Page 7 | To think that rude is just rude?

hotwotsits · 2021-01-30T22:05:52+00:00

We bought my sister in law a birthday gift last week..nothing fancy just got flowers and chocolates sent (chose her favourite chocolates as there's a bit of a running joke with them). Didn't hear anything from her until today and got a text saying 'got the pressie, cheers'. Told dh it didn't sound like she was very grateful and he said 'yeah, she's not really that kind of person'. Well, I don't care if you are that kind of person or not. As a grown up surely you should have the decency to know that when you get a gift you should respond in a grateful manner, no excuses, aibu? There is really no excuse!

Original poster

hotwotsits · 31/01/2021 14:11

@AmperoBlue and as it goes, I'm 'just' a teacher too!

OP posts:

Original poster

hotwotsits · 31/01/2021 14:13

@burnoutbabe same message, sent to us both...sent in the same way you'd send a message to a group

OP posts:

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 31/01/2021 14:14

Yeah, I'd find that a bit abrupt but then I was brought up with good manners. I would certainly be more grateful and sound genuinely pleased in my response (even if I wasn't).

BlueThistles · 31/01/2021 14:19

[quote hotwotsits]@AmperoBlue and as it goes, I'm 'just' a teacher too![/quote]

Respect to you OP... 🌺

and thank you for keeping the nations kids learning during this difficult time 🎉

CityCommuter · 31/01/2021 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

hotwotsits · 31/01/2021 14:24

@BlueThistles very kind of you to say that, thank you

OP posts:

nosyupnorth · 31/01/2021 15:02

I've been reading this thread with bafflement trying to understand why anyone would think it a problem a fine if simple gift got a fine if simple thanks in response, but following the most recent revelation...

OP, are you perchance an English teacher? I can't think of any other reason why you complaint seems to be that there wasn't enough descriptive language in the thanks
perhaps you need remember she's your SIL not your student

seriously though: 'cheers' is a perfectly standard expression of appreciation - you might have a tendency towards more gushy language but you're reading way too much into it assume there's some sort of slight or rudeness just because her thanks wasn't as flowery as you'd write

BlueThistles · 31/01/2021 15:06

@nosyupnorth

I've been reading this thread with bafflement trying to understand why anyone would think it a problem a fine if simple gift got a fine if simple thanks in response, but following the most recent revelation...

OP, are you perchance an English teacher? I can't think of any other reason why you complaint seems to be that there wasn't enough descriptive language in the thanks
perhaps you need remember she's your SIL not your student

seriously though: 'cheers' is a perfectly standard expression of appreciation - you might have a tendency towards more gushy language but you're reading way too much into it assume there's some sort of slight or rudeness just because her thanks wasn't as flowery as you'd write

good lord so now it's OP's career choice that is her issue ... ffs this thread just gets better 🤣

Original poster

hotwotsits · 31/01/2021 15:17

@nosyupnorth ha ha, love it! No, not an English teacher

OP posts:

foxhat · 31/01/2021 15:18

Imagine having to waste your birthday by waiting for a phone call or sitting making polite chit chat on Face Time! Then multiply it by your entire extended family and your day or evening is almost gone.

I don't think anyone was suggested talking to her entire extended family. Just her brother.

GreenlandTheMovie · 31/01/2021 15:24

@foxhat

Imagine having to waste your birthday by waiting for a phone call or sitting making polite chit chat on Face Time! Then multiply it by your entire extended family and your day or evening is almost gone.

I don't think anyone was suggested talking to her entire extended family. Just her brother.

And if she has 2 brothers? And a sister, and mother and father, plus a couple of nieces and nephews?

I'm astonished at all these adults who are such spolit brats they call flowers and chocolates crap presents, who also have hours to sit chatting on the phone for every birthday.

So unless they receive a "better" present jewellery? Money? A trip to the Andes? They think it's all right to reply with a sullen text with wording more suited to a teenager?

Is she a teenager OP, whose parents reminded her to reply a week later?

Mary46 · 31/01/2021 15:46

Yes op I agree with you. Bit lax. I stopped with 2 nieces gifts never acknowledged. Why bother!! Its nice to have manners

sofiaaaaaa · 31/01/2021 15:51

I think you’re in the wrong for expecting anything above a “thank you”. She doesn’t have to be extra so show she’s grateful, a thanks is sufficient. If she didn’t say anything at all, I’d agree with you.

Realistically it’s a box of chocolates, doesn’t really require a gushing response back. Don’t get me wrong, cheers can be taken sarcastically (I use it like this myself) but I think she’s done enough to say thanks

Anoisagusaris · 31/01/2021 15:55

How is a delivery of flowers a shit present? They cost a fortune here. It’s not like picking up a €3 bunch of carnations in supermarket/petrol station.

I love flower deliveries.

What do people deem an acceptable present for a regular birthday for a sibling?

BackforGood · 31/01/2021 16:19

We always send a text to siblings on birthdays.

See, this is what I don't understand.
For me, I think it is odd that you and your dh "can't be bothered" to make the time to phone a person with a birthday, and make it a bit more special, on the day, than a text. But, for you that is perfectly normal and 'what your family do'.

So why can't you see that, your SiL's less formal way of saying thank you, is just what she does.

You need to accept that we all have different ways of saying thank you, and that your SiL doesn't appreciate the gift any less, because she uses different words from what you were hoping for.

georgarina · 31/01/2021 16:23

Yeah it's not a huge thing but it would annoy me. You can say something better than 'got them, thanks.'

Harvey3 · 31/01/2021 16:43

Completely agree with you OP - I'd personally find that short and rude. It takes 10 seconds to text a decent sentence saying thanks for the presents, had a lovely birthday.
Like a PP said, manners cost nothing.

VeronicaHarmonica · 31/01/2021 16:46

It is very blunt and I’d probably be offended too.

But what I’m confused about is that she’s your SIL so assuming you’ve known her a while and given her gifts before so if this is the way she usually is then why be offended now?

aSofaNearYou · 31/01/2021 17:16

I don't think there's anything wrong with the message she sent, it was a thankyou, just not a wordy one. If it arrived on her birthday it's a bit odd that she sent it a week later, though.

burnoutbabe · 31/01/2021 18:03

yes i assume if sent a week later, the presents arrived a week late and i'd be chasing up the delivery company on it!

(often with flower delivieres, you need to let the recipient know in case they were out and a neighbour took them in and forgot/shoved into a garden shed etc)

phoenixrosehere · 31/01/2021 18:12

I think yabu.

She said thank you and just because you don’t like the way she said it, doesn’t mean it’s rude. I usually have a more drawn out way of doing it but I wouldn’t be upset over a few words as long as they say thank you. Not everyone expects a drawn out thank you and if it really bothers you so, why not tell her instead of calling her rude. She probably doesn’t know that is what you expect and others around her might not have the same expectations as you either.

phoenixrosehere · 31/01/2021 18:14

Also, it’s a text. There’s no tone so the way you’re reading it can be based on your feelings about her.

PlanetSlattern · 31/01/2021 19:15

I would find that text a bit offhand, it's not what I would send.

However, I know a few people who a) are embarrassed by any kind of fuss and b) aren't great communicators. Your SIL could be either or both of these.

I think it likely that an effusive thank you from you, if the tables were turned, would be considered too much by her.

Horses for courses.

Emeraldshamrock · 31/01/2021 19:22

Yanbu. A decent quick thank you for the flowers and chocolate text takes 30 seconds.

sadpapercourtesan · 31/01/2021 19:26

Loads of posters as usual taking the opportunity to put the boot in

It wasn't a shit gift OP, flowers and some particular chocolates she likes is very thoughtful. I'd have been delighted with it.

I think her message back was pretty dismissive and not a proper thank you.