In-laws have declined the vaccine... AIBU?

[HotGlueGun]

So my in-laws (early 70s) have declined to have the vaccine. They are in our childcare bubble and so we see them regularly. They also ask us to do their shopping. WIBU to a) stop doing their shopping for them and b) reduce/ stop their contact with the kids? I'm really cross about but appreciate that they have free will and it's their choice. But resent having to do shopping for them... it's like they are happy for us to be at risk and aren't prepared to take reasonable steps to reduce their vulnerability and eliminate the risk for themselves/ the wider community.

They're not doing this to you, OP, they're making a decision for themselves, however misguided it is.

Why would you post a thread about them when you've done the judge and jury thing? You want to punish them by not shopping for them?
You could do it safely but, don't shop for them. As they're PILs their son/daughter can do it - and keep you far, far away.

This judgemental, controlling behaviour is an even worse contagion and there's no hope of eradicating it. Ugh.

I was more than happy to do their shopping, given that they are more vulnerable (although, incidentally I am asthmatic so I'm slightly more vulnerable also). But now they have the choice to reduce their vulnerability to the virus considerably, they are choosing not to. That's absolutely their choice.... but it's my choice in terms of how I respond to that fact. Whilst they provide childcare, it's more for their benefit than ours... they want to see the kids and we oblige them and use that time to get jobs done etc. But could manage with out it, like we did in first lockdown. They think they are invincible.

I think you should stop using them for childcare, and let them do their own shopping. I’d also be telling them to make sure they don’t use the nhs if they need it when they get Covid!

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I posted on AIBU as I'm aware that I might be being unreasonable. I'm trying to figure out what is a reasonable response to their choice. Sounds le stopping doing their shopping might be reasonable but limiting contact with the kids would be unreasonable. I posted here because I want opinions. If it's controlling to want someone to have the vaccine to protect themselves, their family and the wider community then fuck me.

OP why aren't they doing their own shopping? So many people taking advantage, I have to ask.

Everyone is entitled to make their choices and I think, should respect the choices of others. But that goes both ways. I cannot see why they expect anyone to shop for them. Did they ask or did you offer?

YABU. How would you feel if they cut you off for various things because they disagreed with a parenting or individual choice you have made? We don’t live in a dictatorship and no matter how much I personally think they are being foolish, it is up to them.

Also millions of grandparents have gone without seeing their grandchildren for the last year and it was selfish of you to use them when you didn’t need to.

I'm not sure about the mixing with your children thing. That does seem a bit harsh.

But presumably you have to do shopping for your own family whether it’s by going to the supermarket or online? So can’t you just combine theirs with yours, so no additional risk?
Sounds like you have already decided you want to ‘punish’ them because they don’t agree with you.

@BlueTimes my own parents haven't seen my kids since March so hardly think I'm being selfish. They live round the corner and my husband, who is less risk averse than me, was insistent that the kids continued to see their grandparents.

It’s up to them. Get your DH to do their shopping.

I'd be more inclined to carry on doing their shopping but stop the childcare.

If they don't want the vaccine fine, but it will have been stored appropriately and their actions have consequences.

One consequence would be they are at risk from your children and a risk to your children as lockdown is eased.

1. YANBU to stop doing their shopping. They can get online delivery. But also, you're right, they're putting themselves at risk knowingly now. So they need to take responsibility.

2. you shouldn't be using them as childcare. The childcare bubbles are for NECESSARY childcare, not just so the grandparents get to see the kids. That's increasing all of your risks of getting it and potentially dying from it.

So you are putting them at risk by increasing the number of people they have contact with but are annoyed at them for putting you at risk
YABU
Also this is NOT within the rules. A childcare bubble is for if you NEED childcare. Not if it is nice to have a bit of a break

Did they used to do their own shopping before COVID?

They're elderly. Let their child sort out their shopping then. That seems to be your main bugbear, the child-care seems to be an added punishment to hit them with.

My mum (elderly) is dithering about the vaccine and I've listened to her concerns, given her my views - and she will decide for herself. Not in a million years would I withdraw 'services'. I

You don't want to do their shopping now? That's fine - you need to tell them and leave the shopping to their child to decide/sort out.

This is the link to the government site re: childcare bubbles. Show me where it says it's for NECESSARY childcare please. www.gov.uk/guidance/making-a-childcare-bubble-with-another-household

So they are basing their decision on no reliable information.
Can you print out some information on it for them and allow them to make an informed decision?
It sounds like they really don’t know what it is and how it works.
Also risks of death from covid risk of death from vaccine is a v easy number to grasp. Good luck, this would drive me loopy.

[quote HotGlueGun]@Greenmarmalade I don't think it's hypocritical at all. Can you show me the gouvernement guidance that says this is not what childcare bubbles are for please? [/quote]
Why don’t you read it for yourself? Although the guidance generally isn’t written in the negative (what it is not for) it will be written for what they are for. Which is to provide childcare so you can go to work. You have mentioned you don’t need childcare, hence you don’t need a childcare bubble. HTH.

To your question, well I would be irritated at their refusal to take the vaccine. However I think stopping their shopping because of it doesn’t make any sense other than being petty.

I wouldn't continue doing their shopping on that basis. If they are concerned about the Covid risk when out shopping, they ought have the jab. If they aren't concerned about the Covid risk, they can do their own shopping. They can't have it both ways. Otherwise, at what point will they ever resume doing their own shopping...

Well you obviously don't like them so get your dh to carry on with the shopping. If this was your own parents would you treat them the same?

That's not what childcare bubble is for. Childcare bubble is when childcare is offered regularly to allow parents to work. You are just using it for convenient babysitting. If everyone with kids did the sane, we'd be back to where we were at Xmas time.

As for them not getting the vaccin their choice indeed and you could opt for not sending the kids, but considering you were happy to do so I til now, it's comes across as a punishment.
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At the moment they are very secure, no risk from going to the shops, no risk from the kids being off school.

If you decide not to do their shopping - which is reasonable - then their risk increases and they will have to process that fact, because ultimately they can not stay home forever.

I think you would be doing them a favor by not doing the shopping. They’d then have to weigh up the risk of doing it themselves.

I would also use this argument with the kids when they are back at school. High risk.

It’s a bit like training teens to take responsibility for themselves. A bit at a time.

You said they think they're invincible.
Call that bluff - if you're invincible, why am I doing your shopping, invincible people do their own! See the response, take it from there.

Childcare bubbles are only if there is no other option, not because you fancy a break from your kids ffs.

I know alot of people who are unsure and worried about the vaccine. Maybe try and educate them if they have no tv/Internet access like someone posted it won't stop them getting it or transmitting it. If the shoppings too much try and set up on line shopping for them and drop little buts off here and there. Don't withdraw help just because you do not agree with their decision.