To tell you Covid has made me realise I'm a bad mother.

[Shamelessnamechange9]

I've never been the maternal type or a natural with kids.
I dont know how to interact or play with then like some people can. I just dont have the nack like others do.
However when my son was born 3 years ago, I was full of joy. I was totally fine when he was a baby when he couldn't talk.
Then we he to got to 1 year old, I would take him everywhere. Every group, every soft play, every play date, I was there. At the time I thought I was doing it for his development (which it was in a way) but now I realise it was not to leave me on my own with him and it was to occupy him.

Then Corona comes along. No playgroups, no play dates, no soft play, no parks as weather is rubbish.
So it's me and my boisterous 3 year old and I have never felt as inadequate, guilty and ashamed in my whole life.
He looks at me and wants me to play with his dinosaurs, trucks, play fight, lego, chasies- and i can for 5 minutes then I'll tell myself I'll need to do some house work or this needs to be done.
I'm ashamed to say I go on my phone alot around him, trailing through mumsnet, online shopping cos I'll tell myself I need to get this.
A few times he has took it off me and tells me to get off it and hides it. And I do. Then 10 minutes later I'm on it again.

Truth is, I just find it boring. I'd rather do house work or be on my phone and play with my son. I know I'm depressed with lockdown and have a phone appointment in a week or so.

Has anyone else had anything similar? Or am I just the worst mother in the world?

You lost me when you said, " I'll tell myself I'll need to do some house work". :-). You serious?

I'm sure you are an OK mother, everyone goes stir crazy when enclosed with a small child - but housework? Really?

Build him a little den that he can safely play/look at books in. Make it too small for mummy, special children only den! Let him make signs for it and help put up the sheets to hide under.

Make cup of tea and chill for a bit. You are not a bad parent.

If I do feel bad about my parenting, I remember the “games” my great aunt used to play with her son. One was that she would put him in a box with a packet biscuits and she would drink whiskey with her friend (it was the only alcohol they had). He ended up going to oxbridge and then CEO of a large firm. He seems well adjusted. So yes - I think expectations and standards are WAY higher than they used to be and the pandemic has just made everything worse.

@LizFlowers

You lost me when you said, " I'll tell myself I'll need to do some house work". :-). You serious?

I'm sure you are an OK mother, everyone goes stir crazy when enclosed with a small child - but housework? Really?

I'd rather do housework than pretend to be Ironman....

Signing in. I’ve made peace with it, you know? I’m her mother, not a children’s entertainer. We read, we do things we both enjoy (planting seeds, going to the Thames for a walk, crafts, bit of baking, playing vaguely educational apps) and I do some imaginative play with her but really dislike it beyond a few minutes. I do quite a lot of “Mum’s reading now, go play” and if we’re at a playground or park I’ll encourage her to play with other kids.

She’s three, fully bilingual, reading a bit and with a better social life than me. She’s fine.

You are completely normal. Of course adults find things that 3 year olds like to do boring - our brains are rather more developed!

I’d set yourself little targets. Spend 20 mins doing boring trucks or dinosaurs, then do something else for 30mins. Then ten minutes of colouring together then stick him on the iPad for 45min. Get through the days like that.

I could have written your post. You are not alone!

Don't put yourself down. Times are tough. I think what the other poster said, about bringing him into your world is a great idea. My daughter loves polishing, for example.

Also, what do you enjoy in his world? There must be a family film you both like. Have a movie night with some microwavable popcorn. He'll love watching it pop in the microwave.

What about drawing him a picture and asking him to colour it in? Lay out loads of crayons, pencils and markers for him.

As someone else said, you're not natural playmates. You're an adult. He's a child. Don't feel guilty about not wanting to play games. If you were in the house on your own, would you play with Lego? No. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I have an eight month-old and I'm not enjoying it. But I was told by some on Mumsnet the other day I was wrong to feel like this and I should be grateful. I have two other kids (10 and 13) and having to honeschool so it's been tough. Every day honestly feels like Groundhog Day. I mean, realistically what can you do with a 8 month-old?!! I'm finding my mat leave both extremely boring and isolating.

Thanks everyone for your replies and suggestions.

I will make a timetable, I think a bit of structure would help. I'll hide my phone for half an hour and will play with him non stop. I always go to but then my brains ticking away thinking I need to look this up or I need to wash the pots. Its almost like I cant relax.
@LizFlowers I'm not sure what you mean by that reply? "house work, really?"

I am not a SAHM. I have 2 jobs and 1 of them I have been furloughed.
Which means I work 3 days a week but late shifts so I still have all morning with him even when I do work, added with 4 days off, Its just mind numbing being on my own with him every day. My partner works all the hours god sends as we need the money so it's often me on my own with him.

I remember also sticking on my favourite music and having a manic dance in the living room. You just need to break out of the rut and do things differently. As other people have said baths at weird times of day are good as well.

I would agree that your phone is dragging you down more than your child as well.

The more you relax the more they tend to relax as well. It is really easy for all of us to sit here and give you advice as well, much more difficult to put it into practice so don't beat yourself up.

@LizFlowers oh I see. I honestly would rather wash the pots than play with a toddler who will get frustrated with me if I'm not doing it the right way

I thank a lot of suggestions for crafts etc but the fact is, my DS would much better destroy things. Simple things like colouring in, he will try and eat the crayons, fling the paper across the room or go to draw on the furniture.
Same with play doh. He will play nicely for 2 minutes then hes upto mischief and flings it. Hes very energetic

You sound normal!. there is some great advice for us all on this thread.

I was exactly the same at this stage, it is boring! Like others have said getting them involved in household tasks is a great idea, mine still love it now for some strange reason.

I am so reassured by this thread. I have a nearly 4 year old and am so despondently bored and over/understimulated in all the wrong ways it makes me want to scream from the moment I wake up until I go to bed at night.

I'm gone past this stage, pretty much, though I still have a fairly demanding 10 year old girl but can I just say that all this makes me feel so much better about how I was! I really relate to the being a better outdoor parent, I could do walks, beach, playgrounds, etc all the live long day but ask me to sit on the floor pretending to be a dog/a mummy/dinosaur/etc etc and my heart would sink and I actually would feel almost tearful with boredom. The funny thing is that people used to tell me I was such a good mum for always bringing mine to the park, playground etc but an awful lot of that was for MY benefit. Ideally, they would get hours of play with other children and I would get to either chat to other parents - many of whom became good friends - or just have time to myself. I truly believe in 'children for children', i.e. that the vast majority of their true play time with other people should be with other children, which is not to say they can't be happily occupied doing things alongside you, chatting, doing things themselves. As long as they feel you like them and enjoy them and give a crap, then the details of how that is done are not so important, honestly. I also think you are better doing something for a short period of time, or doing the thing you ALSO enjoy and doing it genuinely than pretending to do so, I see a kind of falseness in how lots of parents interact with their children as if they are putting on a performance of Being A Good Parent. You do you and that is good enough. But I'd agree with others, I would ease off on the phone usage a bit or set aside definite times for it so that it doesn't seep into the whole day or is there in the background of every interaction.

I hate playing with small children. It made me want to shoot myself in the head. I love doing other stuff but playing is awful.

You’re not a bad mother at all and you’ve done a great thing starting this post. There will be a lot of parents of young children reading this who’ve been beating themselves up as they are unable to live up to the Instagram ideal where you’re supposed to enjoy all day every day doing enriching child centred activities with your children.

There are also lots of blogs out there giving you advice on creating planners with every hour filled with something creative.

There was never this requirement for intensive parenting in previous generations and remember there are people out there who aren’t always truthful about how much time they devote to their kids behind closed doors. It’s an extreme case example but remember Peaches Geldof and her promotion of attachment parenting when really she was shooting up in one room with the kids presumably in another.

I think people are starting to be more honest about how difficult parenting can sometimes be during this lockdown.

Involve your child in some of your everyday activities like sorting clothes, take them for walks, buy a console with interactive pre school games on it, call relatives and let them talk to them for a bit, buy one of those robot toys that sing nursery rhymes and talk etc. Just being in the same room and talking to them now and again is ok a lot of the time. Don’t feel like you need to be constantly doing stuff with them.

I’m exactly the same, what is worse with me currently is that she has covid/is recovering, so we can’t even leave the house. So her sleep is all over the place because she’s been ill (and therefore I’m more tired and irritable) and she doesn’t seem to enjoy playing with anything! I follow all those inspirational insta accounts with ideas of what to do with them, but she won’t engage with any of it! All she wants is the same crap tv shows on all day every day, and me to half read the same books over and over, without even letting me finish before she snatches it away and gets a new one! Mine is only 21 months though so I’ve discovered I’m a terrible mum much earlier than you 😂

I have ordered a Whirli toy subscription to try and find some toys she likes rather than buying stuff I think she will like, which she never does. That should arrive tomorrow so I’m hopeful I can just swap out toys she doesn’t like frequently until I find what toys she likes!

NB: Don’t think this actually makes us bad mums after reading this thread.

I see he's got a lot of energy - set up an obstacle course. If you've got or can get a bean bag, small and large cushions or pillows, jump from one to the other, from the sofa to the bean bag and round and round. Applaud loudly every time they jump. A mini trampoline is a good idea if you've space, or let them jump on the sofa cushion.

Something's got to give with the crap rainy weather...if you YouTube obstacle courses there are lots of ideas.

You may have luck with simple board games for 3+ and puzzles too once worn out with the obstacle course jumping.

I'm exactly the same btw. I loathe imaginative play. Every time my dd asked me to play kittens/pandas/dragons/babies I felt a quiet sense of despair :).

You've had some good replies - we found that if we promised 10 mins of imaginative play, it was good leverage for getting them to do other things.

@FuckOffBorisYouTwat

I hate playing with small children. It made me want to shoot myself in the head. I love doing other stuff but playing is awful.

I have found my people!

oh google animal walks too - walk like a crab, play crab football, hold their legs so they can walk on their front paws, lots of them here:

lemonlimeadventures.com/animal-walks-sensory-diet/

I could have written this post!
I am a sahm and certainly considered myself to be one of those people you mention as being natural with children and being able to play. But this lockdown is on another level!!!
and I’m the same with my phone etc. I have a 5 year old that is very demanding in terms of roll play/ dolls and it’s exhausting. I also suffer with terrible guilt if I’m not giving them my attention.

I find what helps is to give myself a time limit-“ I will play 20 minutes of Barbies and then do something else”
Waking up and having the whole day stretching ahead is awful so it’s definitely helped me to break it into segments of time.

You aren’t a bad mum. None of us are getting a break at moment and we need social interactions. The thought of spring and warmer weather is keeping me going right now.

I had cabin fever if I didn't go out and interact with other adults and their kids everyday. I really feel for parents of young kids at the moment.

I didn't mind playing babies/cafes etc with my first born dd. Parenting was a novelty and it was quite girly and what I liked as a child. When ds was born, I'd been there, done that and I really wasn't interested in castles and knights etc so he got no input from me there.

Lots of good suggestions on here.