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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who does this gift belong to?

344 replies

BabyofMine · 02/02/2021 12:10

A group of work friends buy a gift for another work friend.

One work friend (not me so as not to drip feed!) organises it, collects the money, orders the item and is going to deliver it to the work friend.

Because of some mess up with the company, the company send the organiser a nearly duplicate item worth basically the same, as an apology for messing them around so much etc.

Whose is second duplicate gift from the company?

YABU= belongs to the organiser
YANBU= belongs to the person the original gift was meant for

(The YABU/NBU choices were random btw - I genuinely don’t have an opinion either way, I am one of the “contributors”)

OP posts:
AtLeastThreeDrinks · 02/02/2021 13:57

[quote luxxlisbon]@KihoBebiluPute "Was the hassle the organiser had to deal with really worth £100? I suspect not."
The company are the ones who decided it was worth it. Presumably they don't love to give out free things worth £100 so the F up and annoyance must have been fairly substantial for them to offer in the first place.[/quote]
I came to say the same thing, that's for the company to decide. And the suggestion that the organiser should pay for a treat for everyone is mad. It's a perk for the hassle they've endured! Why should they be out of time, energy and pocket?! The contributors got what they paid for. The organiser paid out extra in effort and got something presumably unexpected from it. Who'd begrudge them that?!

User647647 · 02/02/2021 14:01

I think the organiser should keep it for the hassle.

She’s obviously an honest person, she could have not told anyone about the duplicate and kept it herself. (I’m assuming both items were sent to her house)

Glenchase · 02/02/2021 14:01

The freebie was compensation for the hassle of being messed around. Therefore it belongs to the person who was messed around. Ie the organiser.

Peachy66 · 02/02/2021 14:01

Definitely the Organiser.

notalwaysalondoner · 02/02/2021 14:06

I'd say the organiser should keep it as they are the one who deals with all the hassle of getting the money, choosing and ordering the gift, and then the actual hassle of the company messing them around.

The exception would be if the duplicate gift was something the recipient would actually want two of, such as champagne, then I'd be inclined to say it should go to the recipient as a gesture of extra good wishes. But if it was some kind of object where no one would want two e.g. a watch or jewellery or an ornament, then the organiser should keep it.

nitsandwormsdodger · 02/02/2021 14:07

If I was the organiser I'd offer it as a raffle prize or similar but the group should let the organiser keep it , it's s total ball ache organising these things and I'm sure it's not the first time she has been the organiser
It can't be shared do someone has to benefit

TrialOfStyle · 02/02/2021 14:09

The organiser (and in a completely dishonest, anti-MN stance, if I was the organiser I wouldn’t have even told the rest of you 🙃)

sneakysnoopysniper · 02/02/2021 14:11

It was as a result of some petty disagreements (not identical but caused hassle) that as a manager I forbade collections of this kind in my place of work. I could not forbid staff members buying an individual gift for a co-worker as it was not within my authority. However I did not want someone hawking around the staff putting (real or imagined) moral pressure on others to contribute. I felt that such collections should be kept for "exceptional" circumstances.

The only time I organized such a collection was when a junior staff member was mugged of her entire weeks wage and had no money for food or bills.

TrialOfStyle · 02/02/2021 14:13

Actually, on a slightly related topic I once organised a meal out, paid with my card whilst collecting deposits, booked table etc. I got emailed a feedback survey and won a £50 voucher. Told the group and they though I should put it towards our next meal (and not cover my share and split the rest - like actually reduce everyone’s bill). I refused and went out with my then DP instead.

SushiSoozie · 02/02/2021 14:16

o answer: worth about £100, organiser would like it, I’m not personally bothered as not something I’d like, and yes it was a lot more hassle for the organiser, having to chase things up, write loads of emails, normally I’d say they had to stay in twice when it was supposed to be delivered and wasn’t but I guess they would have been in at the moment anyway - still an annoyance/stress for them though

It's clearly 100 per cent for the organiser and frankly anyone else who thinks it should be for them is a shit.

SushiSoozie · 02/02/2021 14:18

Morally it belongs to the team

You have a bizarre notion of morals

CathyorClaire · 02/02/2021 14:18

The organiser. Arranging gifts is a ballache anyway and then he/she has had the additional ballache of being messed around by the supplier.

If there are noses out of joint they should be offered the option of making the arrangements in future.

katy1213 · 02/02/2021 14:20

The organiser - and I can't imagine that any group of friends would squabble about this.

RB68 · 02/02/2021 14:20

I would say organiser as its to compensate for the issues and messing around which they dealt with

Wenolikeexplodeythings · 02/02/2021 14:20

It belongs to the organiser.
The company sent it as an apology for the chasing around she had to do. They were apologising the her. It is hers.
It has nothing to do with the cost of the original being split between you all. It has only been sent because the person who ordered it had to sort the mess out. It is hers.

I think you should maybe step in and defend the organiser. Maybe remind the others that they were not inconvenienced, they did not need to do any emailing or phoning to sort out the company's mistakes. Tell them that the item is an apology from the company to the organiser and as such, it has nothing to do with them because they are not owed an apology from the company. They paid some money and the gift was given. That's all they have anything to do with. The rest of it was the organiser.

burnoutbabe · 02/02/2021 14:20

if its easily sellable, i'd say sell it and split the proceeds amongst those who paid.

Glenchase · 02/02/2021 14:20

if I was the organiser I wouldn’t have even told the rest of you
Me neither!

SushiSoozie · 02/02/2021 14:21

if its easily sellable, i'd say sell it and split the proceeds amongst those who paid

Who would end up with the hassle of selling it? The organiser. Hmm

Gazelda · 02/02/2021 14:24

What a shame.
If it's decided the organiser should keep it, she will probably feel peeved at the bad feeling every time she looks at it.
If names a drawn from a hat, the winner will probably feel guilty because she knows she benefitted from the hassle organiser has to go through.
If it's given to the giftee, she will probably be perplexed.
I guess the best option is to give it to charity whenever will doubtless be very grateful.
But what a shame that the organiser had such a tough time doing something nice on behalf of a group of people who then don't want her to benefit from the retailer's apology.

SixesAndEights · 02/02/2021 14:25

The organiser. It definitely doesn't belong to the recipient of the original gift, and if it were possible to split between all of the contributers that would be the optimum outcome. However, if it isn't then the organiser did everything so they should keep it.

Inertia · 02/02/2021 14:26

Perhaps someone neutral (like the OP @BabyofMine?) could point out to the rest of the group that the cost of the gift isn’t just the tenner they’ve all chipped in, it’s that plus the additional 4 extra hours (say) of the organiser’s time (at say £10 an hour ) , plus petrol money, phone calls . If they’re so keen to get a share of the ‘compensation ‘ , it would only be fair for them to share the additional costs incurred.

wifterwafter · 02/02/2021 14:26

Organiser without a doubt.

SixesAndEights · 02/02/2021 14:28

@BabyofMine

Thinking about it, actually I don’t think the ones objecting to the organiser having it actually want it; I think they just begrudge her having it.
Remember that next time anything needs organising and suggest one of them do it.
SixesAndEights · 02/02/2021 14:29

@Inertia

Perhaps someone neutral (like the OP *@BabyofMine*?) could point out to the rest of the group that the cost of the gift isn’t just the tenner they’ve all chipped in, it’s that plus the additional 4 extra hours (say) of the organiser’s time (at say £10 an hour ) , plus petrol money, phone calls . If they’re so keen to get a share of the ‘compensation ‘ , it would only be fair for them to share the additional costs incurred.
Absolutely this. If there is real aggro about this, the organiser needs to bill for time and expenses and claim it back from all of you.
GreenWillow · 02/02/2021 14:30

I can’t believe you’re even having the discussion tbh.

The item is ‘compensation’ for being messed around, so belongs to whomever was the messed around party.

Very clearly the organiser.