Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family fall out over a coffee table!

485 replies

PoppyBean · 29/01/2021 21:30

I purchased a solid oak coffee table from my SIL about 4 years ago. She said she was getting rid, I said I loved it and asked how much she wanted for it, she wanted £30 so I paid and took my table.

I've just moved house and now have a toddler, my new lounge is an L shape and the coffee table doesn't really work anywhere in the room so I decided to sell it. I didn't really want to sell it as I still love it but it just doesn't fit. I done some research to see what's it's worth and what similar items are selling for and I sold it for £150.

SIL is fuming, says I've taken advantage and asked if i intend to share the profit. I said I paid the price you wanted you could of sold it yourself. I hadn't bought it to sell for profit and I'd be keeping it if it fit in my room but it doesn't.

Now my brother has text saying I've really upset her and she's shocked and disappointed at my greed.

SIL gifted me some baby items when my child was born. As they were gifted I asked what she wanted to do with them when I'd finished with them, she asked for some things back and said she wasn't bothered about the rest. I gave them away.

I think there's a huge difference between something you've been given as a gift, even if second hand and something you paid for so I don't feel like I have done anything wrong here.

Who is being unreasonable? Should I share the profit?

OP posts:
GreekGod · 31/01/2021 08:53

My goodness OP - your response to my post is exactly the same situation as I am in. Your SIL and my brother are very similar to mine. My husband also has a terrible relationship with his family but i continue to maintain contact with them.

This has been going on with us for over fifteen years. It started with minor things with my SIL and then it got worse. Then i realised she was starting trouble only to cut my brother off from his blood family. I felt exactly the same as you. You say "I've always done it to maintain a relationship with my brother but if he isn't willing to maintain that relationship himself why should I continue to do it for them." I will tell you why. Your brother can't see it now but he will. I was patient, took so much crap but it was worth it because i don't want to go into any details but one day when i really needed my brother and I mean really needed him when i just couldn't go on - He was there for me in a way only a sibling or someone really close to you knows how and he knows i will be always there for him. If i cut them off all those years ago over my SIL dramas - he would never have been there for me as the contact would have been lost. furthermore, my father got sick and my brother fell to pieces, my SIL was not really supportive and my brother turned round and told me "thank god we have each other". that's when i knew that i was so happy i never cut my brother off ...sorry for the long rant and i hope i have made sense.

HikeForward · 31/01/2021 09:05

not long after I started doing her nails..I was doing them once and my lamp broke.. she had one so she gave it to me and said you can have it, it's no use to me anymore as you do them now. I used that lamp for ages then upgraded it as it was only a cheap one. When she noticed she asked for her lamp back and I said I'd thrown it away as it wasn't working very well and she was most unhappy and kicked off about that too. That was a year or two later as well. As though she expected me to treasure the lamp and keep and use it forever as she'd given it to me

Hmm it sounds like she has a lot of attachment to material things. Appreciate the lamp was a gift but she may have thought you’d sold it, and still seen it as hers to some extent. Obviously she’s in the wrong here.

Thing is, you did her nails and hair for free (presumably without ever asking for payment or you would have said). To a family member or close friend that’s a favour? So to try and price it up 10 years later seems a bit off.

Again, is it worth a family feud over this?

Onlinedilema · 31/01/2021 09:11

Taking into account the free hair dos and free manicures I'm flabbergasted by sil and brother's response. Id stop doing her hair and nails for starters. Let her go elsewhere, oh she can't as everywhere is closed. I'd make myself unavailable when she wants these free treatments. One of my dear friends is a qualified hairdresser. I always pay her, she always sets a price. We are incredibly close. I think I would stop contacting SIL life is too short to be around such toxic people.
As for the table, well I don't know YANBU but I think I would give her £60, then tell her to find someone else to do her hair and nails. I'm like that though and I couldn't stand to be taken for granted in this way. Personally I'd rather cut her out than be taken for a mug.

catratmeow · 31/01/2021 09:25

She sounds like the sort of person who likes to start arguments. I have come across this type in the past. They tend to fall out with people habitually. always finding reasons to be offended and hard done by.

I have an acquaintance: Fallen out with close friends, sister, mother, in-laws. They've all caused massive offence to her which means they have no contact.

These types are best kept at arms length. Accept no favour and give no favour with her.

BarbaraofSeville · 31/01/2021 09:32

Your brother probably has no idea of the scale of the cost of the free hair and nails over the years.

Message them both offering to split the profit on the table with them, and replace the lamp and ask for a token, heavily discounted, mates rates £50 a month for the hair and nails, lets call it an even five grand that they owe you, seeing as we're backdating all these exchanges of flavours.

After all, your DC could really need a top up in their savings account.

mootymoo · 31/01/2021 09:32

Whilst you have every right to sell it, I would have automatically connected her and said "you know that coffee table, well because if the new house I sold it and I got xxx can I have your bank details, I'll split the profit with you ... or simply send her a cheque if you still have a book of them.

MiddleClassProblem · 31/01/2021 09:32

Actually, I can see why she was annoyed about the lamp, rightly or wrongly.

PerveenMistry · 31/01/2021 09:44

OP, you are 100 percent in the right here; ignore the nutters.

Really hope you never again touch SIL's nails or hair. You've been taken advantage of for far too long.

PerveenMistry · 31/01/2021 09:45

@BarbaraofSeville

Your brother probably has no idea of the scale of the cost of the free hair and nails over the years.

Message them both offering to split the profit on the table with them, and replace the lamp and ask for a token, heavily discounted, mates rates £50 a month for the hair and nails, lets call it an even five grand that they owe you, seeing as we're backdating all these exchanges of flavours.

After all, your DC could really need a top up in their savings account.

Excellent!

Beautiful3 · 31/01/2021 09:52

Look, she wasnt getting rid if it. You told her that you loved it. She charged you a low price because you are family! Now you're selling it for a high profit! If I were you I'd give her half of what you make. If you dont, your relationship will be damaged. I know from my own similar experience. I was planning on selling my tv table, my bil said that they wanted it. I GAVE it to them because we are family. 3 months later he told us that he had sold it straight away and bought a takeaway with the money!!! Never again have I invited him over. I have saved money by no longer buying his children Christmas and birthday presents. Greed is not a pleasant quality.

samanthawashington · 31/01/2021 09:53

I'm with her on this

faithfulbird20 · 31/01/2021 09:54

I see her behaviour as quite petty tbh she needs to grow up. She said she was getting rid of it and you bought it. It was your property now. You did her a favour buying it off her as she had no use for it. Now that you've profited off it, she's turned into the green eyed monster because she's jealous and wants some of that money. Err nooo who is she kidding? Does she go to the charity shop and do the same thing with her clothes? No.

faithfulbird20 · 31/01/2021 09:55

It's not like you bought it off her sold it a month or 2 months later. If she wanted to she could have done it herself but it was your hard work selling it.

babba2014 · 31/01/2021 09:57

It's your item. It is not grabby. If someone else wanted it I would have asked but she probably didn't want it but she is not entitled to that money.

ginislife · 31/01/2021 09:58

This is a MN bingo thread. OP writes a post that clearly indicates CF traits by the relative. Cue the hard of understanding who think the OP is the CF for 2 pages because they don't understand the thread. Massive drip feed by the OP which still shows the relative to be a CF. A reply saying cut them off forever. Loads of late posts from people who clearly haven't read any of it still saying the OP is a CF. A perfect response by the OP. Another CF response by the relative including emotional blackmail

OP you've done nothing wrong. Ignore the lot of it. The table was yours and it's 4 years on. She couldn't be arsed to sell it. You don't do any more hair and nails going forwards and you don't defend them to others in future. They're the losers.

Santaiscovidfree · 31/01/2021 09:59

Send an invoice.. Make a big thing of obviously discounting 2020 due to Covid..

nellyburt · 31/01/2021 10:02

Any reply from your brother?

Honeyroar · 31/01/2021 10:07

I’d just say from now on that you both pay full price for things to avoid this happening again- she pays for her hair/nails and you’ll pay proper amounts for tables/lamps etc.

MaMaD1990 · 31/01/2021 10:13

Your SIL is one CF if I ever saw one. Step back and focus your time and effort on the ones you love and who make an effort back. People like that simply aren't worth the upset.

FamilyOfAliens · 31/01/2021 10:14

Great messages, OP. Ignore people who haven’t RTFT.

Placemarking for your DB’s reply Blush

Noshowlomo · 31/01/2021 10:15

@HikeForward it’s clear that had the SIL not been an arse over something she owned 4 years ago then OP would be happy to continue to do her hair and nails, but SIL and DB have acted like CFs therefore highlighting a situation where OP has been doing them favours and saving SIL hundreds of pounds a year.
Completely on them. Tight arse gits. And the whole “taking money away from my kids”, that was disgusting.

Noshowlomo · 31/01/2021 10:16

@Beautiful3 this is 4 years on ...

Original poster
PoppyBean · 31/01/2021 10:20

It's turning into tit for tat with my brother, reminding me of the time he done some work at my house. He came once for a day and helped my husband dig some footings for an extension. Seemingly forgetting the time my husband spent several weekends at his house to re-wire and fit new heating system, not that I mentioned this. It's pointless. It seems the odd favour from them entitles them to a lifetime of favours in return.
I've just shut it down and said let's not fall out I think in future it's best to just keep things to friendly visits and play dates for the kids.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 31/01/2021 10:33

Oh dear OP. They really aren't very nice people are they? Do you think they've realised you will no longer be doing the hair and nails for free?

Noshowlomo · 31/01/2021 10:33

Yes shut that shit down. You would still be giving her free service if she hadn’t shown herself to be such a CF. They’re in the wrong. As you said, you won’t be sticking up for them any more.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.