to be offended by this joke?

[Fruityherbaltea]

My baby is 6 months old. I visited family recently and a family member fed him a bottle in my presence.

My baby was moving a lot so the family member said: "You have to hold still, otherwise I will stick in the bottle the wrong end" while grinning.

I was quite offended by this joke and thought it was inappropriate. Am I justified being offended or am I being precious?

Actually, a decent parent would do their utmost to hide any porn they had in the house from their child. They would be mortified if they and their child entered a room and they realised it was visible, and would rush to conceal it and distract their child to prevent them from seeing it. It's fairly sinister to just leave it lain around knowing full well that their child is going to be exposed to that.

And if you don't think that's sinister, then I really think you'd better get yourself some safeguarding training pretty damn quick if you are around children, either your own or others.

I’d have found the ‘joke’ offensive even without the backstory, it’s really gross. Though I’m aware that I’m triggered by stuff that wouldn’t bother other people, as a result of being an SA survivor, along with my DSis. The perpetrator was our F; this type of thread makes me grateful that he’s dead.

The backstory does indeed make the comment sound creepy and you need to decide whether you really want to allow him to be involved in your baby’s life. Surely you could meet up with your mum separately from him?

I realise that this is a difficult decision in view of your relationship with your mum. Have you ever spoken to her about him letting you see the porn? If you haven’t then she may not know about it (my DM didn’t know what our F was doing with us when she wasn’t around.

@clpsmum

No I think he meant child bum but it was on off the cuff remark/joke not a threat.

Really? You really think an 'off the cuff remark/joke' about this is acceptable

Jesus did weep.

Not at all funny I think it's a weird joke to make

[quote Fruityherbaltea]@TidyDancer

Yes, there is a backstory. This person is my father.

When I and my three siblings were growing up, he was quite addicted to pornography. I think the Internet wasn't around yet or was still in its infancy, so it was mostly magazines with graphic pornography. My father very often looked after us on a Saturday, so that my mother could clean our flat.

We had a big cellar and my father had a room in the cellar where he kept all of the magazines. They were mostly stored in boxes, but some of them were laid out in the open and my father made no effort to hide them from us and sort of exposed us to it. There was no physical abuse though.

My parents divorced when I was 10 and my father left us.

I still haven't resolved my complicated feelings around my childhood and my father.

Maybe that's why I'm so sensitive when he says stuff like this. If it had been my sister, I probably would have moved on without batting an eyelash.[/quote]
With a bit of context given this is a really inappropriate and odd comment to make. Given his behaviour in your childhood I certainly wouldn’t be letting him be alone with my child. He sounds creepy.

Blimey, definitely just a crap joke!
How is it offensive?!
Took it as baby was wiggling around so much would end up missing mouth

Oh OK, just seen the drip feed.
Why not just say that in the first place for v context?!

@smoothchange yes I do we are not all snowflakes

Massive drip feed there OP.

yes I do we are not all snowflakes

If being a snowflake means not finding jokes about inserting a bottle into the bottom of a baby funny then I will wear that badge with absolute pride. Thank you.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

The OP pressed 'post' too quickly, I think. She said sorry about that. The 'drip feed' must have started almost immediately after the first post, as it wasn't short.

Even so, I've done something similar in the past when posting something about my family history. It can be hard to write things that are triggering to think about.

The 'drip feed' accusation is used too often IMO and often by people who are merely hacked off that there's no longer a reason to berate the OP (their favourite pastime).

Jesus. I fucking hate dripfeeds. Yabu. If you honestly thought your father was a danger to your child you wouldn’t have let him meet the baby.

@lioncitygirl

Jesus. I fucking hate dripfeeds. Yabu. If you honestly thought your father was a danger to your child you wouldn’t have let him meet the baby.

1. The father does not have to 'be a danger' for this comment to be inappropriate.

1. All too often people realise far too late that their childhood was not what they thought.

1. Sadly many people who have grown up with 'bad' parents still have contact with said parents.

Thanks for everyone's reply.

Just to clarify my intention wasn't to dripfeed. I just thought I should give more context so that people have a better understanding why I thought the comment was offensive.

To the posters saying that I don't seem to like my father much; this is definitely not the case. Otherwise I wouldn't still be speaking to him.

I also want to clarify that the pornography "wasn't just lying around" and we accidently saw it. It also wasn't a one-off, it was frequent exposure to it. He made no effort in hiding it from us.

He's still like that, nowadays he sometimes posts inappropriate stuff on his Facebook. It got to the point where I deleted him as a Facebook friend, because I was just so ashamed.

@smoothchange grow up it was a stupid comment that I'm sure he gave no thought to. He hardly said I'm going to shove this bottle up the baby's bum did he. Must be exhausting getting offended at everything

[quote clpsmum]@smoothchange grow up it was a stupid comment that I'm sure he gave no thought to. He hardly said I'm going to shove this bottle up the baby's bum did he. Must be exhausting getting offended at everything[/quote]

I'm not offended. I just recognise the problem.

[quote clpsmum]@smoothchange grow up it was a stupid comment that I'm sure he gave no thought to. He hardly said I'm going to shove this bottle up the baby's bum did he. Must be exhausting getting offended at everything[/quote]
What else do you think he meant by the ‘wrong end’? @clpsmum

Even without the backstory I don't think you're being precious OP. What a revolting thing to think, let alone say. Just grim.

@ParadiseIsland

That poster knows. They just think what was said is acceptable as an off the cuff remark/joke not a threat.

Stunned. I tell you. Stunned. Not only that but they have actually come back to defend that viewpoint!

What inappropriate stuff does he post on FB OP?

I wouldnt find this funny and would tell them too.

Just read through your posts OP. Youre dad sounds like a creep and clearly struggles with boundaries. Make it clear that these jokes are not acceptable. If he cant keep himself in check, then meet your mum somewhere else.

@ParadiseIsland @smoothchange I'm not allowed to defend my opinion because it differs from yours? It wouldn't offend me because I'd know it was a joke. If somebody asks for opinions then they have to accept that it might differ from theirs. Again I've not read the full thread so if there is some awful back story that wasn't disclosed in the op then I apologise.

I'm not allowed to defend my opinion because it differs from yours?

I never said you were not allowed to defend your opinion. I did remark that you had come back to defend it, I didn't say you were not allowed. I was quite surprised anyone would though.

It wouldn't offend me because I'd know it was a joke.

You should probably consider who you surround yourself with if making jokes about putting bottomed into to wrong end of a baby is a standard for the jokes you hear.