To tell you Covid has made me realise I'm a bad mother.

[Shamelessnamechange9]

I've never been the maternal type or a natural with kids.
I dont know how to interact or play with then like some people can. I just dont have the nack like others do.
However when my son was born 3 years ago, I was full of joy. I was totally fine when he was a baby when he couldn't talk.
Then we he to got to 1 year old, I would take him everywhere. Every group, every soft play, every play date, I was there. At the time I thought I was doing it for his development (which it was in a way) but now I realise it was not to leave me on my own with him and it was to occupy him.

Then Corona comes along. No playgroups, no play dates, no soft play, no parks as weather is rubbish.
So it's me and my boisterous 3 year old and I have never felt as inadequate, guilty and ashamed in my whole life.
He looks at me and wants me to play with his dinosaurs, trucks, play fight, lego, chasies- and i can for 5 minutes then I'll tell myself I'll need to do some house work or this needs to be done.
I'm ashamed to say I go on my phone alot around him, trailing through mumsnet, online shopping cos I'll tell myself I need to get this.
A few times he has took it off me and tells me to get off it and hides it. And I do. Then 10 minutes later I'm on it again.

Truth is, I just find it boring. I'd rather do house work or be on my phone and play with my son. I know I'm depressed with lockdown and have a phone appointment in a week or so.

Has anyone else had anything similar? Or am I just the worst mother in the world?

@zymummy

"bring him into your world"

I love this. It's so true isn't it. It took me a while to do that, not that I didn't play with him. I started doing little jobs with him. For example, in the supermarket asking him to help me find a product.

When I was cooking dinner saying to him "we're going to make a salad for dinner please can you help mummy chop the cucumber" (with toddler knives), filling up the sink and put some plastic dishes etc in and asking him to wash them or some of his toys. Basically being my little best friend helping me do things. They love helping, they want to be your best friend helping you complete tasks so it doesn't all have to be playing.

For me when we do play I enjoy arts and crafts so I draw next to him and at the moment I'm finding it relaxing. He's just gone up to the next level in Lego and I enjoyed helping make a car (wasn't an easy task!).

Listen to the Motherkind podcast, I found her helpful. She has specialists in certain fields which help you with topics you need help on. When I'm struggling with feeling fed up I always turn her podcast on when I'm driving or doing the ironing.

Hope I've not waffled too much 🙂

I hate playing with my child too, what we both love to do though is get out and about.

We have wellies, waterproofs, umbrellas etc and go to the woods. Don't worry about getting wet or dirty, also allow them to bring a toy (dinosaur, car etc) and some explorer items such as magnifying glass or binoculars.

Also, don't forget to pack a snack that you can sit and eat somewhere, it gives them motivation to keep walking.

Absolutely. It's made me realise I probably shouldn't have become a mother. I'm terrible at it.

Thank you for posting this. I have felt exactly the same. And thought I was an awful human. Also thank you for the kind responses x

Solution: switch off phone between 9 and 12. The world will crash to a halt. Check at lunch and then off until 3. Check at 3 and then off until bedtime.

3 year olds are ace, have you heard of '5 minute mum?' Lots of activities and games that take 5 mins to set up.

@Shamelessnamechange9

Puddle suits are a godsend. DS has this one...

www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/waterproof-rain-bibs-b2378.html

And a waterproof coat (I put a jumper and too underneath if it's cold or he wears a thicker coat)

www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/childrens-yellow-waterproof-fishermans-jacket-h1141.html

A balance bike is a great idea as it great for practicing their balance for when they get a big boys bike (we don't do stabilisers). When their confidence has increased they can go down little grass hills on it. So fun to watch them!!

striderbikes.co.uk/buy/balance-bikes/14x/strider-14x-sport-balance-bike/

(12 inches or 14 but the seat can move up and down depending on leg length)

And for a helmet (I also bought his scooter from here)

www.micro-scooters.co.uk/browse-plain-helmets

(There are instructions to measure circumference of head).

I bought these things for first lockdown and we focused on learning how to ride a balance bike. You go to your local parks or/and National Trust sites (we are members so don't pay as we go).

A friend gave me all of the above advice so just passing it on. I used to turn up for a play date with DS in his jeans and then he suggested the above 😳😆

@absy I'm gonna do that next time I babysit the GC. My suggestions that they play sleeping lions have been recognised as the grandmotherly signs of utter boredom so I need a new trick
OP just do your best. That's enough. Honestly. Some aspects of motherhood are fucking relentless.

It’s boring for an adult to play with a small child all the time and previous generations didn’t do it. My gran had four kids and worked at the bakery, then at the weekend she did laundry in a poss tub and scrubbed it by hand. She certainly wasn’t wanking around with Lego all day. My own mother played with me but not constantly. I think the fact that kids have less siblings nowadays has created unrealistic expectations of parents to entertain them, and the pandemic hasn’t helped because it prevents them playing with other kids.

Google
You tube just dance for kids

I think also managed a simplified game of uno at age three. I quite enjoyed that.

Cardboard is a bloody godsend. You can draw round them and ask them to colour it in or stick stuff onto it. You can make dens, cars, buses, castles with bigger boxes. or do collections of green things or precious things or whatever it is they might be into.

Or just rip it up madly or squish it. I remember once making a snake out of that weird long packing that Amazon sometimes sends. It was absolute rubbish but wasted ten minutes.

You can also try freezing some playmobile characters in water (just put them in a bowl/ziplock bag of water and freezeit overnight). Then be all "oh no, those poor people/dinosaurs/whatever are trapped in ice. You need to rescue them."Then let him work away with a tray, the ice block and something to chip at it like a spoon/small dinner knife. Hours that can take up if you are lucky (or less if you have the clever sort who puts it under the hot tap in the sink). Still fun though.

@apalledandshocked

Ooh going to steal this idea 🙃

These ideas are fab Any ideas for eight month-old babies?!! #groundhogday!

@Nicknamegoeshere

My 8 month just sat quite happily splashing the cat's water about for nearly 20 minutes. Both baby and floor are very wet but no adult input was required. Not really sure if that counts as a win or not?

I recommend a small ball pit for an 8 month old. Ours was about £11 from Argos. You can let them throw the balls, they can sit up in it, and you can hide toys in the bottom for them.

I've discovered I can play a lot longer if I listen to a podcast (using one ear bud) at the same time. Can highly recommend "Lockdown Parenting Hell" although i do get some strange looks when I laugh out loud and the 5yr old doesn't know why 😀

@Shamelessnamechange9 if he’s very boisterous with the attention span of a gnat then some of ways to ‘help’ you do things round the house will be really difficult. It’s like having a very active dog cooped up, being destructive. Less boisterous kids are far far easier. Get him outside on long long walks as much as you can bear it. Daily. In full waterproofs if needed.
It is not easy right now, it really isn’t.

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