To tell you Covid has made me realise I'm a bad mother.

[Shamelessnamechange9]

I've never been the maternal type or a natural with kids.
I dont know how to interact or play with then like some people can. I just dont have the nack like others do.
However when my son was born 3 years ago, I was full of joy. I was totally fine when he was a baby when he couldn't talk.
Then we he to got to 1 year old, I would take him everywhere. Every group, every soft play, every play date, I was there. At the time I thought I was doing it for his development (which it was in a way) but now I realise it was not to leave me on my own with him and it was to occupy him.

Then Corona comes along. No playgroups, no play dates, no soft play, no parks as weather is rubbish.
So it's me and my boisterous 3 year old and I have never felt as inadequate, guilty and ashamed in my whole life.
He looks at me and wants me to play with his dinosaurs, trucks, play fight, lego, chasies- and i can for 5 minutes then I'll tell myself I'll need to do some house work or this needs to be done.
I'm ashamed to say I go on my phone alot around him, trailing through mumsnet, online shopping cos I'll tell myself I need to get this.
A few times he has took it off me and tells me to get off it and hides it. And I do. Then 10 minutes later I'm on it again.

Truth is, I just find it boring. I'd rather do house work or be on my phone and play with my son. I know I'm depressed with lockdown and have a phone appointment in a week or so.

Has anyone else had anything similar? Or am I just the worst mother in the world?

You're not alone there is nothing to do no where to go. I remember DS aged 3 there is a high chance I'd be bald and suicidal if I'd to do lockdown then.
He's 6 now easier there is only so much baking, playing, walking you can do it is never enough anyway.
"It takes a village"

He does help with my washing and he loves to wash the pots but that just amounts the kitchen being a swimming pool.

I have ordered him a mini trampoline and I'm setting up a time table.
I'm going to drag him out of the house, rain or shine just for an hour a day if its freezing.

Its just comforting knowing I'm not alone.

there is only so much baking, playing, walking you can do it is never enough anyway Meaning they always want more. Your feelings are totally normal you're a good DM.

You are not an awful mother. You are not his playmate! Lego etc is boring. Must be tough having an active 3 year old in LD. Most of the parks round here are open.

I’m feeling very relieved reading this today!

I work 4 days but have taken annual leave today and kept 3yr old DD off nursery, planning a lovely day together. Our planned morning walk was nice for 30 minutes until DD fell in a rock pool. We’ve coloured in. Watched some TV. She’s played a number game on the tablet. She’s disappeared to play in her room so I’m having a cuppa, but I know it won’t be long before she reappears and I have to engage with the dreaded imaginary play. I’ve looked forward to today but I’m only half way through, we’ve already probably had too much screen time, and I’m bored! I’ll get play doh out if she asks, or we could bake, and I always say yes to helping her with a jigsaw or playing pairs if I’m not in the middle of something, but I don’t really want to do any of those things right now.

I was feeling guilty for feeling like that but reading this has made me realise it’s pretty normal. I’m generally pretty confident in most of my parenting decisions but this is where I doubt myself. Thanks for starting this and making me feel better OP!

Good job -if you've got bubbles, stamping on them or trying to hit them with a bat or anything really is a good energy wasting game. Balloons always help too, batting them about.

Oh when will this madness end?

Just wanted to sympathise and say you're not a bad mum. Agree with what a lot of people have said about having some time with your phone out of reach and thinking in terms of segments of time.

Also I quite like putting on some radio in the background and playing with sensory things like kinetic sand or playdough, or doing drawing/painting and doing some myself too.

OP l hope you (and others who are struggling( are listening to pp who are saying you are NOT a bad mum. 3 yea olds are hardly known for their intellectual conversation. I didn't need to work when did was young but l got a 2 morning a week job and it kept me sane. In the first lockdown my employer was fab and told me to stay off til the schools reopened but this time they need me in and guess what? I am finding this lockdown mich easier because dd and l have time apart!

I was the same when my children were little!! Really don’t overanalyse...I think a lot of parents feel the same 💐

I just broke out into a cold sweat remembering this stage. DS was vocal and sociable and needed someone to play with all the time- that would've been me. Anything I organised he was bored within 5 minutes if I wasn't doing it too. I spent so much money on stuff I thought might keep him amused. But not unless I was doing it too. The days were long. TV and walks were my friends. He turned out perfectly alright and thinks he had a great time with me when he was wee.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

When DD was 3, every day was spent either at preschool, toddler groups or going out with friends. With Covid you don't have those options.

I'd focus on getting him outside when possible.

I'm actually glad I have a teen at the moment rather than a younger child. The days are taken up with well-organised on-line schooling, DD can chat on-line with friends and we actually spend more time together in the evenings just catching up on our days.

I found the toddler stage lovely but intense having to keep an eye on them all the time and bloody boring (I got rid of that plastic supermarket till with card thingy and the velcro fruit and veg with knife at the earliest opportunity).

A local GP {With 4 DC} used to say when mothers came in at their wit's end with younger children.

''I suggest these".....Pulling out a small pair of wellington boots.
Exercise stops ''Boistressness'' ....Kids need to run off steam.

Much like Border Collies, they need exercise and ''Brain work''.

If you live in a city, it is tough, as all the parks are mud baths with over-use, but I'd take DS for miles at age 2-3, exploring different areas on foot..and when older, on a bike.

Staying in, when the weather was really appalling{heavy downpours} was an utter nightmare.

Under-exercised toddlers/young kids can be hard to be around.

Does he like puzzles/building blocks/lego?

Exercise and lego was a saviour for me when DS was young.

@Shamelessnamechange9

He does help with my washing and he loves to wash the pots but that just amounts the kitchen being a swimming pool.

I have ordered him a mini trampoline and I'm setting up a time table.
I'm going to drag him out of the house, rain or shine just for an hour a day if its freezing.

Its just comforting knowing I'm not alone.

Create a spot for him to "wash up". On kitchen floor with only a little water. Sacrifice a few tools and place a plastic bowl with some water in it on there.

Good job re getting out every day. My friend who lives in Sweden would argue that the cold is even better - she's always telling how it helps to help kids burn off energy and keep them moving!

If I am taking nephews with me, I make them do all kinds of high energy things like see how many times they can hop on one leg or race me/ the dog or I time them as they run to a tree and back etc (they're very competitive). I've been known to take dog treats which I give to my (less energetic) DC and tell them to hold while running away from the dog. They think it's hilarious, they run for ages, dog gets extra exercise and, eventually, a treat! .

If you’re a bad mother then I am too - and for what it’s worth I don’t think you’re a bad mother.

It’s dull as fuck right now.

I love my son more than life itself but it’s been almost a year of house arrest with him and his sister who is online schooling. I’m shielding so am not really supposed to go anywhere and with my daughters school we’re tied to the house until 3 then it’s too cold and getting dark to go out. He’s only been to soft play a handful of times in his life. He misses swimming and is now addicted to Netflix.

We do what we need to to survive. It’s much easier when they’re in nursery a few hours a day and we can appreciate the time we have with them.

I long for the nursery to reopen

Sacrifice a few towels I meant! hahaha.

It can be boring, but you can also make it fun.
Put on wellies and jump into puddles - way more fun if you take part instead of watching from the side, getting cold.
With a basic game of cars, you can try to build the best launching pad you can.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying spend your day doing this, but when you do make it count and get into it 100% it will make it nicer.

Things that saved my sanity OP (and this was years ago, so I wasn’t facing lockdown as well):
Clothes airer, old sheets and pegs for building dens/ pretend washing teddy’s blanket or doll’s clothes.
Play doh (for “cooking” along with you)
Their own special duster for “helping” with cleaning
Old magazines and kids scissors for cutting out - you can theme this, e.g cut out some flowers, cars, anything you can find that is blue, etc.
Glue stick so they can make picture with said cutout joys!
That and just talking about what you are doing as you go, what you are going to do next, where you will go for a walk today, what you might see.(Apparently my Dad used to just say all the gate numbers to me as we walked along when I was a toddler. Numbers were his comfort zone , and I enjoyed parroting what he said, and noticing which gates didn’t have a number on - and asking WHY? Constantly!)

Good luck - you will be fine. It’s about finding which things suit you and your son, and give a mixture of fun and sanity for both of you. Ignoring the inevitable “perfect parent” posts on Facebrag and Instagloat helps with this too

I don't know who the archetypal "earthmothers" are (although I imagine they all came from the same African Village that invented babywearing) but I doubt very much that any traditional/historical mothering (varied as it was) would have involved jut one woman sitting at home with one child entertaining them 24/7. Of course one on one time is important, but I dont think the current situation we are in is a return to how things used to be/simpler times. Yes in the past mothers didnt have soft plays to take children to or toddler-mozart-gym lessons but they could meet up with other mothers (or other women) to chat while the kids played etc etc. Just like you were doing.

Be kind to yourself OP. These are unprecedented times and most people will feel the same as you. That’s why these groups exist after all as there is a huge call for them.

I think it must be tough being a mum to the under 4s if you are a SAHM as you say with nowhere to go and not much to do outside of the house. Aside from that though I would say, it is really short lived and will fly by. I think parenting is about stages and on the whole people are better at some stages than others depending upon your personality. I really enjoyed the toddler/preschool years under 5 or 6 even as I am happy to play with the toys, be the customer, I love children's literature so reading them or even acting the books out, dressing up in the parts etc suited me. I am quite musical though and am happy to be engaged with those activities inside. I didn't enjoy the play groups as much as others but now my eldest is in the teenage stage I am finding that hard. I find it hard that he wants to largely be on his own or playing on the ps4 with online friends. My youngest is 9 and still enjoys my company but I definitely think it is about the stages. That said, I went out for fresh air and did quite a few things with them on my own but we live near a beach and it was quite easy to do that. I am lucky if I get my eldest out before dark these days!

I'm also getting frustrated with a nearly-3yo who I can't engage in anything structured. He's sometimes perfectly happy to chunter to himself while driving his trains round, but sometimes he just wants meeeeeeeeeeee. I keep trying to suggest things that I might find interesting too (colouring, game of dominoes, bit of cooking...) but no, he would like to instruct me on precisely which car to dirve next, exactly where it should go, and then where it whould be parked so we can get the next one out. Then he wants all the drivers to have the exact same conversations with each other. Then he wants to ask me nonsense questions which are linguistically incapable of generating an answer which makes any sense at all so what am I supposed to say???

He has had zero interest in any of the fancy sorting games, mask crafts and such that I've seen on Pinterest. "No, you shall [do activity]. Shall we play [same sodding game again]?"

Few suggestions for things which have made it a teensy bit less dull...

1. Put the radio on! Gives me something to listen to while I drive.
2. Set a timer. I set one internally, not a physical one, but I say I'll do 15-30 minutes of JUST driving cars, then I'll potter off. It fills up his tank a bit.
3. I'm always up for reading to him, and if it's picture books he chooses but we've also started chapter books which I get to pick. It's not always the most amazing stuff, because it's kids books, but we're currently doing the Just So Stories and have just finished Little House on the Prairie. It doesn't matter what the book is - it's something for me to do (read aloud) while he drives his endless cars, and he isn't talking to me or asking me nonsensical questions. I lie on the beanbag on the floor so it feels to him like I'm right there.

He's juuuust started to get more mileage out of his baby sister, though. One toddler all alone is so hard. I feel for you. They direct everything at YOU and there's no escape from the constant ack-ack barrage.

^Also, my DS is the least sociable and least boisterous toddler I have ever met. He never wants to run around or play with other children. Occasionally he'll play with cars BY HIMSELF FOR AN HOUR. (Never gives me any warning, though, so I can plan anything...) And some days I am still climbing the walls.

I often think how difficult it is for parents of young children because I did the same as you. Never played with dc but just took them out a lot.

A timetable or list definitely helps.
I Would draw up a ‘good parenting’ checklist on days we had to stay in. Sounds a bit silly but it saved me from thinking I was rubbish and forced me to do some activities.

The radio or podcast on in the background helps too. Dc often zone it out but it gives me the distraction and ‘input’ I need so it seems that I’m focussed solely on dc and saved me from utter boredom.

On my list were things like

Go out. Even on rainy days. Make a boat and see if you can float it on a puddle.
Craft activity (lots of quick easy craft ideas on the internet)
Baking
Watching tv together without a phone in my hand.
Reading
Silly game that would make dc laugh like the floor is lava, cuddle monster, silly dancing,

The rest of the time, dc entertained themselves or watched tv. I was on my phone probably.

Not the worst Mother in the world, just normal and trying to get by as so many folk are.

The other day I was just done entertaining my 3yo. The pp who said bring them into your own world is right. I decided I was going to have a bath. So I did. And she came in, she poured water on me, played with a flannel, passed me the soap, found it very interesting! Bliss. Would recommend!