Family fall out over a coffee table!

[PoppyBean]

I purchased a solid oak coffee table from my SIL about 4 years ago. She said she was getting rid, I said I loved it and asked how much she wanted for it, she wanted £30 so I paid and took my table.

I've just moved house and now have a toddler, my new lounge is an L shape and the coffee table doesn't really work anywhere in the room so I decided to sell it. I didn't really want to sell it as I still love it but it just doesn't fit. I done some research to see what's it's worth and what similar items are selling for and I sold it for £150.

SIL is fuming, says I've taken advantage and asked if i intend to share the profit. I said I paid the price you wanted you could of sold it yourself. I hadn't bought it to sell for profit and I'd be keeping it if it fit in my room but it doesn't.

Now my brother has text saying I've really upset her and she's shocked and disappointed at my greed.

SIL gifted me some baby items when my child was born. As they were gifted I asked what she wanted to do with them when I'd finished with them, she asked for some things back and said she wasn't bothered about the rest. I gave them away.

I think there's a huge difference between something you've been given as a gift, even if second hand and something you paid for so I don't feel like I have done anything wrong here.

Who is being unreasonable? Should I share the profit?

so if she wouldn't pay full Price for her nails but will happily take them free from me every 2 weeks is that ok? Is that not way more cheeky than genuinely selling a piece of furniture that no longer suits and making a small profit?

IMO no. Did you ever ask her to pay full price for her fortnightly nails from you? Or did she think you enjoyed practicing on her/saw it as a nice chance for a catch up?

If you offered to keep doing them for free because she was family, I don’t think she was cheeky to accept. If she badgered you for free service when you’d asked for payment then yes she was cheeky. But why on earth did you keep doing them for free if you resented it?

I think the table is different because it’s re the sale of an item, not a service that could be mistaken for a hobby/bonding time. She had no control over how you priced the table to re-sell, whereas you could easily have said you can’t afford to do her hair and nails for free or don’t have time.

Imagine you’d been planning to sell a branded gel nail kit and lamp with re-sell value over £100, but SIL expressed interest so you offered it to her for £30 as a gesture of goodwill. Then a few years later she no longer wanted it and sold it for 4x what she’d paid you, making a profit out of your kindness. Wouldn’t you have been a bit upset and hurt? Even though it was officially hers?

I don’t think it’s about the money here. It would have been polite to sell the table discreetly, or check with her first in case she wanted it back.

I think your SiL is an entitled CF, even without the free treatments you’ve given her. (I could understand her kicking herself for not investing time & effort into selling it herself for a good profit, but that’s on her and she should say anything to you or expect your money.) With the context of the free treatments she’s being even more of a greedy, entitled CF. Sounds like your brother isn’t much better, he should be telling her to wind her neck in. Well done for standing up for yourself!

She shouldn’t* say anything to you.

@PoppyBean

His reply was that I haven't done her hair for almost a year so it's not really a valid point.

I haven't done her hair for a year because we were in lockdown and then when that ended I was heavily pregnant and due in august, then I had a c section, had a new baby I wanted to protect from covid etc, then we went into lockdown again. She did actually go to a salon to have her hair done just before I was due, she text me and said it had cost her a fortune and they didn't do it exactly how she likes like I would and she can't wait for this to be over so we can get back to normal.

It's sad as I have tried so hard because they're family and always try to see the best in them and get others to as well but lockdown and all the difficulties this year has really highlighted who cares about me and my friendship and who cares about getting freebies.

My god whenever I think I can't be surprised by the cheeky fucker behaviour that goes on something comes along that always surprises me. I'm that your brother had the audacity to say you haven't done SIL hair and nails for a year so it isn't a valid point! OP tell the pair of them get fucked and SIL can get used to paying for her hair and nails from now on since they clearly don't appreciate your generosity, what an ungrateful pair of cunts (no offence OP and pardon my language)

YANBU! If you had got the table for £30 and then sold it for £150 the week after or a few months after then maybe sil would have a point but 4 years later is taking the piss especially after all the hair and nails you've done for her.

It sounds like they are the ones that will lose out now. Just ignore them now and let them get on with it.

@HikeForward 10 years of practice is quite a lot...

That's still 3 years of hair cuts and nails since she sold you the table, at the price she chose!

Why is your brother getting involved in this petty drama over a small amount of money!! It's been 4 years!! Some men need to grow a pair, stop trying to fight your wife's pathetic battle that doesn't even make sense.
Op please don't transfer the money, why should they win? They aren't entitled to a profit that you made 4 years on. It's your table, it's no longer hers!!

They’re trying to draw you into a fight that they will twist at every turn to win. You made an offer that they’ve blatantly ignored. If you fight back on that, next it will be them trying to force you to continue doing her hair and nails for free because you’ve been so grabby. As someone said way back, they consider you staff. The best thing you can actually do is ignore his response and get on with your life.

Your g feelings are absolutely valid.

Before the big drip feed, I'd have said you were unreasonable as she probably sold it to you cheaply as you are family. Given you were doing her hair for free at the time, she was bloody cheeky to charge you for it at all.

His reply was that I haven't done her hair for almost a year so it's not really a valid point.

Answer: it's entirely valid, given that over the preceding nine years I have saved her £X and have spent approximately £Y on nail products for which she's never reimbursed me.

YANBU at all. If she’d sold it to you and you’d sold it on a week later then she’d have a point but you used it for four years before selling it and only sold it because you have no space for it. She’s being completely ridiculous.

Well handled OP. I wouldn’t feel the need to split the sale proceeds on an item I bought four years ago if I happened to get a good price four years later when I’d researched and gone to the bother of listing and selling it. It’s would be a completely different situation if you bought it intending to sell it or ended up selling it soon after you bought it.

Sounds like your brother has met his perfect match. YY to no longer doing her hair and nails. She can go to a salon and pay a fortune like everyone else does.

I suppose technically you didn't do anything wrong but given it's SIL I would have split the money with her to avoid this situation.

Argh. Sorry I didn't RTFT. Yeah am totally on your side OP. She and your Brother are CF and cheapskates.

@HikeForward

so if she wouldn't pay full Price for her nails but will happily take them free from me every 2 weeks is that ok? Is that not way more cheeky than genuinely selling a piece of furniture that no longer suits and making a small profit?

IMO no. Did you ever ask her to pay full price for her fortnightly nails from you? Or did she think you enjoyed practicing on her/saw it as a nice chance for a catch up?

If you offered to keep doing them for free because she was family, I don’t think she was cheeky to accept. If she badgered you for free service when you’d asked for payment then yes she was cheeky. But why on earth did you keep doing them for free if you resented it?

I think the table is different because it’s re the sale of an item, not a service that could be mistaken for a hobby/bonding time. She had no control over how you priced the table to re-sell, whereas you could easily have said you can’t afford to do her hair and nails for free or don’t have time.

Imagine you’d been planning to sell a branded gel nail kit and lamp with re-sell value over £100, but SIL expressed interest so you offered it to her for £30 as a gesture of goodwill. Then a few years later she no longer wanted it and sold it for 4x what she’d paid you, making a profit out of your kindness. Wouldn’t you have been a bit upset and hurt? Even though it was officially hers?

I don’t think it’s about the money here. It would have been polite to sell the table discreetly, or check with her first in case she wanted it back.

Oh this reminds me of another incident with her actually not long after I started doing her nails..I was doing them once and my lamp broke.. she had one so she gave it to me and said you can have it, it's no use to me anymore as you do them now. I used that lamp for ages then upgraded it as it was only a cheap one. When she noticed she asked for her lamp back and I said I'd thrown it away as it wasn't working very well and she was most unhappy and kicked off about that too. That was a year or two later as well. As though she expected me to treasure the lamp and keep and use it forever as she'd given it to me.

His reply was that I haven't done her hair for almost a year so it's not really a valid point
If that’s the case then since SIL hasn’t owned the bloody table for four years, hers isn’t a valid point either!!!

My goodness, there is a pattern here of giving away unwanted gifts and then wanting them back. Personally, I think it has nothing to do with unwanted gifts or an unwanted coffee table and there are other underlying issues here.

I know I will get criticised for this but here it is - I generally do anything my sister in law wants so that i can sustain a relationship with my brother. I have one sibling. So, my own SIL is difficult but to keep the peace and so that she goes round to my mum and dads with their kids, I take a lot of .....because i know that deep down my SIL only cares about her own blood family and not mine. That works for me because my relationship with my brother is far more important and deep down my brother knows that my SIL is difficult. So, my point is that all this really boils down to is whether you want a relationship with your brother and his kids or not. It is easy to cut them out of your life, it will only take one phone call to do this but do you want to ? That i believe is the real issue, the rest is smoke and mirrors. if you want a relationship with your brother, take it all in, give her the money but definitely stop doing the nails

Yes you respond that sil hasn’t owned the table in over four years, so....

@Youseethethingis

His reply was that I haven't done her hair for almost a year so it's not really a valid point If that’s the case then since SIL hasn’t owned the bloody table for four years, hers isn’t a valid point either!!!

Haha yes this exactly. I’d reply the table was 4 years ago, now that’s counting! Honestly I’m done being used.

Good on the op for standing up for herself. The reply on kids bank accounts was exactly right, I can’t stand people who think they are special snowflakes and everyone should treat them that way with no regard for anyone else.

If I was getting rid of a coffee table and my SIL wanted it I would give it to her. And we hardly know each other/see each other.

I got rid of some solid teak garden furniture last summer, table, steamers. I’m sure I could have sold them but a friend expressed an interest and I gave them to her. She had given me a bike a few months earlier and refused any money.

I find asking a relative for £30 a bit odd unless you need the money. 🤷‍♀️

She had no control over how you priced the table to re-sell, whereas you could easily have said you can’t afford to do her hair and nails for free or don’t have time.

Hope you’re going to tell them that you both have the time and can afford to do her hair and nails for free but you won’t be anymore because you don’t want to.

She’s such a fuckwit, she’s going to have to pay thousands for hair and nails over the next few years....for the sake of £60!

I would of kept the profit for myself, she sold it to you 4 bloody years ago and it was no longer her property. Also wouldn't of told anyone about the profit.

@GreekGod

My goodness, there is a pattern here of giving away unwanted gifts and then wanting them back. Personally, I think it has nothing to do with unwanted gifts or an unwanted coffee table and there are other underlying issues here.

I know I will get criticised for this but here it is - I generally do anything my sister in law wants so that i can sustain a relationship with my brother. I have one sibling. So, my own SIL is difficult but to keep the peace and so that she goes round to my mum and dads with their kids, I take a lot of .....because i know that deep down my SIL only cares about her own blood family and not mine. That works for me because my relationship with my brother is far more important and deep down my brother knows that my SIL is difficult. So, my point is that all this really boils down to is whether you want a relationship with your brother and his kids or not. It is easy to cut them out of your life, it will only take one phone call to do this but do you want to ? That i believe is the real issue, the rest is smoke and mirrors. if you want a relationship with your brother, take it all in, give her the money but definitely stop doing the nails

I do agree with this and this is exactly what I have been doing all these years. We have such a close family but my brother and his wife have offended and upset people over the years. Particularly my mum by never really allowing her to be a grandma. They expect everyone to go to them but never invite people and aren't very accommodating when you invite yourself. If my mum asks to go round it's always yeh but we're going out a x time. I've always done it to maintain a relationship with my brother but if he isn't willing to maintain that relationship himself why should I continue to do it for them. I wouldn't allow my husband to be rude or disrespectful to my family so why does he allow his wife to? My husband has a terrible relationship with his parents and he never makes an effort but I do still try and maintain some contact with his mum by sending photos and videos of the kids I think I've just reached the point where if they can't be bothered to try and maintain a relationship why should I continue to do so.

They are being unreasonable-are they honestly so bothered about a coffee table sold 3 years ago that wasnt any good to them? so you made 120 quid-big deal-is it worth them being arsey and falling out with you, all a bit overblown-. I would've laughed and said well done mate..