Family fall out over a coffee table!

[PoppyBean]

I purchased a solid oak coffee table from my SIL about 4 years ago. She said she was getting rid, I said I loved it and asked how much she wanted for it, she wanted £30 so I paid and took my table.

I've just moved house and now have a toddler, my new lounge is an L shape and the coffee table doesn't really work anywhere in the room so I decided to sell it. I didn't really want to sell it as I still love it but it just doesn't fit. I done some research to see what's it's worth and what similar items are selling for and I sold it for £150.

SIL is fuming, says I've taken advantage and asked if i intend to share the profit. I said I paid the price you wanted you could of sold it yourself. I hadn't bought it to sell for profit and I'd be keeping it if it fit in my room but it doesn't.

Now my brother has text saying I've really upset her and she's shocked and disappointed at my greed.

SIL gifted me some baby items when my child was born. As they were gifted I asked what she wanted to do with them when I'd finished with them, she asked for some things back and said she wasn't bothered about the rest. I gave them away.

I think there's a huge difference between something you've been given as a gift, even if second hand and something you paid for so I don't feel like I have done anything wrong here.

Who is being unreasonable? Should I share the profit?

Next time you can select an option on Facebook marketplace to make sure friends can't see your advert.

Message them both offering to split the profit on the table with them, and replace the lamp and ask for a token, heavily discounted, mates rates £50 a month for the hair and nails, lets call it an even five grand that they owe you, seeing as we're backdating all these exchanges of flavours

I disagree, this will just inflame the situation. OP said she wants to remain friendly for their kids to have play dates etc.
And it sounds like her brother has done favours in the past without expecting payment.
It sounds really petty to say ‘I did your hair and nails for 10 years and told you it was free as you’re family, but now I’ve changed my mind and want to invoice you for all those free beauty sessions and backdate the payments so my kids get more money’.

OP you had a decade to ask for payment or stop doing her hair/nails. You chose not too.

The table is a separate issue, like the lamp. All this could have been solved with a simple ‘that lamp you gave me isn’t working well, do you want it back?’ and ‘I don’t have room for that lovely coffee table I bought from you a few years ago, do you want it back or is it ok if I sell it on?’

The lamp was given and I’d have offered it back before chucking it.

But the table was sold to OP. Wouldn’t occur to me to offer it back.

I find it so odd that so many people think something sold to family years ago still entitles them to that item.

I’d shut everything down now. I’d do no favours and ask for none either and just keep relationship to play dates between the DC.

OP has been doing them favours and saving SIL hundreds of pounds a year

They’ve all been doing each other family favours by the sound of it.

SIL hasn’t saved ‘hundreds of pounds a year’ as she was doing her own nails before OP offered to do them (why else would she have a lamp?) and might have only gone to a hairdresser twice a year. If OP hadn’t offered to do her hair at no cost SIL may have cut it herself or gone for a low maintenance style?

I think asking to split the proceeds of a piece of furniture sold for 4x more than OP paid is far less cheeky than asking for back payments of 10 years of free favours.

@HikeForward

Message them both offering to split the profit on the table with them, and replace the lamp and ask for a token, heavily discounted, mates rates £50 a month for the hair and nails, lets call it an even five grand that they owe you, seeing as we're backdating all these exchanges of flavours

I disagree, this will just inflame the situation. OP said she wants to remain friendly for their kids to have play dates etc.
And it sounds like her brother has done favours in the past without expecting payment.
It sounds really petty to say ‘I did your hair and nails for 10 years and told you it was free as you’re family, but now I’ve changed my mind and want to invoice you for all those free beauty sessions and backdate the payments so my kids get more money’.

OP you had a decade to ask for payment or stop doing her hair/nails. You chose not too.

The table is a separate issue, like the lamp. All this could have been solved with a simple ‘that lamp you gave me isn’t working well, do you want it back?’ and ‘I don’t have room for that lovely coffee table I bought from you a few years ago, do you want it back or is it ok if I sell it on?’

The lamp was a GIFT. The recipient is allowed to do as they wish with a gift.

I’m making assumptions here too but I’m guessing the lamp was specifically for setting nails? (I’m not into this shit tbf OP) If so and it wasn’t working properly OP would’ve HAD to replace it for her business because a faulty lamp would’ve cost more in fucked up nails & refunds. And who keeps a faulty item just in case an in law may want it back?

The table was BOUGHT. A basic sales contract was entered where OP exchanged cash for said table. Once purchased the OP is allowed to as she wished with the table.

Even if OP bought if from a shop the shop wouldn’t have a claim to any profit made once sold on and just to hammer the point home after 4yrs the OP wouldn’t even have the right to return it to the shop for a refund!

Personally after all this I’d be telling SIL to consider going to a small claims court as I’m sure they’d laugh her out the building at such a cheeky and petty request.

However I agree that doing things for free and trading time here and there is a different issue. People trade time and skills all the time. But it certainly helps highlight the SIL is happy to TAKE more than she is willing to give and even when she does give (inc with a price tag) it has further strings attached down the line OP didn’t even know about.

I wouldn’t carry on with the hair and nails either. Their takers and 5heres a good reason your other relatives don’t like them either.

There's no telling people like that unfortunately, they are one of lives takers and never seem to even realise it. Your brother seems as bad.
You are right to leave things as they are, one day she will want you to do her hair (and nails) again and will likely come crawling back....

If you do give her half the profit it isn't £60, it's £45 as she already got £30 from you four years ago.

The relationship is broken. She and your DB broke it for good this time by bringing up the table. I don't think there's any coming back from this.

you are massively in the wrong. But if I was your sil I wouldn't say anything but my opinion of you would change forever. In fact if you had offered to split the money I would probably have told you not to. Cf behaviour for sure.

@solicitoring

you are massively in the wrong. But if I was your sil I wouldn't say anything but my opinion of you would change forever. In fact if you had offered to split the money I would probably have told you not to. Cf behaviour for sure.

Massively in the wrong for selling something she owns? How bizarre your opinion is.

You haven't done anything wrong at all.

You aren’t in the wrong here. She is greedy looking for freebies all the time but resents seeing you turning a profit.
It might smooth things over to send her half the profit ( not all), but defo no more hair and nail freebies.
She has given you the perfect out from providing family freebies ie you’ve had a baby and you need the money to save for their future

Also he says it has been a year since she got a freebie but it has been 4 years since she sold you the table. A sale is a binding contract she can’t ask for a share of profits.

I’m really shocked she never offered so much as a tenner for the beauty

Also your free beauty treatments don't even everything out as you haven't given her the opportunity to say "no don't be silly, keep it". If you don't want to do the beauty treatments - don't.

@solicitoring

you are massively in the wrong. But if I was your sil I wouldn't say anything but my opinion of you would change forever. In fact if you had offered to split the money I would probably have told you not to. Cf behaviour for sure.

Please share that glue you are sniffing. I need some to even stand a chance to comprehend why the OP could possibly be in the wrong.

"If you don't want to do the beauty treatments - don't."

I think we can safely assume that the OP won't be doing any more in the future.

You all sound petty, grabby and not very nice. I'm surprised you've lasted this long without already having this type of falling-out!

Regardless of nail lamps, baby stuff and who does whose hair, splitting the profit with her would be the fairest thing to do about the table.

Same here acatcalledjohn. I sold a house to a friend years ago for £43,000. She sold it for £135,000 some years later.

Does she owe me money?!

OP was the owner of the table. SIL wanted £30 for it thats what she got.

Imagine selling something on eBay to a stranger for a 'buy it now' price because you want a quick sale. If that buyer sells it on for triple the cost at a later date, the original seller has no rights to the profit. How is this situation any different just because they're family?

I'm getting the impression OP never minded or resented giving free treatments. Probably more a case of she'd been happy to give and now after years of free treatments, SIL is kicking off over something she's not owned for 4 years and is playing the 'taking money out of my children's pocket' card when for years she's been using OPs skill and (most likely expensive) products without a second thought.

OP, YANBU!

DB & SIL are grabby.

@VodkaSlimline

You all sound petty, grabby and not very nice. I'm surprised you've lasted this long without already having this type of falling-out!

Regardless of nail lamps, baby stuff and who does whose hair, splitting the profit with her would be the fairest thing to do about the table.

I’d rather be a bitch than a doormat though.

@solicitoring she hasn't given me the opportunity to say no thank you you don't need to pay for the hair&nails either.. she's never offered me money. I do quite a few close family and friends and don't charge them.. all of them every now and again say are you sure you don't want money or I'll turn up and they've bought a bottle of wine or gin to say thank you. She's never offered. These Things work both ways.
When I give something away or sell it then it's gone and theirs to do as they chose with. If I expect it back I say so at the time of giving. I've given lots of baby items away and a few things I've asked for back when they've finished with it as it has value to me. If someone sold something I gave them after they'd finished with it I wouldn't care. If they take it and sell it on straight away that's different.
I guess it's just one of those things people have different views on. I just think when you get rid of something you no longer have ownership of it and no rights to it.

@Guardsman18

Same here acatcalledjohn. I sold a house to a friend years ago for £43,000. She sold it for £135,000 some years later.

Does she owe me money?!

Well of course. You should take her to court if only to give the judge a good laugh.

I’d rather be a bitch than a doormat though.

So would I @Fluffycloudland77 but I wouldn't fall out with my brother for the sake of £60. I think people talking about how you wouldn't share profit with an ebay seller or house vendor are rather missing the point. Your kids probably don't share grandparents with someone who sold you something on ebay!

What have grandparents got to do with it? Op is not 'falling out with her brother' is she?

@VodkaSlimline

I’d rather be a bitch than a doormat though.

So would I @Fluffycloudland77 but I wouldn't fall out with my brother for the sake of £60. I think people talking about how you wouldn't share profit with an ebay seller or house vendor are rather missing the point. Your kids probably don't share grandparents with someone who sold you something on ebay!

Why is it missing the point? It's the same thing.

No one is obligated to give money to their family members to avoid a family fall out.

SIL sold the item fair and square.