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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who does this gift belong to?

344 replies

BabyofMine · 02/02/2021 12:10

A group of work friends buy a gift for another work friend.

One work friend (not me so as not to drip feed!) organises it, collects the money, orders the item and is going to deliver it to the work friend.

Because of some mess up with the company, the company send the organiser a nearly duplicate item worth basically the same, as an apology for messing them around so much etc.

Whose is second duplicate gift from the company?

YABU= belongs to the organiser
YANBU= belongs to the person the original gift was meant for

(The YABU/NBU choices were random btw - I genuinely don’t have an opinion either way, I am one of the “contributors”)

OP posts:
Whattodo1610 · 04/02/2021 20:02

Because if it wasn’t sorted then all monies would have been lost/wasted. No doubt everyone was kept in the loop about what was going on/wrong/hassles and could also get worked up about not getting value for their money. They were in this together. Just because 1 person chooses to organise, doesn’t give them any more rights over others.

If myself and siblings club together to get parents a washing machine, I sort out purchase/pick up/delivery - something goes wrong, I email, I get refunded £x as compensation .... I’d split that between us all as it was all our monies in the first place.

SoupDragon · 04/02/2021 20:28

I get refunded £x as compensation

Not the same thing at all.

Africa2go · 04/02/2021 20:33

But THE ORGANISER sorted it out so the rest of the group didn't lose their money and friend got their present. They weren't affected by the hassle, at all.

Take a back seat, do bgger all to sort it out leaving it to the organiser and then expect some sort of share of compensation that the company offers on account of the inconvenience the organiser* has suffered?! Yeah, right Hmm

hedgehogger1 · 04/02/2021 20:48

@OneForTheJourney

Definitely the organiser.

In normal circumstances I'd say it would be nice for the organiser to buy a big box of chocolates/brownies/cupcakes to share out as a kind of thank you/ nice thing to do for those that contributed. But I'm guessing COVID sucked the fun out of that too Hmm

Eh? Do you actually mean that? I didn't realise that the last time I spent masses of effort sorting out a collection and gift for someone that I should have bought everyone that paypald or shoved a fiver in the pot a cake too!
anyoldname76 · 04/02/2021 20:52

We had a similar situation, we put all the contributor names in a bowl and picked one out, was fair on everyone

MrsKoala · 04/02/2021 20:56

Depends what the gift was

IT’S NOT A GIFT!

This thread is blowing my mind. The organiser has NOT had a present. She has had compensation from the company directly to HER in recognition of the hassle SHE has had. Why would she buy everyone a bloody cake?

saraclara · 04/02/2021 21:01

OP to friends:

"Friends, the extra (thing) was sent by the shop as an apology for the inconvenience caused by their mess up. Who are they apologising to? They're apologising to the person who had to keep phoning and emailing and had to wait in twice for the delivery. Who is that person?
Yep, it's (organisers name). They're apologising to her so the (thing) is hers. So stop whinging and gossiping about it, okay? Maybe you can organise the next gift whip-round"

Whattodo1610 · 04/02/2021 21:50

africa .. you don’t know everyone just sat back and let the organiser do everything. If I was a ‘donator’ I’d still be talking to the organiser checking how things were etc. When mentioned of problems I’d be asking I could help/ideas for wording email etc. I’m pretty sure the organiser kept everyone in the loop with problems, so they’ve actually all been through the inconvenience also. The thought of money I’d donated going wrong and getting the item I’d helped pay for would cause me personally stress/anxiety. So I have been ‘inconvenienced’ the same as others.

The whole inconvenience could literally have been having to write a couple of emails, waiting in for package (we’re all pretty much stuck at home anyway atm). So inconvenience can have many different severities.

soup .. to me it’s the same thing. Why is it not?

Whattodo1610 · 04/02/2021 21:52

koala The title of the thread states who does this gift belong to ...

MrsKoala · 04/02/2021 22:00

I know. That’s why I said it’s not a gift. By calling it a gift, the op and others are confusing the issue. A gift is something you get for nothing. The organiser didn’t do nothing, she put lots of effort in and was messed around. Which is why it’s NOT a gift. The calling it a gift is making it seem like it was not a compensatory transaction and it’s what’s making people think she should share it. If it is seen as something that was earned and deserved then people may be able realise they are not entitled to it.

Africa2go · 05/02/2021 00:39

@Whattodo1610 read the thread. The OP says yes it was a lot more hassle for the organiser, having to chase things up, write loads of emails, normally I’d say they had to stay in twice when it was supposed to be delivered

The fact that the organiser kept you (as a member of the group) in the loop is completely different to the hassle they had. Its just ridiculous to suggest a group member was inconvenienced in the same way as the organiser.

21growbags · 05/02/2021 00:49

I think everyone who originally contributed should get the option of buying a raffle ticket for it at a special rate, lots drawn one winner, rest of the money divided between all original contributors or spent on a shareable item.

So if 10 people in group. Gift is a fancy £100 hairdryer 4 people are interested. They pay a quarter £25 each, one gets it, the other three quarters £75 buys wine to share or gets divided between the 9 who didn’t win the hairdryer they get £8.50ish back

BBCONEANDTWO · 05/02/2021 00:57

Organiser.

CaterpillarMilkshake · 05/02/2021 01:05

In normal circumstances I'd say it would be nice for the organiser to buy a big box of chocolates/brownies/cupcakes to share out as a kind of thank you/ nice thing to do for those that contributed.

What the actual...!??

Where does it all end?

If you’re going to go down the totally ridiculous route of continually buying people presents, then surely the people who just handed over money should buy the person who went to all the hassle of organising it something?!

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 05/02/2021 01:42

The organiser for sure .

DanielODonkey · 05/02/2021 08:24

@21growbags

I think everyone who originally contributed should get the option of buying a raffle ticket for it at a special rate, lots drawn one winner, rest of the money divided between all original contributors or spent on a shareable item.

So if 10 people in group. Gift is a fancy £100 hairdryer 4 people are interested. They pay a quarter £25 each, one gets it, the other three quarters £75 buys wine to share or gets divided between the 9 who didn’t win the hairdryer they get £8.50ish back

Actually this is the most bonkers suggestion. So not only does there have to be even more organising, but everyone has to stump up even more cash for a complicated raffle.

I mean, seriously?

Do people really make their lives this complicated?!

Whattodo1610 · 05/02/2021 09:52

Don’t insult me africa ... I have read the thread 🙄
My opinion still stands ... we all have differing opinions, that’s how life works.
I didn’t say the organiser was inconvenienced in the same way as group members ... but group members still could have felt or were inconvenienced.

  1. Putting it bluntly and blase, writing a few emails is not difficult, staying in for a delivery is not difficult given that we’re not allowed out.
  2. Looking at it another way, writing many lengthy emails when the problem is not being sorted, banging your head against a brick wall because no one is listening, having to take time from your own leisure time to stay in to wait for a delivery is an inconvenience.

I imagine we’re taking about scenario 1 .... so actually not that much of an inconvenience.

We’re all entitled to our opinions. We all participate in things differently, we’re all different natures, which shapes those opinions.

Africa2go · 05/02/2021 10:16

Honestly Whats - its not scenario 1 as you put it. The OP has clearly said it wasn't.

unmarkedbythat · 05/02/2021 10:27

If we are all entitled to our opinions, surely when you express one, people who think it is a ridiculous opinion are entitled to say so?

MasterBeth · 05/02/2021 10:29

Keep it.

The recipient will end up with exactly what was planned.

The contributors will end up paying exactly what they should have paid.

The organiser has got a bit more hassle than she was expecting on top of the original hassle of organising the collection, and is rewarded with a nice surprise.

This is good for everyone.

What else is the organiser supposed to do?

Sell it and give everyone a share of the proceeds matching their share of the contribution? Hold a raffle among contributors (giving them a share of the tickets in line with their share of contribution?)

MasterBeth · 05/02/2021 10:31

FFS, I wrote the raffle suggestion as a “too ridiculous for words” idea. I hadn’t realised someone had suggested it!

MasterBeth · 05/02/2021 10:36

@MindGrapes

Going with OP's example of it being a 'toaster':

Another of the group (not the original organiser) takes on the role of 'new uber-organiser'. They set up a rota for those who want the duplicate toaster to have it for one week each at a time.

Another of the group takes on the role of 'treasurer' where each other member pays a deposit for the weekly use of the toaster in case of damages etc. They'll need proper receipts drawing up, etc.

Uber-organiser manages diaries and transport of the item between group members.

You might find people realise 'organising' something is indeed a hassle and worthy of having the thing sent to apologise for that hassle!

This is the best solution.
VanGoghsDog · 05/02/2021 10:49

@21growbags

I think everyone who originally contributed should get the option of buying a raffle ticket for it at a special rate, lots drawn one winner, rest of the money divided between all original contributors or spent on a shareable item.

So if 10 people in group. Gift is a fancy £100 hairdryer 4 people are interested. They pay a quarter £25 each, one gets it, the other three quarters £75 buys wine to share or gets divided between the 9 who didn’t win the hairdryer they get £8.50ish back

Aside from the sheer idiocy of this, it's illegal to sell raffle tickets in this way. :)
Whattodo1610 · 05/02/2021 11:31

africa .... the organiser, having to chase things up, write loads of emails, normally I’d say they had to stay in twice when it was supposed to be delivered and wasn’t but I guess they would have been in at the moment anyway ... sounds like the OP has actually said scenario 1 in her OP.

unmarked ... of course - but no need to call someone’s personal opinion ridiculous just because it doesn’t match your own opinion.

MasterBeth · 05/02/2021 11:54

It’s perfectly reasonable to call someone’s ridiculous opinion ridiculous.

It’s ridiculous to say otherwise.

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