To think that rude is just rude?

[hotwotsits]

We bought my sister in law a birthday gift last week..nothing fancy just got flowers and chocolates sent (chose her favourite chocolates as there's a bit of a running joke with them). Didn't hear anything from her until today and got a text saying 'got the pressie, cheers'. Told dh it didn't sound like she was very grateful and he said 'yeah, she's not really that kind of person'. Well, I don't care if you are that kind of person or not. As a grown up surely you should have the decency to know that when you get a gift you should respond in a grateful manner, no excuses, aibu? There is really no excuse!

OP I think YANBU. Her message did sound a bit perfunctory. I am a bit at all the grabby princesses rubbishing your gift on here though.

To wait for days and then send such a half-hearted response is very rude IMO. I'd be delighted to receive either flowers or chocolates, never mind both, and would have been much more appreciative. I can't believe how dismissive some people here are about the fact that somebody has been kind enough to bother to send a gift.

This is a bit of a controversial opinion (on MN at least) but IMP there's absolutely nothing wrong with not thanking someone for a big standard present. And it's SO self involved to be hung up on getting a big fanfare of gratitude. You get presents for someone for their sake not yours.

I'm really not sure what kind of words or fuss you expected over flowers and chocolates?

Jeez it was a shit gift what did you expect?

You’ve mentioned twice that the chocolate is a running joke, is the joke at her expense?

Just a thought re the chocolates being a running family joke with your SIL. Is she by any chance overweight and is that making the joke a sore point? If, for example, she's trying to go on a diet, the chocolates may not be appreciated.

I've been there. I've groaned inwardly at chocolate box presents in the past. (I always thank the giver politely, though.)

I’d rather get flowers and/or nice chocolates than regifted smellies tbh.

I don't know if I have misunderstood but it sounds like you/ DH did not call her on her birthday? Lockdown birthdays are shit and a proper contact with family (phone call not message) can be really important. I think perhaps she thought she'd thank you when you/ DH called but as he didn't bother she has been struggling with feeling like people don't much care and in that context it's taken her a week to send a modest thank-you. It clearly is a thank-you though, no denying that.

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

This is a bit of a controversial opinion (on MN at least) but IMP there's absolutely nothing wrong with not thanking someone for a big standard present. And it's SO self involved to be hung up on getting a big fanfare of gratitude. You get presents for someone for their sake not yours.

I'm really not sure what kind of words or fuss you expected over flowers and chocolates?

'thank you very much'?

Takes less than two seconds to type.

The rude part was waiting a week to respond.

Why didn’t you call/ FaceTime on her birthday? Am I missing something? A text on her birthday is hardly what I would call thoughtful and I would send a thumbs up or “thanks” back too. Sending flowers and chocolates is nice but hardly very thoughtful for a family member too. I would say thank you but I wouldn’t be swinging from the chandelier about it.

I am gobsmacked at this thread.

That response was extremely rude.

Chocolate and flowers are a lovely gift to receive.

A nice text on a birthday is perfectly fine if that’s how you normally communicate.

We always send a text to siblings on birthdays. The rubbishing of the gifts is really astonishing on here, like I've said a million times, the actual gift is not the point. Anyway, I'll leave it there, nothing more to be said. I'll keep doing what I do in response and remember to not get hung up when others respond in a different way.

You can’t expect people to behave as you would behave; that’s not fair or reasonable. Everyone’s different.

@Ghostella

Why didn’t you call/ FaceTime on her birthday? Am I missing something? A text on her birthday is hardly what I would call thoughtful and I would send a thumbs up or “thanks” back too. Sending flowers and chocolates is nice but hardly very thoughtful for a family member too. I would say thank you but I wouldn’t be swinging from the chandelier about it.

The thought of having to face time my SIL or having to speak on the telephone to her makes me want to stick pins in my eyes, as opposed to enjoying the chocolates and flowers. Though given the strange aversion that some people on here have to being given flowers, throwing said flowers in the bin.

Imagine having to waste your birthday by waiting for a phone call or sitting making polite chit chat on Face Time! Then multiply it by your entire extended family and your day or evening is almost gone.

@Maves

Jeez it was a shit gift what did you expect?

Sheesh, what on earth do you expect, as an adult, for a birthday gift, from your SIL, so that flowers and chocolates is a "shit gift"?

Are you actually an adult at all?

@MorrisZapp which is exactly what the OP's SIL did do.

I do say thank you for firsts via a short text but I don't get hung up on having a meaningful thank you (or a thank you of any kind TBH)

Imagine having to waste your birthday by waiting for a phone call or sitting making polite chit chat on Face Time! Then multiply it by your entire extended family and your day or evening is almost gone.

Shudder.

YANBU at all OP. Can’t understand the responses you’re receiving. I thank people for everything I receive no matter how small. You didn’t have to get her anything.

She sounds entitled and rude. Don’t go out of your way again.

YANBU

If she had said this to you, it would have come across as rude, same way as the text came across as rude imo!

She said thank you, what more do you want? Its not like it was some amazing gift, it was literally flowers and chocolates!

@wewillmeetagain thanks...there's been about 20 identical posts to yours. I get it, flowers and chocolates are a dreadful gift only worthy of a 'cheers'. Understood

She sounds entitled and rude. Don’t go out of your way again”

Any less out the way would mean no gift at all surely.

This is a family member not a friend you see once a year. I don’t swap gifts with my siblings unless I’ve found something they really want but we do cards and a chat. If I bought flowers and chocolates I wouldn’t expect much more than an acknowledgement I’d remembered.

I’ve just had a lockdown birthday. I got flowers, chocolates AND wine delivered from 2 friends , and flowers and/or chocolates from everyone to go with whatever additional small gift they got me. And my friends are just normal teachers/admin staf etc.

@AmperoBlue AND wine? Wow, definitely a big thank you in that case. That added thought of a bottle of wine makes all the difference.

actually thinking about it, why is she thanking YOU>

this is your brothers sister? I'd send a message to my sister to say thanks for the presents, not to my Sister in law (her wife) even if in fact she may be the actual arranger of the gift. Like I would expect my other halves sister to say thanks to my OH for gifts to their family, even if I used my prime account to buy them,

Unless you and husband do separate gifts?

(main exception is I generally thank my mum for choosing my presents as I know dad doesn't get involved in that beyond paying, he doesn't go out and order any/buy any as such)