To think that rude is just rude?

[hotwotsits]

We bought my sister in law a birthday gift last week..nothing fancy just got flowers and chocolates sent (chose her favourite chocolates as there's a bit of a running joke with them). Didn't hear anything from her until today and got a text saying 'got the pressie, cheers'. Told dh it didn't sound like she was very grateful and he said 'yeah, she's not really that kind of person'. Well, I don't care if you are that kind of person or not. As a grown up surely you should have the decency to know that when you get a gift you should respond in a grateful manner, no excuses, aibu? There is really no excuse!

I don't think it is rude. Casual/informal yes but not rude. Just accept people speak differently and tone can be misinterpreted in texts.

Can’t believe people think this is an acceptable response! The “cheers” combined with the thumbs up is incredibly rude. It’s what my work colleagues send when I let them know what shifts they’ve been scheduled for. Very casual and in this situation it seems passive aggressive.
FWIW OP, I love flowers! My best friend had some delivered to me for my 30th and I love them. I rarely get given flowers and I know it costs a lot to get fancy ones delivered from a proper florist. It’s not something I would ever spend money on for myself, so it’s such a nice treat.

Your SIL is rude, and this lover of flowers is thankful that she isn't related to or acquainted with the posters on here who are scoffing at your gift or, come to that, who believe that SIL's message was reasonable.

Some bizarre responses here, I think flowers are a lovely present and cost a fortune if you don't live locally and have to send them. I wouldn't bother getting her presents in future, let your husband deal with it if he wants to. Does she make any effort for you?

I should have left out what the gift was because actually it really shouldn't matter...

Does your sil have loads of different mn accounts? Because so so many rude nutters on here slagging off a nice ordinary birthday present for an adult which is also something that adult enjoys.

Agree, firstly florist delivered bouquet and posh chocs are a good present. It's not like petrol station flowers and a Mars bar!

I'd find that message a bit rude too. Even if the present wasn't to my taste I'd find something more to say than 'cheers'

YANBU, very bad form on your SIL's part, and there's nothing wrong with flowers and chocolates as a gift. I'm always very grateful when anybody thinks to buy me anything.

But she’s not that sort of gushing person - what did you expect?

But I think that's what I'm struggling to
understand...even if you're not that kind of person you should know how to be polite and grateful? I'm a pretty quiet person and feel shy speaking to people I don't know but I know that it's polite to say good morning as I pass people I don't know at work etc, it's just part of being a polite, welll mannered grown up, isn't it?

I'd find the thumbs up reply to the happy birthday text a bit rude maybe but that's just me!

Her response wasn’t that great, and I can imagine being a little bit miffed, but its hardly something to give any headspace to, especially now! I certainly wouldn’t post an AIBU thread to complain about it.

Is this how she normally responds to gifts? If it is, surely you should be used to it by now??

YABVU "to think that rude is just rude"

As you've seen from the responses (especially @2020iscancelled's excellent post) people have different perceptions of what is 'rude' and what isn't.

I wouldn't expect more than a text message in this day and age, from someone such as a SiL. Some people use fewer words than others.
In our family each of us would phone the birthday girl or birthday boy during the afternoon or evening and ask them if they were having a nice day / what they were doing / if they'd had anything nice / etc, and the thanks would generally come out in the chat. But I am socially aware enough to know that just because that is what I would do, doesn't mean that is what everyone would do.

I've also have a few handwritten cards from people thanking me for things this year, which were very nice to receive, but it doesn't mean I expect everybody I do something nice for, to write me a card. I understand that some people are card senders, some are letter writers, some are phoners, some texters, and others might not even message a thanks, but might just do something nice for me when they can.

I don't think any more or any less of any of them for having different priorities in different areas, from what I might have.

I'm always delighted with nice flowers delivered, very thoughtful and I would always send a very thankful text to my friends who are the usual ones to send that type of thing. Ditto nice chocs esp ones especially chosen for me. Totally rude to just say 'cheers'.

Can't believe everyone is saying 'mediocre' gift, I think decent flowers, posh chocs are fab gifts to give and to receive, I don't want most other things that could be sent during covid times!

Next year DEMAND a fly pass to say thank you with some fireworks after. Jesus you sent some flowers and chocolates, she said cheers, what bloody more do you want

@Mammaaof that's what I find interesting and disappointing - that it seems delivered flowers and chocolates are a crap gift and a cheers is okay.

Anyway, it won't change how I respond to gifts but I'll expect less in the future. Glad to have had the responses that I got .

I'm with you OP. I think some posters on here were never taught 'it's the thought that counts' how rude to say things like "it's just flowers and chocolate".
Geez I am very grateful when someone thinks of me on my birthday and always thank them whether it's for flowers, a card or even just a happy birthday message! It's basic manners.

Does she like flowers and chocolates? Because if she doesn’t, then it isn’t a carefully chosen gift, it’s the kind of thing workplaces get colleagues who are off sick. To me it’s a gift that says, that’s my responsibility to acknowledge your birthday done.
Fwiw I would have replied with a “proper” thank you, but I’d acknowledge to myself that this gift and thank you was a formality.
So I don’t think you should be too upset with the casual response.

@BackforGood it's not priorities...the text was being sent, it could have/should have had more than 4 words, that's all.

I agree with you, OP. I think she was rude! How difficult/time consuming is it to say "Thank you for my gift. Flowers are beautiful and looking forward to tucking into the chocolates!"?! It's not cheap to have flowers delivered. And I think it's a nice gift, I love flowers. I think some people on MN just like to disagree for the sake of it.

@Coffeeandaride what the gift was or whether she likes chocolates and flowers (she does) is entirely irrelevant. That's my point, it doesn't matter what it was or what the cost/effort is. It's a bit like a previous poster said, would you let your kid respond like that because they got a present that they don't like??

[quote hotwotsits]@Mammaaof that's what I find interesting and disappointing - that it seems delivered flowers and chocolates are a crap gift and a cheers is okay.

Anyway, it won't change how I respond to gifts but I'll expect less in the future. Glad to have had the responses that I got .[/quote]
Flowers and chocolates aren't a crap gift.
What more do people want? Barbie dream house and lego sets? 😂

@blablasmthsmth totally..,will go with that next time

Yes she sounds rude.
Maybe she’s got the hump because it’s a lockdown birthday or maybe she’s just rude and ungrateful.

At least you know not to bother next year!

I remember spending a relatively large sum on a flower delivery for my aunt. I felt good about it until I phoned up. She was very kind the flowers are lovely but then said she had had six bunches and I could tell she was disappointed that people hadn’t put more thought in.
Me spending money and deciding on the perfect bunch didn’t actually equate to it being a good present.