Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

[Heartbrokenstill]

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago .. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it was

I don't know why I still think about this after all these years

It has taught me to be so kind to people.. It costs nothing and a unkind act can really affect people...

That's ok OP, these things stay in our minds x

I had to spend Christmas sometimes with my stepfather's family. Each of the 'blood' grandchildren received presents from under the tree. Not me.

The worst is my DM let it happen.

I hear you OP that must have absolutely rubbish. I think a lot of people are thinking of the past at the moment - I know I am - and things do come back to haunt you. But I think it is a symptom of this miserable time. It's ok to feel bad about this, it really is. When times are easier I am sure you will feel better about this unkind incident. Be kind to yourself x

Karen... It's awful isn't it! I have the most lovely family now.. Grandkids/daughter and son in laws/grown up kids.. All are everything I could wish for but I still remember this!

Oh OP that’s sad ☹️ it’s funny how things stay with us, you probably remember your innocence at the time, and the shock of your grandmother’s reaction.

Try to remember that the older generation were brought up differently then, and they were almost brutal in their ways. I suppose it might have had something to do with living through two world wars ? I don’t know, just guessing I suppose.

Teachers were pretty grim as well !

Try not to dwell on it too much if you can, life is sad at the moment, so it’s natural that these thoughts will pop in your head. 💐

Oh I'm so glad for you. Yes me too OP, I'm lucky enough to have a fantastic little family and group of friends now, but you can never really forget when people really hurt you I don't think.

I also remember how very beautiful she was! I was devastated she did not like or have time for me..

un-mumsnetty Hugs to you op

Good that you've talked about it

Well she missed out.

As a child with a kidney disorder I was often caught short in the middle of the night. One day we were watching TV and there was an advert for water beds, I said I'd like to sleep in one and my Grandma said "Well you don't need a water bed, you sleep in one most nights anyway"

My gran called me fat and greedy once in front of huge extended family - who I was meeting for the first time . I was seven ... funnily enough I’ve always had weight issues .

I looked after a lady once who was 97, I asked after her nickname, why she’d chosen it - oh I felt terrible when she admitted she couldn’t call herself her given name as she’d been bullied so badly at school . Poor soul had hung onto that for 92 years . I actually had a tear later .

It seems especially hard when the cruel memory is a family member.

Mine is also my nan. I'd escaped an abusive relationship in my teens, the first time I saw her afterwards she berated me for ending it, and said, "well you're not going to do any better are you?"

Grandmother had 3 grandchildren at the time, me being the oldest. I had to sit and watch them pass gifts to the rest of the family and each other .... but none for me. My grandfather got me a while later and gave me a wad of cash, and said shh don't let on. My granny was a horrible person who ruled the roost. He was a kind soul that didn't get a say.
Don't think she ever knew that he done it every year.
Was grand then when she died. I didnt have to be the doting granddaughter. I showed up when I felt like it and left again.
Was kinda empowering.
Lots of other horrible things from her but this stuck out.

Baked bean.. I think what you say is so true.. A different generation I really looked up to her even though I only saw, her a handful of times.. It was my mums mother and she was never there for my mum my grandad fetched my mum up x

I remember as a child learning a simplified piano piece (Chopin) and being so pleased when I managed it. Our neighbours (mother and daughter) came round once when I was playing it and the mother said to her daughter who was an excellent pianist "Oh, now play the proper version, darling, it will sound so much better". I can remember just feeling so embarrassed but not saying anything. The irony was this woman was a keen amateur painter and her paintings were hideous but she often showed them off and we were under strict instructions to be polite when I really wanted to tell her what I thought of her!

I have red hair and was relentlessly picked on for it until I was probably about 18, when everyone suddenly switches and tells you they love it .

The way those other kids made me feel about my hair will never ever go away and to this day I still feel like I'm not like other girls as I've got this thing that marks me out as unattractive and different.

It's ironic because I love red hair myself and I even like my own now, but those feelings will never go.

Oh op I'm sorry. These things stay with us. My mother once told me that I was unlikable. She loved me but couldn't like me because I was un likeable. It hit me very hard as a 10 year old. And I've never forgotten it.

For balance, I think most of us have experienced small words of kindness in life that also stay with us. A lady in a toilet once complemented my parenting and it, like the earlier insult, will never leave me.

We always went to visit relatives in a far-off county in the May/summer holidays, and gran would give us 10 shillings each ('to buy an icecream '). Except in May, when my birthday is, and I didn't get ice cream money 'because I'd had a birthday present'. So unfair, as the others got sent birthday money for their non-May birthdays. I was primary age, but Ive never forgotten.

I also had a nasty grandmother. She is my dad's mum but my mum and dad split soon after I was born. My grandmother hated my mum and made it known.

Once, my dad took me to my grans with my two half brothers (dads kids). This was the first time I met her.When we got there, they were greeted with hugs and kisses and I just got a look. She then let them choose a pick of crisps but I wasn't offered anything. My dad made a sheepish comment about it and she snapped at him. I just sat and watched my brothers enjoy the crisps. It seems like such a trivial thing as an adult but I remember feeling so sad and embarrassed as a child, watching my brothers eat whilst being shunned in an unfamiliar place. I remember desperately wanting to go home that day but having no control as I was about 6.

Aw that's shit, OP. I agree that back in the day many people were callously unkind to others.

I'm your age and experienced similar, and saw others being treated nastily. Some of those teachers!

I remember my mother telling me that I could be quite pretty if I tried. I was 12. I used to spend Sunday afternoons having my blackheads steamed out. She constantly taunted me about my skin, my hair etc. It's stayed with me.

Not being allowed in the car that followed the hearse at my Dad's funeral. We were all adults but it was deemed his 'cousins' should ride in the car over his daughters.

It was unkind and done to put us in our place.

Reading all these replies makes me realise as a child we are all looking for validation from adults we look up to especially from those who don’t deserve our adulation. Bit sad really. But we learn from mistakes from previous generations I suppose x

Being bullied at school. At infant/junior school because I was told I was too posh. I then got a full scholarship to a posh school and I wasn't posh enough.

On my 13th birthday in maths class, the whole class moved their desks away from mine so I was sat in solitary splendour in the middle of the room (crying) and the teacher said nothing at all.

Thank you all for your kind lovely messages 😊 my grand kids are my life and I can't imagine doing anything mean to them.. Its so daft the little mean things you remember at times like this.. Its such a hard time at the moment being in lockdown and not seeing your loved ones all the time xx