to be offended by this joke?

[Fruityherbaltea]

My baby is 6 months old. I visited family recently and a family member fed him a bottle in my presence.

My baby was moving a lot so the family member said: "You have to hold still, otherwise I will stick in the bottle the wrong end" while grinning.

I was quite offended by this joke and thought it was inappropriate. Am I justified being offended or am I being precious?

The backstory gives context. On it's own, it would have been a '"What?" from me to you because I wouldn't allow someone feed my baby if I wasn't comfortable enough with them to smile at their joke (which didn't seem like a threat but like an accident could happen - perhaps go in the nose or something).

But as it's your dad with whom you have a bit of a history, I would think that's an inappropriate play on words and not something I'd like used around me and in the future, around the child (The baby can't hear it yet so no harm done).

The joke is absolutely fine, not funny but fine and the kind of silly stuff people say to kids and babies all the time.
According to some people on here when I said to daughter this morning ‘you’re so gorgeous I could eat you’ it was probably inappropriate and suggestive of cannibalism.

The back story is making you see a perfectly normal phrase as sinister as you know your father has some unsavoury habits.

Most people wouldn't like that joke. If a random person said it with no back story I would laugh politely, inwardly eye roll and not think about it again. If there's a back story where the person often makes nasty remarks or tries to undermine you you're naturally going to react more sensitively to things like this.

@BogForLife

Yuk, I hate language around men threatening to ‘stick things’ in orifices, and I hate people talking to babies in language that is sexual, threatening or swearing.

It just seems coarse, crass, vulgar and bleugh. And men throwing their weight around. Yes, maybe only linguistically, but it’s so unnecessary.

Who even thinks to say something like that to a 6 month old baby?

I agree with this.

Its a gross comment.

With the context, I would not trust him anywhere near a child. I once had creepy vibes off a family member with my child and he's now in jail for raping a little boy. Trust your instinct here.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

I totally agree with your Comment !

Some people Just have no sense of humour whatever !

@Fruityherbaltea
Having a sense of humour in life is a good thing Op.

You are lucky to have nice relatives in your life,
Not have the kind of relatives who are like some peoples toxic relatives on mumsnet,i often hear about. 😕 @Fruityherbaltea

@thosetalesofunexpected
Have you actually read all the OP’s updates? And you still think it’s funny? What is wrong with you?

@daisypond

I have put a Confused emoji symbol on Op Post !
For heavens sake.

(Learn what the different emogi symbols mean for heavens sake !

How is it not creepy to suggest putting a bottle in your baby grandchild’s bum?! Trust your instincts OP, mine would say he still gets off on saying or doing explicit things in front of his children.

I know what emoji symbols mean. How do you think a confused emoji makes any difference to your statement that you think the OP has a nice relative and that she has no sense of humour? What is there to be confused about?

Not funny and really gross!

It wasn’t a joke, just a passing comment.

You were hyper-sensitive to take offence. It wasn’t intended literally.

But reading your later post, Inexoect you are hypersensitive to much of what your Dad says because you hear and see everything in the context of stuff from the last.

If someone else had said this, perhaps you wouldn’t have even noticed it. Think about if that is the case. If not and you would be upset by anyone saying it, I think you will find parenting hard and spend your life offended by what people say every day which will be exhausting.

If you have an issue with your Dad and do t want to see him or need some therapy to manage your feelings about the past, consider these options. If you are hyper sensitive about everything and upset by things lots of people say all the time, I’m. It sure what advice to give apart from you need to address this. Otherwise your child will be brought up in a very odd atmosphere and before they start school will also become one of those people who are offended by everything and everyone...because that is what you will teach her.

@Jeremyironseverything

Without the backstory, inappropriate, but precious response. Perfectly understandable with the backstory.

This! With such a backstory it really should be included in the OP!

@Fruityherbaltea

Very sorry about my earlier Post Op,
I did not see your later Post
saying you suffered child sexual post ,being exposed to very Adult material as a child.

I can see why you feel sensitive in this way to your father crass remark.

I think calling it a "threat" is a bit extreme. It seems more like a vulgar and poor attempt at a joke. However, OP's update makes it clear why she's uncomfortable with her father and hyper-vigilant where he's concerned, so it's complicated. It's more about the context than the "joke" itself.

You can say what you want or joke how you like but it won’t prevent me from concluding I don’t like you.

World's biggest drip feed?

Just seen your update and changed my vote.

What an odd post....to give the initial info without the backstory.

2 different issues totally.

The comment as a stand-alone - something anyone might say as a light hearted, throwaway comment - really not an issue.

Your relationship and feelings about your Father.....something you need to get to grips with and decide if you are comfortable with him being with your and your DC or not. This is your choice and you will have to make it and insist on it, even if it causes ructions in the family.

Weird/inappropriate. How can anyone say your being precious. Such an odd thing to say. I would be alarmed

Such a weird thing to say. That his brain would even go there says a lot about his mindset.

Noting the aggressive / hostile posts from those who think it's fine to those who find it tasteless.

The use of 'Christ' etc.

If you would not be bothered about this, just give your opinion. Why do you need to attack posters who don't agree with you?

@lewes2

I think you've hit the nail on the head OP. You are inherently uncomfortable with your father & how he exposed you to stuff in your childhood (& I would be too) so therefore you're hypersensitive to anything he says. He probably meant nothing by the comment but I agree it still borders on uncomfortable, even without your background with him. Totally get it.

I disagree.

What sort if man even think about putting ‘a bottle at the wrong hand’ in a baby??

Even wo the back story, I would have found that disgusting.

What I am interested in what people who thinks it’s just joke think he was saying? Which ‘wrong hand’ was he thinking about do you think?

I can't believe you all feel this way. A man finds porno pictures of adult women sexually appealing - what a shocker! He must be a potential child molester - ummm... why? Oh yes, because he kept most of his porn in the cellar, in a separate room, packed away in boxes, but forgot to put a couple of magazines away and the kids happened to go nosing in there and saw them. You're all acting as if he wallpapered the children's bedroom with naked women.

He's obviously a bit of a rough-and-ready, crude type of person and he made a stupid, crude joke. What possible reason could you have for finding this a weird, creepy threat?

If a female relative was changing the baby's nappy and said, "If you don't stop wriggling, I'm going to end up putting your nappy on the wrong end!" would you start saying, "Ooh, ooh, she threatened to smother my baby!"

I think you just dislike him and don't want to spend time with him.

Sorry
‘The wrong hand’ should have been ‘the wrong end’....