to be offended by this joke?

[Fruityherbaltea]

My baby is 6 months old. I visited family recently and a family member fed him a bottle in my presence.

My baby was moving a lot so the family member said: "You have to hold still, otherwise I will stick in the bottle the wrong end" while grinning.

I was quite offended by this joke and thought it was inappropriate. Am I justified being offended or am I being precious?

Jesus. Lighten up🙄

Not precious in the least

What a horrid thing to say

Doesn’t even need a back story

You need to toughen up OP.

The question is, @Fruityherbaltea, what are you going to do about it? Did you challenge the comment? As for the porn issue, perhaps that needs addressing as well.

I voted YABU based on your first post but having read your update YANBU. The vast majority of people are going to vote based on that first post and therefore a lot of the replies are going to be irrelevant.

YABU to allow him any contact with your child, though, regardless of whether you are there to supervise.

That’s an awful thing to say. Threatening to stick something in a baby’s anus is not funny.

@JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson

Thanks for your reply.

I can't forbid him contact with my child, as my father lives with my mother again. A bit complicated to explain, but yes, they moved together again three years ago after being apart for a long time. They're not a couple though.

So when I visit my mother, my father is also going to be there.

I thought it was weird without the back story, surprised so many think that’s ok to say! Makes me wonder what jokes they make about their own kids

Ah, I originally thought you were being a bit precious, but I think the backstory is very significant. I’d be concerned too.

Find something more important to get offended about.

@Singlenotsingle

Find something more important to get offended about.

Have you read all the OP’s updates?

I find that kind of talk, especially to babies, stupid, tasteless and sexually coarse anyway, even without the backstory.

So context isn’t all.

A man threatening to stick a bottle in a baby’s anus is just crude.

It doesn’t mean I am ‘offended’ though. Just that I view this kind of behaviour as crude and unnecessary.

And if he said it to an older child or in hearing of an older child I would tell him to STFU.

@Atalune

Your father has terrible sexual boundaries and this triggered you.

Only you know how you wish to proceed.

On the face of it it’s a harmless comment. But the past exposure to sexual content that you suffered is a form of abuse. So I can see why it’s upset you.

My own father was the same. I never really trusted him. Would he harm my kids. Never. He wasn’t a paeodophile (sp?) but he did have some fucked up sexual boundaries.

Sorry that this has triggered you.

I hugely agree with this post (bar the personal experience)

A social worker would have a very dim view if she went round to visit and saw children had access to pornography.

Christ sake it's a joke .

Christ alive get a grip

Even without the backstory I think it's a weird thing to say. Not weird enough for me to mention it, but I'd certainly raise an eyebrow.

My late F had porn when I was growing up, I thought it was (still do, revolting) He said to me once when I was in my 50s that watching porn was just like watching a hockey match. I old him that if his sex life, (my DM had passed) was as exciting as a hockey match, I felt sorry for him. A joke is just that, you really should hear what my kids,GDs and I say to each other, we are not stupid, it's how we are.

@Flyingwiththecanons @axile234

You both need to RTFT.

You said there was no physical abuse when you grew up, just porn. But from your comments you seem to be implying your dad would harm your child in some way. Nothing you have said so far implies that’s a risk; unless you’re leaving more out you’re being very precious but also very offensive to your father. You’re making him out to be some sick pervert.

Either get a grip or don’t let him see the child. It’s not fair on your baby if it has to grow up with it’s mother implying it’s grandfathers a pervert but still letting him see them.

[quote Fruityherbaltea]@JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson

Thanks for your reply.

I can't forbid him contact with my child, as my father lives with my mother again. A bit complicated to explain, but yes, they moved together again three years ago after being apart for a long time. They're not a couple though.

So when I visit my mother, my father is also going to be there.[/quote]
Yes, you can. You are the parent and you have the ultimate say over who has contact with your child. I don’t know your circumstances and it is harder with no cafes etc open at the moment but you could, for example, pick up your mother and bring her to your house to spend time with the baby. Alternatively you could use the pandemic as an excuse not to see anyone while you talk to someone about the abuse you experienced.

Does your partner know about the background? How do they feel about the contact?

With a wriggly baby, I’ve heard said, and said myself things like, “you’ll end up with the bottle in your ear”, or “oops nearly put the milk in your eye there”.

I think what he said was altogether different and it’s distressing that porn has become so widespread and accepted that so many pps don’t even register how creepy that is.

He would never be alone with my child and I’m not sure I’d even let him hold the baby again.

Not precious at all. At absolute best it is gross and bad taste to talk about penetrating a baby with an object. FWIW I had a dentist when I was a child who used to joke about injecting me in the bum with novacaine. When I was a teenager was convicted for child sex abuse.

There is just no need to joke about penetrating children against their will. If you want to be funny there is a world of other things you can make jokes about.

@Bangable

V over sensitive. You need to learn some tolerance for the nonsense people sometimes spout 🙄

Nobody needs to learn to 'tolerate' other people's inappropriate behaviour. Fuck that shit.

Without the backstory, inappropriate, but precious response. Perfectly understandable with the backstory.

@3JsMa

Not precious. I think it is totally inappropriate and quite alarming IMO.

Really? I'd hate to be in your life. It must be like walking on eggshells all the time if you find such trivial things 'alarming'. What an exaggeration.