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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who does this gift belong to?

344 replies

BabyofMine · 02/02/2021 12:10

A group of work friends buy a gift for another work friend.

One work friend (not me so as not to drip feed!) organises it, collects the money, orders the item and is going to deliver it to the work friend.

Because of some mess up with the company, the company send the organiser a nearly duplicate item worth basically the same, as an apology for messing them around so much etc.

Whose is second duplicate gift from the company?

YABU= belongs to the organiser
YANBU= belongs to the person the original gift was meant for

(The YABU/NBU choices were random btw - I genuinely don’t have an opinion either way, I am one of the “contributors”)

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyofMine · 02/02/2021 12:25

To answer: worth about £100, organiser would like it, I’m not personally bothered as not something I’d like, and yes it was a lot more hassle for the organiser, having to chase things up, write loads of emails, normally I’d say they had to stay in twice when it was supposed to be delivered and wasn’t but I guess they would have been in at the moment anyway - still an annoyance/stress for them though.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 02/02/2021 12:26

I would say organiser as they went through the trouble and sorting everything out

AliceinBunniland · 02/02/2021 12:26

Organiser.

Imiss2019 · 02/02/2021 12:26

@ScrapThatThen

Organiser should offer it to others and others should say 'no, you keep it'
Urgh I hate explains this type of social nicety to my child with ASD. Yes dear you are meant to offer something to people even though a) you don’t think you should have to and b) they don’t have any moral rights to it and then they should politely decline even though a) they don’t think you should have it either and b) know that social etiquette suggests you deserve it more than they do. End result is the same as if you’d just kept it for yourself but you’ve at least followed the script where no one says what they mean.
AliceinBunniland · 02/02/2021 12:27

Well it's a bit of a windfall and I don't see who else it would go to other than the organiser. I can imagine others thinking they might want it but why should they, it's just grabby.

CheddarGorgeous · 02/02/2021 12:27

If organiser doesn't want it she could do a random draw for the other contributors.

Or donate it to charity?

No one "owns" it. The organiser has a marginally greater claim on it.

Witchend · 02/02/2021 12:28

Is it something that two of is sensible?

If it's not then it would be silly to give them both.

I'd not have any worries about the organiser keeping it, however, if I was the organiser, then I'd probably donate it to somewhere for a raffle or similar.

Godimabitch · 02/02/2021 12:30

Belongs to the person who had to do the messing around.
Person received a gift that was paid for by everyone, all's fair.
Organiser had to mess about sorting stuff out, everyone else just put money in. They get the gratuity from the supplier for being messed around.

LApprentiSorcier · 02/02/2021 12:30

The organiser as she was the one who experienced whatever inconvenience it was in recompense for.

Swingometer · 02/02/2021 12:30

Are some of the other contributors not happy then OP?

It legally belongs to the organiser so the others don't have a leg to stand on if they think they have a claim on the item

mindutopia · 02/02/2021 12:31

If it isn't something that can be shared and it would be weird to send a duplicate gift, then yes, it would belong to the organiser, because I would imagine they were the one who had to deal with the hassle of it all. Honestly, it sounds like a weird thing to get worked up about unless it's like a new car or a holiday or something. No one needs a fancy candle that badly.

Feelinalrightwiththecrew · 02/02/2021 12:31

Bluntness100

The organiser. The recipient doesn’t need two ans wasn’t messed around, the organiser had to do the grunt work and the gift can’t be split so they should get to keep it,

This

JaninaDuszejko · 02/02/2021 12:34

Organiser should never have told everyone else about the duplicate gift.

dillusional · 02/02/2021 12:35

The organiser should have it plus the organiser has been honest mentioning the duplicate item which some wouldn't even mention. For that reason and also going through the hassle with solving this mess, the organiser should keep the duplicate item.

pictish · 02/02/2021 12:39

Agree with most. I’d let the organiser have it for reasons already stated here. Anyone kicking up stink is a dick.

Original poster
BabyofMine · 02/02/2021 12:40

@Swingometer

Are some of the other contributors not happy then OP?

It legally belongs to the organiser so the others don't have a leg to stand on if they think they have a claim on the item

No, I personally really don’t care, although having read everything I’m really leaning to the organiser now, I would never have thought anything of it but easy for me to say as I don’t want it. But a couple of people have taken umbrage I think because they want it themselves tbh.
OP posts:
thecatfromjapan · 02/02/2021 12:40

The organiser is unlikely to be doing any more organising after this, I suspect. 😁

(Organising things like this is hell.)

MacDuffsMuff · 02/02/2021 12:41

I can't imagine being 'really annoyed' about this. The organiser had the unwanted hassle, clearly dealt with it so the gift has been send by the retailer to them for causing them trouble. The recipient of the original gift has their gift, why on earth would anyone give them a second, almost duplicate gift?

bridgetreilly · 02/02/2021 12:42

Of course it's the organiser. No one else has been messed around. I wouldn't even have thought it worth mentioning or discussing.

Original poster
BabyofMine · 02/02/2021 12:44

Oh and two for the organiser is just stupid IMO but that’s what’s been suggested; if it were chocolates I’d think the more the merrier for the giftee, but it’s like getting two toasters, that sort of gadget, you wouldn’t have two in your house.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyofMine · 02/02/2021 12:45

Thinking about it, actually I don’t think the ones objecting to the organiser having it actually want it; I think they just begrudge her having it.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/02/2021 12:45

If it can't be split then I'd say the organiser should have it, unless it could be sold to someone and the money go to a charity.

I think the organiser would be pissed off if the names went into a hat and the gift went to someone who'd had to be chased for the money and hadn't done any of the work.

Original poster
BabyofMine · 02/02/2021 12:46

@BabyofMine

Oh and two for the organiser is just stupid IMO but that’s what’s been suggested; if it were chocolates I’d think the more the merrier for the giftee, but it’s like getting two toasters, that sort of gadget, you wouldn’t have two in your house.
Sorry I meant two for the person the gift was for.
OP posts:
HiveQueen · 02/02/2021 12:46

I’m another one for the organiser.

Having said that, if I was the organiser, I would put the gift up for raffle to raise money for charity.

whiteroseredrose · 02/02/2021 12:46

I'd say the organiser too. It was an apology for hassle and it was the organiser that had the hassle.