To think that rude is just rude?

[hotwotsits]

We bought my sister in law a birthday gift last week..nothing fancy just got flowers and chocolates sent (chose her favourite chocolates as there's a bit of a running joke with them). Didn't hear anything from her until today and got a text saying 'got the pressie, cheers'. Told dh it didn't sound like she was very grateful and he said 'yeah, she's not really that kind of person'. Well, I don't care if you are that kind of person or not. As a grown up surely you should have the decency to know that when you get a gift you should respond in a grateful manner, no excuses, aibu? There is really no excuse!

Really she should send you a thank you card written in her own blood and her first born enclosed.

It’s not great manners from her.

But equally you guys didn’t bother to ring her? Or sent a handwritten card? A text and generic flowers/chocolates do comes across as offhand.

You’re projecting how you would react onto someone else.

That’s a sure fire way to find fault with most people eventually.

Newsflash - everyone is different.

Try not to impose what “I would do” onto others. The reality is, she sent you a thank you message and you’re not satisfied that it meets your standard of wording.

You may invest a lot of feeling and thought and energy around gifts and birthdays and the likes but not everyone does - and you’ve had confirmation from partner that she doesn’t.

Trying to understand other peoples languages is a massive part of self development.

I am not fussed on presents and all that jazz and I can’t really be arsed with remembering all the dates of everything but if you needed me in an emergency or needed practical advice - I’m your woman. That’s how I show my love and appreciation for people. I try to do the soppy effusive stuff too but I’m not great at it.
I’d hate for my family to think it makes me rude and ungrateful.

She acknowledged and thanked you for your present She conspicuously didn't thank them.

To be honest I wouldn't consider either flowers or chocolates to be a gift that required anything more than a brief thank you. But the OP didn't get even a brief thank-you. She got an acknowledgment that they'd arrived.

@Bluntness100 not trying to big any present up...to be honest I'd have said they same if it had been any other gift, large or small. That's not the point and if there are that many people out there thinking this is a decent response to receiving a gift then that's not great, in my opinion!

[quote hotwotsits]@Fastedbrownie that's really not the point, the effort and cost of any gift whatsoever deserves more than a 'cheers', sorry but it does![/quote]
You picked two extra things up at the grocery store. You didn't dive down to the titanic to bring her back the heart of the ocean. Her gratitude is directly proportional to your level of effort.

As much as i want to say yabu she responded with a thank you i agree with you op. I would also find it rude if a relative didnt acknowledge the gift and give a sincere thank you. Its not like it takes much a simple, thanks for the present they are lovely is better than got it cheers.

@partyatthepalace text message on birthday, card and flowers and chocolates via delivery. Not bad in covid restricted times

Just because you would have written the message differently doesn’t make hers wrong. Some people are just short casual texters, she still expressed thanks and gratitude just without over the top flowery language.

Well I feel shit now. DHs sisters have both had milestone birthdays recently and I sent some really nice flowers, fizz and chocolates. As we are in lockdown I really couldn’t think what else to do.

@MereDintofPandiculation

She acknowledged and thanked you for your present She conspicuously didn't thank them.

To be honest I wouldn't consider either flowers or chocolates to be a gift that required anything more than a brief thank you. But the OP didn't get even a brief thank-you. She got an acknowledgment that they'd arrived.

'Cheers' is literally an informal way of saying thank you.

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Well I feel shit now. DHs sisters have both had milestone birthdays recently and I sent some really nice flowers, fizz and chocolates. As we are in lockdown I really couldn’t think what else to do.

That's a perfectly fine present, what's not okay is expecting flags to fly at half mast in honour of you doing so.

@2020iscancelled thanks, that is an interesting response and I can totally see where you're coming from. I think I'd definitely be the kind of person that would project my feelings and responses and expect the same of others so I can see that that may be the problem here.

@Fastedbrownie yes, that's what I wanted

Whatever happened to good manners and a little gratitude?
I think I must live in an alternative universe from most people, one where respect and courtesy still exist and a response of thanks to any gift would go without saying.
Sad times!

I think you sound hard work OP. You sent her a generic gift and she sent you a somewhat offhand reply. I'd definitely agree with you if you'd sent her something really personal and special but there's nothing to say apart from thanks (and cheers is a way of saying thanks) for something like flowers.

Personally I'd much rather not get a gift than have to worry about sending just the right thank you (you can hardly be that effusive about a bunch of flowers).

In future I'd send a gift only if you actually want to make the person happy, not to get an overblown thank you in reply.

Not everyone expresses themselves in the exact way you'd prefer. Have the grace to accept it politely without nagging and micromanaging.

YANBU. Manners cost nothing.

Your mistake is expecting her to react the way you react OP...she is not you...so lower your expectations and stop taking it all so personally

@InTheDrunkTank I love giving gifts and actually spent a bit of time choosing here so that's probably why I was disappointed with the response. I'm not gutted about this it just struck me as rude. I don't need gushing replies just maybe more than a single word, it's interesting that so many people think that's a polite response to any gift...regardless of what it is.

Rude to wait a week to actually acknowledge receipt. I’m like you in that I would have have put something along the lines of thanks for my pressie. The flowers are really lovely and I’m enjoying my chocolates xx. Seems like we’re in the minority.

I'd let your husband pick next time.

Why make any effort for someone who can't even give a polite thank you.

I can imagine if I'd said "my present arrived, cheers" to someone who'd given me a gift as a child. My parents would have told me not to be ungrateful and to say thank you properly.

I would write more, but life is pretty mad at the moment OP. A cheers is fine.

[quote hotwotsits]@partyatthepalace text message on birthday, card and flowers and chocolates via delivery. Not bad in covid restricted times[/quote]
As I said not great manners from her.

But Covid has no impact on your/your husband’s ability to pick up the phone and send a handwritten card. I cannot imagine not both sending a card and phoning on immediate family b’days. Your SIL may not care about this at all of course. I’m saying it to point out that people have different ideas about good manners.

I'm clearly strange because I think flowers and chocolates are a lovely gift. Bouquets and special chocolate boxes are expensive where I am so maybe it's seen as different here?

Either way, I agree with you @hotwotsits that a more heartfelt response would have been appropriate. But I am not entitled and I think anything anyone gives me is a bonus as they did not have to, so for thinking of me, I am always grateful.