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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be offended by this joke?

193 replies

Fruityherbaltea · 30/01/2021 10:42

My baby is 6 months old. I visited family recently and a family member fed him a bottle in my presence.

My baby was moving a lot so the family member said: "You have to hold still, otherwise I will stick in the bottle the wrong end" while grinning.

I was quite offended by this joke and thought it was inappropriate. Am I justified being offended or am I being precious?

OP posts:
BogForLife · 30/01/2021 11:10

Yuk, I hate language around men threatening to ‘stick things’ in orifices, and I hate people talking to babies in language that is sexual, threatening or swearing.

It just seems coarse, crass, vulgar and bleugh. And men throwing their weight around. Yes, maybe only linguistically, but it’s so unnecessary.

Who even thinks to say something like that to a 6 month old baby?

BogForLife · 30/01/2021 11:11

Pp who vote YABU: will you still feel the same if he says this to the child when she is 2? 3? 4?

georgarina · 30/01/2021 11:11

YABU sounds like a joke

MrsSimonBasset · 30/01/2021 11:12

The backstory would have been useful at the start. Seems like there are issues with your DF, so context is everything.

ChancesWhatChances · 30/01/2021 11:12

Yeah I’m massively uncomfortable with any joke like that aimed at children.

TidyDancer · 30/01/2021 11:14

Yeah the backstory does change things. I thought there would be something there. It does give it a more creepy tone.

Londonisburningg · 30/01/2021 11:14

Yanbu, having read your backstory

lovemelater · 30/01/2021 11:14

I don't get people saying you're being precious. It's a bloody weird thing to say IMO, why would you even think that?

Original poster
Fruityherbaltea · 30/01/2021 11:15

Sorry, I've just realized I should have given the backstory at the beginning to give a clearer picture of the situation. There's no way to edit my first post.

OP posts:
lewes2 · 30/01/2021 11:18

I think you've hit the nail on the head OP. You are inherently uncomfortable with your father & how he exposed you to stuff in your childhood (& I would be too) so therefore you're hypersensitive to anything he says. He probably meant nothing by the comment but I agree it still borders on uncomfortable, even without your background with him. Totally get it.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 30/01/2021 11:18

@MrsSimonBasset

The backstory would have been useful at the start. Seems like there are issues with your DF, so context is everything.
This!
Seatime · 30/01/2021 11:21

It's a weird thing to say. Was he suggesting putting the bottle in the baby's anus?
Keep your child well away from him. His exposing you to porn as a child was abusive. If people think that is precious, check with social services definitions of sexual abuse and the law. Exposing children to sexual content is defined as abuse. It is something paedilophiles do in their grooming process. I'm not suggesting that your Dad has a plan to groom your child, (but l wouldn't take the chance), but he has issues with sex, and boundaries, and children, as you have evidenced in your own childhood. Trust your gut and protect the child.

Atalune · 30/01/2021 11:22

Your father has terrible sexual boundaries and this triggered you.

Only you know how you wish to proceed.

On the face of it it’s a harmless comment. But the past exposure to sexual content that you suffered is a form of abuse. So I can see why it’s upset you.

My own father was the same. I never really trusted him. Would he harm my kids. Never. He wasn’t a paeodophile (sp?) but he did have some fucked up sexual boundaries.

Sorry that this has triggered you.

LApprentiSorcier · 30/01/2021 11:24

I think it's an awful comment, and I say that as someone who has never had a baby so I can't be accused of being precious.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/01/2021 11:26

Well even without the back story it's just a bit of a weird thing to say, isn't it? I have no relatives or friends who would ever say that when holding my child. I have to say I did immediately think "urgh, that person is thinking of a bottle inserted into an anus - way too much like a porn scenario", and then you told us your back story. So I was right to listen to my first thought.

MOST people, if they were lame and crap with their jokes, would say "if he doesn't stay still I'll end up putting the bottle in his ear", wouldn't they? And at that I would just laugh politely as it's just a bit lame. A fucking ANUS is the complete opposite end of the body, for frig's sake. Why did it even enter his head??????

MrsWindass · 30/01/2021 11:27

[quote Fruityherbaltea]@TidyDancer

Yes, there is a backstory. This person is my father.

When I and my three siblings were growing up, he was quite addicted to pornography. I think the Internet wasn't around yet or was still in its infancy, so it was mostly magazines with graphic pornography. My father very often looked after us on a Saturday, so that my mother could clean our flat.

We had a big cellar and my father had a room in the cellar where he kept all of the magazines. They were mostly stored in boxes, but some of them were laid out in the open and my father made no effort to hide them from us and sort of exposed us to it. There was no physical abuse though.

My parents divorced when I was 10 and my father left us.

I still haven't resolved my complicated feelings around my childhood and my father.

Maybe that's why I'm so sensitive when he says stuff like this. If it had been my sister, I probably would have moved on without batting an eyelash.[/quote]
Here we go - dripfeed.

Original poster
Fruityherbaltea · 30/01/2021 11:29

@Seatime

Yes, he was suggesting that. I would never leave my son alone with him or use him as a babysitter.

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/01/2021 11:29

I'm quite disgusted that 87% of people think yabu to find it inappropriate. Seems we've reached point of the pornification of society....

littlepattilou · 30/01/2021 11:29

@Fruityherbaltea Precious. It was quite funny IMO.

Viviennemary · 30/01/2021 11:30

It was a bit silly. Move on.

littlepattilou · 30/01/2021 11:30

@MrsWindass

Oh I see now. A dripfeed sigh... Confused

Therarestone · 30/01/2021 11:32

Precious.

LaceyBetty · 30/01/2021 11:33

Precious without the backstory, but not with it.

DenisetheMenace · 30/01/2021 11:33

Given your second post it wouldn’t be an issue for me because my children would not be seeing him.

HettieMills · 30/01/2021 11:36

Well obviously the dripfeed adds context to it so in that respect you're not unreasonable because it's an unpleasant and potentially abusive back story. But in isolation then yes you would be unreasonable and ott to be offended by it.