To ask for a pat on the back RE weight loss - sad about DH's reaction

[FluffyBlueJumper]

Since mid-October I have lost a lot of weight (over 4 stone). I have gone from a size 18 to an 8-10.
DH has not said a thing, so yesterday I playfully asked him to feel my back, because all the padding has gone.
The only thing he said was "Ew, your skin has changed, it is like old lady's skin". (FYI I am 39 and there is no loose skin hanging off my body).

I am feeling crushed. It has made me realise that I cannot even remember the last time he complimented me. It is always little digs, little put downs.

Can you please tell me I have done great?

Wow you look amazing and look much much younger, I think someone is feeling insecure and doesn’t like that you’ve lost weight but I thought that as soon as I read your op but after seeing your pics I am certain that is the reason!

Wouldn’t be surprised if in a few months time you tell us you’ve lost 12 stone of ugly blubber 😂

Incredible achievement OP.
And what a gorgeous woman you are.

You look very very young.

Unfortunately it sounds like you are married to a nasty prick.

You are not stuck though.

His comment is most likely not in isolation.
I can't believe a remark as vicious as that is a one off.

Women's Aid is a great resource for women.
Think about your relationship.
Talk to Women's Aid if you think you are not being treated properly.

What is your relationship like?
Is he a good father?
Generous?
Does he do his share of parenting and housework?
Is he controlling of what you do in any way?

Think about the above.
Well done for your incredible achievement.

He is probably jealous Dsis husband was a nice man she lost 5 stone 5 years ago he changed into a jealous negative controlling prick she'd be best of dumping him too.

I have spent my whole adult life thinking I was a useless, lazy, fat blob

Sounds like you certainly had help from your husband reinforcing the idea. And as others said, before he could put you down by talking about slim women, I wonder what he will criticise next? Already started with your skin, I see..

But I definitely need to do something. I have spent my whole adult life thinking I was a useless, lazy, fat blob, and it is dawning on me that I am actually a smart, determined woman.

Yes Fluffy you definitely are. I feel like you have really started something transformational for yourself. You have confidence now - you can start a big project and see it through to the end, all on your own, you have proof of that now. I can't wait to hear what you do next.

Please remember your children are seeing and hearing this, they'll notice the unopened presents and the way he talks to you. It's teaching your DD that's how she'll be treated and your sons how to treat a wife. He is abusing you.

@FluffyBlueJumper

Since mid-October I have lost a lot of weight (over 4 stone). I have gone from a size 18 to an 8-10. DH has not said a thing, so yesterday I playfully asked him to feel my back, because all the padding has gone. The only thing he said was "Ew, your skin has changed, it is like old lady's skin". (FYI I am 39 and there is no loose skin hanging off my body).

I am feeling crushed. It has made me realise that I cannot even remember the last time he complimented me. It is always little digs, little put downs.

Can you please tell me I have done great?

Some people do that, I think, because they are mean spirited and it seems to please them to avoid the elephant in the room, so to speak! How childish.

Maybe your OH is worried you will now be more attractive to other men and he imagines he will feel jealous?

@FluffyBlueJumper

chatw00 I am 5'7" but I am wearing heels in the first picture.

You look lovely! I noticed the height. Go you.

@justilou1

Maybe you should think about his food, and what you can find under the sink to add to it.... 😡🤬😡

What???????

op you are a star and your dh is very very jealous. he is a prick.

I caught up on the thread he is spiteful, you look amazing 👏

i just saw your picture, you are very pretty as well. God bless you and your child.

I think he’s jealous, is he overweight himself? Maybe he’s insecure and thinks you’ll find someone else now you have some confidence. He’s a dickhead.

@FluffyBlueJumper

Hi *@austenwildfell*! This thread really cheered me up - I guess I am vain enough to need other people's validation. I am thinking about the relationship, but I need time.

As for the next project, I think I need a lot more time to work on my weight and food issues - this is only the beginning, maintenance is going to be as difficult as the weight loss.

But I definitely need to do something. I have spent my whole adult life thinking I was a useless, lazy, fat blob, and it is dawning on me that I am actually a smart, determined woman.

Hi, Fluffybluejumper, I just want to say you most certainly are a very intelligent, organised, detemined and resilient woman to have decided to what you wanted to do, how to do it and do it by and for yourself without the support of the one who should most support you in whatever you do.

I am a lot older than you and very different lifestyle not having any kids but looking at your before photo we could have been sisters when I was in my twenties by your hair and face/body shape so I can identify.

I was losing weight very slowly - 4st in 4years but have re- gained in the last year so I do admire the amazing discipline you have to organise and keep at your schedule with 3 children and no help.

So Very Well Done and good wishes with whatever you do next.

@cateycloggs aw, thank you!
(the baby in the before photo is actually DC4!)

@janegrey333 it was obviously said tongue in cheek

[quote FluffyBlueJumper]@cateycloggs aw, thank you!
(the baby in the before photo is actually DC4!)[/quote]
You're welcome, I really mean it most sincerely and Congratulations on all your children, I think they are lucky to have you as their mum. Hope you can resolve your difficulties and keep up your own plans.

Well don’t OP, that’s an amazing achievement and you look fantastic!

I have also lost quite a bit of weight (nearly 4 stone) and some of the comments I’ve had have been quite bizarre. Not from DH though.

Some people can’t handle their partner losing weight or changing themselves for the better. It makes them feel left behind or if they are controlling, then they feel they are losing that control. I would be reevaluating my relationship OP and deciding if I really wanted to continue being married to a man who can’t celebrate my achievements along with me.

In your reply to me this morning you mentioned vanity and validation. I get what you mean but look on the replies you have received and think of them as a "peer review" which you have earned. Many of us have 'form' for the eating/dieting/binge cycle. You have received acclaim from 'experts'.
Much higher value than a heap of 'likes' on FB.
I think your thread must hold a record (13 pages) for the few if any critical posts. We are unanimous.

Well done. That cant have been easy. Your DH is a nasty piece of work

I'm really impressed at your determination and resilience, especially harnessed to a man like that! Well done you.

Brief warning for the years ahead- low carb doesn't work as well second time around. I lost weight fast the first time I did it, broke my routine for a wedding, and wasn't ever able to get back on to it again. Once I started eating carbs it was hard to stop and when I did, the weight didn't shift.

Safeguard your hard work- you look great, keep it up!

That is a fantastic achievement. Well done OP!
It sounds like he's jealous and feels threatened by your weight loss so he's trying to knock your confidence and self-esteem so you don't find better. Which you can. So please do.

and 4 dcs???? voooow.

@bluebell34567

and 4 dcs???? voooow.

I am bit drunk and read ot on the quick look through "threads you are on" as 4 dicks and genuinely 2ondered for a minute about how many calories that orgy could burn...