I was interested in this post as I have a little bit of personal experience of this. I myself started going down the slippery path. Luckily, because I have some wonderfully supportive and honest friends, I've got my drinking back to be an enjoyable glass or two when the mood takes me. I've been very lucky. But my ex boyfriend had a much more serious problem.
He's adorable, talented and incredibly intelligent. He's suffered childhood abuse which doesn't help him either. It's not aggression, more self harm and a threat to himself with suicidal battles. He's not even a nasty drunk most of the time. But when he gets on a vodka binge he changes personality as if a switch has gone off on his head. Obviously this doesn't help with the mental health issues either.
Unfortunately it was during one of these binges that he lashed out at me. As a result I ended up with a severely broken back. Again I've been incredibly lucky. It's a horrible, painful and debilitating injury, but I have a fantastic team and they assure me that in time ( a long time) my back can be rebuilt :-) It was an accident, if I thought for a minute he had done it on purpose I wouldn't be about to tell you this. It would be a very different tale.
It took several months for him to have the courage to face me. He hadn't had any contact with me since the incident. But we bumped into each-other and as it's a very small village, so we agreed to talk.
I've forgiven him for the incident, which is easier given that I should eventually make a full recovery. But! And it's a very big but, I won't ever put up with even a hint of him binging on vodka in my presence or house.
He now has his own place and he can do what he likes there. He is open about it now which is a big improvement. He can also see how destructive it is. He's genuinely horrified at his momentary violence towards me, and believe you me I don't dance around the subject. He's not quite there, and maybe never will be. But I believe he deserves a chance.
I've been in a very close relationship with him for 9 years, so I know him as well as you ever know anybody. he'd be a massive loss to me as we get each-other so well. However, I don't need him. My life ticks along very pleasantly when he's at his own place. The pressure of not being in a formal living together situation has certainly improved my mental health.
He has had one major slip with me. Nothing violent just being a drunken pillock in public and mortifying me! But I was very clear that he had no more chances. I also pointed out that I've been a very loyal and understanding friend. Not many people would understand his mental health issues and tolerate the inevitable lies and subterfuges of his addiction. But I was drawing the line as I was sick of living like that.
I can't tell you how this is going to pan out in the long run. But I meant what I said and I never go back once I've made a carefully considered decision. He knows this and that it ist the end of us if he slipped like that again.
Like I say, I would miss him immensely, and I really hope it works. So far so good and no hidden vodka bottles in the last 6 months. He still binges at times, but away and out of sight of me. I add that I haven't banned him from alcohol, just no Vodka or under the influence of it in my home.
As to your friend I'm sure she meant well, but perhaps if she'd asked first it might have helped. I would have felt a bit miffed myself. Not least because I'd find it a bit of an insult to my intelligence. I've been in a similar situation in the past and my friend didn't like the cut of his gib!
But we were such close friends she talked through her doubts about him. I hadn't spotted a few things, but when she pointed them out I did take a step back and paid more attention. I saw what she meant, but I wasn't sure. I then gave her permission to have a dig around. Nothing illegal, just checking out his FB page, which I wouldn't have dreamt of doing. Sounds very niave, but I was new to social media back then.
Blimey, what a can of worms she uncovered! I challenged him and he tried to lie his way out of it, but I had a lucky escape there thanks to my friend. Phew :-)
I hope this helps in some way. I would always give my friends a hearing. But in the end do trust your own instincts, proceeding with caution. Addiction is a horrible disease but it's not an excuse for bad behaviour. People do makefull recovery, but it's so easy to slip. I know! But thankfully I'm a very determined lady and my life is so much more enjoyable without the fog of alcohol. But I still love a nice glass of white when I've done all my chores and can be bothered to haul ass to the shop. Not an easy decision these days with my back still being so painful. :-)
My sincere good wishes for you and your friends. x