To ask for a pat on the back RE weight loss - sad about DH's reaction

[FluffyBlueJumper]

Since mid-October I have lost a lot of weight (over 4 stone). I have gone from a size 18 to an 8-10.
DH has not said a thing, so yesterday I playfully asked him to feel my back, because all the padding has gone.
The only thing he said was "Ew, your skin has changed, it is like old lady's skin". (FYI I am 39 and there is no loose skin hanging off my body).

I am feeling crushed. It has made me realise that I cannot even remember the last time he complimented me. It is always little digs, little put downs.

Can you please tell me I have done great?

when I try to talk to him about me feelings, he waves his hands around saying "look at me, look at me! I'm a pwincess", then goes on a rant about spoilt, whiny "Western women". Last time was on Christmas Day, when I explained very calmly that not getting a single present from him upset me and made me feel unappreciated.

My jaw dropped at this 😡 How bloody dare he. OP, if I was you I’d start getting my ducks in a row. You deserve so so much better. Don’t let a man like this be good enough for you.

That's flipping amazing omg! Congratulations you!

That is so impressive, well done! I was going to suggest that your DH is insecure/preferred how you looked before/is annoyed that he hasn't done the same as you with regards to health and appearance etc... but HONESTLY... the likelihood is that he's just a bit of a knob, especially if this is an ongoing thing and he puts you down a lot. I wish I had your willpower, I bet you look amazing. Treat yourself to something to celebrate and tell your DH to have a word with himself!

If your baby is a girl, do you want her growing up thinking that it’s okay to tolerate being spoken to like this? Are you going to minimize her father’s behaviour towards you under the guise of “keeping the family together?”
If baby is a boy, do you want him speaking to his future partners this way?

@FluffyBlueJumper

This is me this morning...

You are absolutely stunning. Genuinely. I'm sitting here in my dressing gown feeling like a bit of a frump now 😂

Jesus I have lost a stone and thought I had done well same time frame. That is absolutely amazing reckon he is jealous.

Oh gosh this is amazing OP. It takes so so much will power. You have helped your health a huge amount. Please be very proud of your achievement- it’s amazing!

Okay, this:
when I try to talk to him about me feelings, he waves his hands around saying "look at me, look at me! I'm a pwincess", then goes on a rant about spoilt, whiny "Western women". Last time was on Christmas Day, when I explained very calmly that not getting a single present from him upset me and made me feel unappreciated.

This is just deliberately, purposely fucking MEAN. He sounds like he's always been mean too. Like he likes being mean, and likes to keep you in your place that way. I wouldn't speak to someone I hated the way he speaks to you, much less someone I professed to love. Has he always been mean?

Congratulations on your weight loss and fitness. You've done brilliantly. Sadly, I think it's highlighting some issues with your H (I will absolutely not be calling him 'D') of which his mean comment today was just the tip of the iceberg. Please consider starting a thread in relationships, because you deserve so much better than to be with someone mean who gets off on putting you down.

Well done on the weight loss! Very sorry you have a horrible husband.

You look amazing! Such a huge achievement, well done! I'm a massive yo yo dieter. I've lost 8 pounds in the last two weeks and now have exactly 4 stone to go - just seems such a lot and worried I'll give up! Any advice? I'm also 5ft 7 - do you mind me asking what weight you are now to give me an idea compared to my goal x

You are bloody stunning OP. You've done fantastic! You deserve so much better than your nob of a husband.

[quote FluffyBlueJumper]@Cadent I stayed around 800kcal/day during the weight phase.[/quote]
You look phenomenal.

Use some of that iron will to rethink this relationship and how it works for you. Think about your goals, and what you need to do to get there.

You look amazing!

Your H is an arse.

You look amazing. It’s an incredible achievement especially during the time of Covid. Your husband is either insecure because you look very lovely or a mean git. Does he have any redeeming qualities.

You look amazing I would never have you down as 40

That's an amazing effort, well done. You should be very proud of yourself.

That is really fantastic OP. You are an inspiration!

"when I try to talk to him about me feelings, he waves his hands around saying "look at me, look at me! I'm a pwincess", then goes on a rant about spoilt, whiny "Western women". Last time was on Christmas Day, when I explained very calmly that not getting a single present from him upset me and made me feel unappreciated."

Ok I posted before I'd seen this. Real talk, this sounds like ongoing emotional abuse. It may well be that, as others have said, he treats you this way because he's scared you'll leave him but that absolutely DOES NOT excuse it.

If you're really invested in this relationship you may want to try couples therapy but only if he concedes that HE needs to change and is willing to accept his issues and make an enormous effort. If he doesn't (and I'm afraid it sounds to me like he won't) then don't give him a second chance. Get out. You deserve so much better.

You are awesome and I am trying to follow in your footsteps. Huge achievement!! Xx

You are AWESOME for doing this and should be really proud of yourself.

Your husband is an arse. A miserable, thoughtless, arse.

@PennyV13 I was just under 9st 10lb this morning.

You've done brilliantly. Well done!

I mean, when I'd just read your first post I did think about saying something about how I sometimes struggle with what to say to my DH who struggles with his weight a bit, because I want to support and encourage him when he loses without making him feel like shit if he gains a bit again, but I don't at all think that this is a man who's tactless and insecure, I think he's mean, controlling, and deliberately undermining you.

@Billben

Who the hell is the 4% who has voted YABU on this? 🙄 You are twats, just like OP’s DH.

Jealous that the OP has done so well maybe? Twats, in any case.

@alwayslemons

"when I try to talk to him about me feelings, he waves his hands around saying "look at me, look at me! I'm a pwincess", then goes on a rant about spoilt, whiny "Western women". Last time was on Christmas Day, when I explained very calmly that not getting a single present from him upset me and made me feel unappreciated."

Ok I posted before I'd seen this. Real talk, this sounds like ongoing emotional abuse. It may well be that, as others have said, he treats you this way because he's scared you'll leave him but that absolutely DOES NOT excuse it.

If you're really invested in this relationship you may want to try couples therapy but only if he concedes that HE needs to change and is willing to accept his issues and make an enormous effort. If he doesn't (and I'm afraid it sounds to me like he won't) then don't give him a second chance. Get out. You deserve so much better.

Absolutely agree that you deserve so much better. Just to be aware though, it isn’t recommended that you enter counselling with abuser/in an abusive relationship.