To ask for a pat on the back RE weight loss - sad about DH's reaction

[FluffyBlueJumper]

Since mid-October I have lost a lot of weight (over 4 stone). I have gone from a size 18 to an 8-10.
DH has not said a thing, so yesterday I playfully asked him to feel my back, because all the padding has gone.
The only thing he said was "Ew, your skin has changed, it is like old lady's skin". (FYI I am 39 and there is no loose skin hanging off my body).

I am feeling crushed. It has made me realise that I cannot even remember the last time he complimented me. It is always little digs, little put downs.

Can you please tell me I have done great?

Of course he is jealous and bitter, and probably worried other men will fancy you. He wants to neg you, bring you down, and make you feel like shit.

Well done on losing it @FluffyBlueJumper but I am worried that you have lost so much in such a short time. 4 stone in 3 and a half months is a lot of weight to lose. (Unless you were 24-25 stone before, that is a lot of weight to lose.)

All that said, your DH sounds vile. And jealous and bitter, and you deserve better.

You do look fab by the way. I hope you manage to keep the weight off...

Absolutely @JollyGreenGiantess - sorry I should have been clearer. I only meant that its possible that rather than being abusive by character, he may just have a lot of issues of his own (insecurity, jealousy etc.) which are manifesting in this unkind behaviour. If it's the latter it is possible that he might be capable of change. But as I said... I rather doubt it.

You look amazing OP, well done!

At what point did your DH turn so nasty?

After the wedding? After the baby was born?

He sounds absolutely horrible and tbh, I'd be very concerned about his influence on your child.

I use to go to a slimming world group;90% of the group members were women.Literally on a weekly basis they'd be at least one woman grumbling about an unsupportive partner/husband.

This would range from in general not really being interested in their other half's weight loss to refusing to change cooking habits,offering foods that didn't help to outright sabotage and jealousy.

Myself and my friend who use to go invited one of the other school mums to come with us and she said to us "I'll have to ask my husband" and then told her husband said no she couldn't go because if she lost weight she might leave him (she eventually did end up divorcing the idiot).

There's another thread on here where the OP's husband has a issue with her 3 stone weight loss.

It sounds as though your husband is jealous and insecure especially given the age gap as well.

@WorraLiberty we have several children
Looking back there were very early, subtle warning signs that I missed after the birth of DC1.
Things went bad after we had DC3 (I suppose that in his mind I was "trapped" enough).
I think the frog in boiling water analogy applies here. He did not turn nasty overnight.

Wow you look great op, definitely get rid of the extra 12 or so stone though (husband), you'll feel so much better. Seriously, why did you marry him? Did he used to not be such a shit? Why do some women marry and have babies with horrible men like this? He sounds like the sort of man you'd meet once and hope never to have to suffer to talk to again. Is he amazingly good looking or something? I don't get it, you don't have to be treated like this, IT IS NOT NORMAL. Imagine if a friend or work colleague spoke to you like he does? You probably wouldn't be very happy would you? Now consider that this man is meant to love you, he's meant to like you best, hurting you should hurt him even worse, seriously and I mean this with love, WAKE UP before your kids think this is normal and recreate your relationship.

Boast away to us! That's amazing. It took me 9 months to lost 2 stone 6lbs and I bored for England on the subject!
You deserve a fanfare (and new wardrobe) not a mealy mouthed insult

You've done very well and at your age, your skin will not be like an old lady's. I'm sure you exercise regularly.

Use some Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, it is wonderful - but for your own self esteem. Ditch him!!!! Arsehole.

PS: When I first saw thread title I thought it was something to do with Religious Education!

Wow - very inspiring. You look amazing. I have a similar amount to lose. just starting on my journey.

Can’t believe your ‘D’H though. I’d be considering losing another 14 stone or so in the next few months

You look absolutely amazing. You have a very nasty husband

Wow dear girl, you are an inspiration! I'm also doing keto, I had previously lost 3 stone but put 2 of them back on in lockdown, and in the last four months I have managed to lose a stone again...so I'm persevering and having a wonderful example like you will help keep me going...

and as many others have said, there is another 12 stone or so you would do really well without

You look incredible. You’re obviously a very beautiful woman at any weight, but that weight loss is seriously impressive and you look fabulous. You should be very proud of yourself!

Your husband is obviously a deeply insecure man, sadly. I’ve seen this before with men who prefer to keep their wife feeling down, fat and frumpy and with low self esteem. Easier to control that way. But slim, fit and achieving her goals? Not so easy to dominate.

It’s abusive, OP. Simple as that. I guess you have to now decide what to do with that revelation...

Good luck .

Wow. Really really well done OP. I am a similar weight, and although I did loose almost 2 stone, since last March I've put it all back on.
It would be easy for me to blame DH - he has taken on the role of chef and serves huge portions of high carb meals even though I've asked him not to. It's me who eats them though. And the treats he brings out in the evening. . it's hard, so I really admire your will power. Well done.

[quote FluffyBlueJumper]@Cadent I stayed around 800kcal/day during the weight phase.[/quote]
Thanks, good to know it’s possible

I think your DH wanted you to stay overweight so that your confidence remained low and you would be less likely to leave him.

Well done, very well done.

‘ when I try to talk to him about me feelings, he waves his hands around saying "look at me, look at me! I'm a pwincess", then goes on a rant about spoilt, whiny "Western women". Last time was on Christmas Day, when I explained very calmly that not getting a single present from him upset me and made me feel unappreciated.’

What a git!

Possibly he a tiddy bit insecure about how very attractive you are, & also how determined you can be. Possibly, maybe, just a bit.

BUT to be so very mean spirited, mocking & dismissive - not acceptable.
Use your determination & will to make changes in this relationship as he is not on your side.

Well done on your weight loss.

You're married to a twat.

Well done, that's amazing! 😊

Congratulations! Great achievement and good luck maintaining.

Wow well done OP you look incredible!

Your husband sounds like a nasty little man. I hope with your new found confidence you LTB as you deserve better.

I lost two stone before Xmas but January/lockdown has been a different story and I've put 10 lbs back on. I'm so cross with myself as I was feeling great for the first time since DC2 was born. I'm going to use you as inspiration to get back on it!

Would you mind sharing your general exercise plan?

Wow! Wish I could do that, it's amazing! I would think your skin will bounce back eventually at your age.

Fantastic,well done...I really wish I could get going with losing a few stone💐

Well done OP. You look amazing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I have lost 9lbs since Jan 4th and it has been bloody hard work. You have given me a boost to carry on, thank you.

How much, on average were you losing each week?

Last time was on Christmas Day, when I explained very calmly that not getting a single present from him upset me and made me feel unappreciated.

Bloody hell, I thought he was an arsehole even before you said that. Run for the hills!