In-laws have declined the vaccine... AIBU?

[HotGlueGun]

So my in-laws (early 70s) have declined to have the vaccine. They are in our childcare bubble and so we see them regularly. They also ask us to do their shopping. WIBU to a) stop doing their shopping for them and b) reduce/ stop their contact with the kids? I'm really cross about but appreciate that they have free will and it's their choice. But resent having to do shopping for them... it's like they are happy for us to be at risk and aren't prepared to take reasonable steps to reduce their vulnerability and eliminate the risk for themselves/ the wider community.

You are correct that the legislation doesn’t specify a purpose for the childcare. There’s a difference between what is legal and what is sensible and safe though, isn’t there?

As soon as you or dh go outside the home to work again, or the kids go back to school, then it won’t be safe for your kids to go to their grandparents for visits. Ask your dh how he’d feel if his kids gave Covid to his parents?

The shopping one is easy - tell your dh it is his turn. And you’re not taking over some other job in the house for him while he does it!

The only people they are allegedly endangering is themselves

There’s no allegedly about it. And if they get it and are severely ill, who’ll be picking up the pieces? It won’t be them.

This thread just shows that the majority of people don't understand what this vaccine does.

[quote sapnupuas]@Forrasee

Well said.

Stop abusing the childcare bubble system, OP. My parents live around the corner. My parents are desperate to see their grandchild. I'm desperate for a fucking break. And yet we understand that we can't form a bubble for no good reason.

You're being selfish. [/quote]

but its OPs Husband who has demanded his Parents still see the kids not OP... her parents haven't seen the kids since March ....

this is a Husband issue not a childcare issue.. OP states clearly there is no need for childcare... but her Husband insists his parents still see the kids... its ridiculous what he has been doing 🌺

If you decide to continue shopping then leave it on the doorstep as a delivery from Sainsbury/Tesco/Morrisons would do.

Definitely no childcare I think.

You do know that even if they have the jab it doesn’t protect you or your family from catching it from them. It only protects them getting serious symptoms if they do get it. They can still catch it even with the vaccine. They are helping you out with childcare snd putting themselves at risk helping you so you should help them out with their shopping

I'd talk to dh about the unfairness compared to your dp.

Are they not planning to go to restaurants etc ever again? Because the second they do, then they'll be putting you at risk. as well as themselves .

What does your DH think of their decision?

YABNU - I'd stop doing the shopping especially if you are more vulnerable, presumbly it takes longer to do the shopping if you are getting their items as well as your own even if its only one trip. And the longer you are out the more risk you are at. If they aren't going to get the vaccine offered then either they aren't worried about catching covid or they are relying on everyone else to be vaccinated.

If they are going to do their own shopping then you will also have to reduce contact with kids because they'll be more likely to catch covid and could pass it to kids who could pass it to you.

Of course we understand what the vaccine does. It protects the grandparents from become seriously ill if they catch covid from the OPs kids!

Thinking about it, the risk from supermarket shopping is a lot lower than the risk from household contact. If they’re worried about shops, they should really stop see the kids.

@HotGlueGun

I was more than happy to do their shopping, given that they are more vulnerable (although, incidentally I am asthmatic so I'm slightly more vulnerable also). But now they have the choice to reduce their vulnerability to the virus considerably, they are choosing not to. That's absolutely their choice.... but it's my choice in terms of how I respond to that fact. Whilst they provide childcare, it's more for their benefit than ours... they want to see the kids and we oblige them and use that time to get jobs done etc. But could manage with out it, like we did in first lockdown. They think they are invincible.

Are you worried about catching off them because if they are more or less under house arrest they shouldn't catch it. Personally it seems you've already made your mind up that you won't do the shopping for them as you're making excuses for not doing it.

Just do what you feel is right.

As I said upthread, print out some accurate information from the government website for them.

Approach this from improving their understanding of the vaccine, it’s safety and the consequences for their lives if not being vaccinated.

Approach it from this angle first at least....not from the angle of you and your family and choices you might make as a consequence.

Op, please tell us what their context is. Why don’t they have internet or TV access? Are they part of a community or group who restrict this or who are anti-vax?

[quote HotGlueGun]@titchy I didn't know them when I was a child, so no they didn't vaccinate me. They did vaccinate their own children, however.

To those saying who have they had this advice from.... my MIL used to work for a big pharma company and so it's from people within the industry. [/quote]
Their body their choice.

If she vacc’d her own kids and worked in pharma she’s not anti-vaxx or uninformed.

You just have to respect their decision.

Wrt shopping - you (or pref your DH) could set up an online account for them and do their shopping from your home. Don’t you do your own online?

So your parents haven't seen your DC since March because your DH insisted his parents are prioritised and put into a childcare bubble which may or may not be needed? Meanwhile you do their shopping etc.

Break the bubble, maybe form one with your parents if you need childcare and tell DH he can do their shopping.

They don't have to have the vaccination, the internet or TV. If they believe random bullshit presumably they don't read papers either?

However you don't have to live with the consequences of their stupidity or do chores like shopping which they can perfectly well do themselves if they hadn't opted out of online options.

@BlueThistles this is true and I missed that, but OPs attitude when questioned on the issue isn't helping.

I'm finding myself farting really riled up at people who are bending the rules to suit themselves but that's my issue and not OPs.

@WombatChocolate

MIL apparently worked in pharma so that is all rather patronising and basic.

So your parents haven't seen your DC since March because your DH insisted his parents are prioritised and put into a childcare bubble which may or may not be needed? Meanwhile you do their shopping etc.

Break the bubble, maybe form one with your parents if you need childcare and tell DH he can do their shopping.

Agree with this. There’s no obligation to be in a childcare bubble with people you don’t need childcare from.

But that’s a separate issue from the vacc.

They're going to have to make a choice at some point. The world is going to start opening up around them in the next 12 months and they're going to have to decide whether they want to stay locked away or go out into the community and risk catching coronavirus. It's not going away, the vaccine will not eradicate it without mass take up and over a long period of time. If they want to carry on isolating they can do their own shopping and stop expecting you to run round after them.

Their choice.
The vaccine wouldn't reduce their risk of catching covid. You not doing their shopping increases their risk. So why would you stop?

So for those saying - ''their body - their choice'' - NO - if they end up in hospital stupid!!

They could end up in the hospital for hundreds of reasons. Especially at their age.

In the near future when the majority of us have had the vaccination will it mean that we still have to wear masks and socially distance and not be allowed to go in pubs/restaurants etc. because we can still pass it on to people like OP's PILs who have chosen not to have the vaccine and Covid will still be able to make them very ill or kill them ?
If so what is the point beyond saving lives and the NHS when we'll still all be living like this ? Yes I think your PILs are being very selfish and slightly ridiculous OP.

@tara66

So for those saying - ''their body - their choice'' - NO - if they end up in hospital stupid!!

No, even if they end up on hospital it’s still their choice.

If you've been using them for childcare before they've had the vaccine, then what difference does it make?

You're just being awkward

If it was me, as soon as someone declines the vaccine and it isn’t due to medical reasons that are no fault of their own...

Nope. That’s it. No more shopping, no more running after people. You safe guarded until they were offered the vaccine and if they decline it then you shouldn’t continue to safe guard and let them crack on. Harsh but true.