In-laws have declined the vaccine... AIBU?

[HotGlueGun]

So my in-laws (early 70s) have declined to have the vaccine. They are in our childcare bubble and so we see them regularly. They also ask us to do their shopping. WIBU to a) stop doing their shopping for them and b) reduce/ stop their contact with the kids? I'm really cross about but appreciate that they have free will and it's their choice. But resent having to do shopping for them... it's like they are happy for us to be at risk and aren't prepared to take reasonable steps to reduce their vulnerability and eliminate the risk for themselves/ the wider community.

@titchy

Did they vaccinate you for the usual childhood diseases out of interest?

It's her inlaws, not her parents.

Jesus Christ, grow up. Last I checked we had bodily autonomy ...and it clearly says in the literature for the vaccine that it doesn’t prevent people from spreading anything, so I think you need to re-evaluate your need to force your views on others for their perfectly reasonable choices over their own bodies, choices which will have no impact on you whatsoever except your misguided moral outrage.

I think we're going to see HUGE spikes of the virus from people who've been vaccinated because they will then be going out as they wish - picking it up and passing it on.

The vaccine doesn't prevent anybody from passing on the virus.

Stop doing their shopping. They refuse to have the vaccine but still don’t want to do their own shopping. You’ll be doing it for them for a long time to come. If they refuse to help themselves, why should you help them. Or your DH can do their shopping.

I'm confused now. I thought childcare was to enable people to go out to work. So many people are just doing what the hell they want so the rest of us are going to be stuck in lockdown for ages.

@titchy I didn't know them when I was a child, so no they didn't vaccinate me. They did vaccinate their own children, however.

To those saying who have they had this advice from.... my MIL used to work for a big pharma company and so it's from people within the industry.

@Iloveacurry

Stop doing their shopping. They refuse to have the vaccine but still don’t want to do their own shopping. You’ll be doing it for them for a long time to come. If they refuse to help themselves, why should you help them. Or your DH can do their shopping.

Exactly. Well said.

This isnt about "respecting their wishes"- it makes no difference what the OP thinks about their decision as they'll do what they want anyway.

The OP is not obliged to do their shopping for them and they need to "respect her wishes" too.

If they aren’t safe they shouldn’t be looking after your children
Stop that immediately

Dropping shopping outside their front door does not increase their risk

All those people who are saying the vaccine doesn’t stop transmission, that’s actually an unknown not a fact. It is likely, from evidence from other vaccines, that it will reduce transmission risk significantly, but the studies haven’t been done yet.

I would suggest that the gp don’t see the kids once school/nursery goes back. And work on some education in the meantime.

[quote HotGlueGun]@MyDcAreMarvel show me the legislation and how it's being abused. You won't be able to [/quote]
Wow.

@HotGlueGun you know full well why the childcare bubble was established. The reason it doesn’t specify pay work is not to criminalise parents who for example need childcare in an emergency situation such as attending A and E.
you are using the bubble as an excuse to let your children mix with your parents.
Yourself, your dp and parents are selfish with no regard for the health or lives of others.

Aren’t you just doing your shopping at the same time as theirs? Presuming they aren’t insisting on you going to different shops and they’re happy to just add to yours I would continue. As for the children, if they’re not going out they won’t be putting your children at increased risk?

Have you asked them what their long term plan is?

[quote HotGlueGun]@MyDcAreMarvel show me the legislation and how it's being abused. You won't be able to [/quote]
If everyone did what you're doing all grandparents would be mixing with their grandchildren, therefore making lockdown absolutely pointless.

You are doing what you choose to do. Own it.

i would get to grips with where they are hearing this from - not accessorily or confrontationally but in a concerned way.
Misinformation is rife if its the Pfizer vaccine they are likely to be able to get the Oxford version-which from what I gather is more likely to be available from the large centres - you might be able to persuade them.
What I can tell you is how careful they are - our local vax place cancelled appointments when the storage date was checked because it was only X days not Y days so they had fewer days to usage. there are checks on route at each stage
But I bet they are stubborn & won't listen & regret this as you bullying them -
I would love to get some of these misinformation idiots who spread this to clean the sewers or worse -they do so much damage. Has anyone noticed that the male denier who threatened the doctor came from Maidstone & the man who sent the fake bomb to the vaccine factory came from Chatham - quite near to each other - I wondered if there was a connection (I am quite sure the police will be checking) indirectly or influenced by or social media link
The irony of Kent being one of the worst affected recently

@HotGlueGun

So the childcare is as hoc and we could manage without it... they want to do it, rather than we need them to do it, especially now the schools are closed.

Their reasons are that someone once told them that if they can avoid having a vaccine, then they should. Also concerns about how the vaccines are stored and whether they will be injected with something not stored properly.

They do not have internet access/ a television... so hear snippets of info and make them their own.

To be fair, if you could manage without the childcare, you should. Plenty of people 'want' to see their family right now, but it's not a case of that. Don't use the bubble system to your advantage unless you really need it.

Is your DH their next of kin? If so, it’s a good time to ask where their wills, funeral plans and other important documents are kept. They need to be aware that if they become extremely ill they might not be a priority for life support etc

I would stop using them for childcare but continue to do their shopping. To keep them and myself safe shopping should be left on the doorstep with no social interaction.

You don’t need a childcare bubble so therefore shouldn’t be using them for ad hoc childcare.

Stop doing their shopping. If they’re that vulnerable they’d have taken the vaccine.

It’s their choice to reject it and your choice re shopping but for the childcare bubble you’re both BU.

I’m slightly younger than them and expect my vaccination soon (Group 5). I find this absolutely incomprehensible, I’ll be racing in with my sleeve rolled up when I get the summons.

I’ve done our shopping throughout, there’s nobody to do ours and I wouldn’t want them to; my supermarket trips have saved my sanity and provided a glimpse of normality.

Stop doing their shopping, OP. If they won’t help themselves, why would you encourage them? I have no sympathy with them whatsoever and they’re making a total mockery of the sacrifices your generation have made to protect us.

I would stop doing their shopping (not as punishment though)

Having the vaccine or not is a decision that they should make themselves (you can offer to provide information but shouldn't force them threatening to refuse access to your children)

They will not be a health risk to anyone but themselves if they don't take the vaccine (as it's not yet proved to prevent transmission)

Your Husband is a selfish bullying Prick...

stop shopping for them and let Him do their shopping now...

you don't need the childcare as you have already said many times in the thread .... so stop giving them the kids .. which is clearly just company for them...

create a bubble with your OWN parents ...

Stop all this bollocks TODAY OP 🌺

Do they understand that their grandchildren won’t be getting offered the vaccine? As it’s not licensed for use in children yet?

The whole childcare bubble thing is low risk for your PILs at the minute, assuming your DC aren’t in school, but once school resumes as usual, then there’s going to be an ongoing risk that your DC will catch COVID in school and infect your unvaccinated PILs.

That’s the main thing that would worry me TBH. That’s the reason my DC haven’t seen their grandparents in months. Because DH and I are worried about inadvertently infecting our parents / PILs.

I'm sorry OP but you're being deliberately difficult around the childcare issue. The function of the childcare bubble legislation is to allow parents who cannot work from home to continue to go to work. It is not, as others have said, to benefit grandparents who want to see their grandkids or to allow parents to get "odd jobs" done. I do agree that you come across as hypocritical as presumably you're not happy with them not having the vaccine as that increases risk of catching covid and spreading it... And yet that's exactly what your selective interpretation of the legislation does. I'm sure you're able to see that common sense alone tells you that using the legislation is at best not in the spirit of the legislation and more realistically just abusing it.

I’d probably still keep doing their shopping unless it was a major inconvenience though.

Not read all PPs. Tell them to get internet so they can do on-line food shopping as well as seeing News. They need this to be informed and be independent as they get older. It's a huge burden to have to buy all someone else's groceries indefinitely. If they saw the repeated new shots on SKY News (etc) of all the Covid patients dying in hospitals ; the terrible danger the exhausted nurses and doctors are in caring for these people they might change their minds. UANBU. I don't understand how they are even continuing to get away with not having vaccination. I know one person in their age group who was phoned 4 times about appointments and also had letter about appointment details for the jab. They were even offered to have it done at home. PIL must be refusing offer after offer for the vaccination.