Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

[Heartbrokenstill]

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago .. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it was

As a family we were visiting family friends in another part of the country. I must have been about 10, my older sister was 13. We were hanging out at a local park with the 13 year old daughter of our friends. Then an older girl arrived, probably 15 or 16 whom our friends' daughter knew. They started talking. She seemed quite tough and had an aggressive manner.
For some reason I must have annoyed that older girl, i think I interrupted her, it was probably just me being a normal ten year old girl. She then had a go at me and threatened that she will find out where we live. At which I just laughed and said she won't find out as we weren't from their area.
She then got really angry and hit me straight into the face with her bare hand. I must have cried out in shock because out came her hand again and she hit my other cheek. It was such a hard slap it left marks on my face.
We ran back to our friends' house. I remember my mum being quite cool about it all, just saying, oh yeah I can see the streaks on your face, after we told her.
Nowadays I believe this sort of thing would be classed as assault

Some things stay with you forever. Among many things that happened, two things stand out most. One when my mum said I was ungrateful and should never have been born. Two was the one and only time I can remember my mum saying she loved me. I was 6 and really unwell. My mums not dead, I speak to her every couple of weeks, I love her even if she doesn’t love me. They both make me cry every time I think of them.

I was in a science lesson in Yr8 and the teacher was trying to do an experiment in front of the class. He said out loud (to himself really) “Now I need something heavy”.

One of the boys then looked at me across the room and called out “Go on then X, get up there!”. Everyone heard, including the teacher.

I was overweight (about a size 14) but that doesn’t make it any less of a twattish thing to say. The worst thing was the number of people who laughed, including some of the ‘nice’ people in the class. I’m feeling charitable so I’ll say it was a shocked reaction

Name changed as it’s a bit pathetic really

A man in a club once groping me, I pushed his hand away and pulled a face. He was old enough to be my father. He then came closer to me and said that a dog wouldn't touch me with a pole. This was my first experience of a man becoming aggressive when rejected. I often wonder if had daughters of his own my age...

A school class mate singing about how I had no breasts aged 14. I am still self conscious about my chest even though I now very much have boobs!

I was bullied terribly at school and one of the things the main ring leader said was that I had bad breath. I am so paranoid now that I always chew gum and try not to talk too close to people just in case.

What this thread has made me realise is that people are very cruel. However I can also think of many times when people were very kind. I try to remember and to teach my children that even something we may say or do and think nothing of could have a huge effect on someone else so to always be kind.

When I was pregnant with my now 4 year old I had gestational diabetes. At my anomaly scan the midwife said to me "now you do know your baby will probably die if it's not out by 39 weeks"
I was alone at the Appt and so shocked I couldn't speak.
I cried so much I couldn't even tell Dh on the phone what she had said.

This is actually one of my proudest moments
I was a really shy, unconfident teenager. Always well-behaved and studious at school.
When I was about 15, I was put in a German class with a few other boys. It was a sort of fast-track class for those gifted at Languages. I was the only girl.
Each time the teacher left the class, one of the boys used to call me disgusting names, like 'cocksucker', etc. The other boys used to titter and no one stood up for me. I used to just sit there and take it.
One day I decided I'd had enough. At the end of the lesson, I waited outside for the boy. And on his approach, whacked him straight across the face.
Never ever did he call me another name.

A few year ago I escaped an abusive relationship. I literally fled the house in fear of my life with my then 7 year old son. I went to my parents because it was nearby and thought I would be safe. I finally told them everything about my 7 year abusive marriage.
As I sat at the kitchen table my father asked me what I had done to make my husband so cross as I did have a tendency to say things to wind people up?!
My mum then proceeded to tell me that we couldn't stay the night (in their 6 bed house) because there wasn't much room and the whole situation was too stressful for her.
I used the last £70 in my bank to get my son and I room in a premier inn which ended up being miles away. If I had returned to my house I am pretty sure I would not be here now.
Having given up a really good uni place to look after my mum a few years previous I just couldn't believe what I was hearing.
I still see my parents regularly and they love my son dearly but I can't look them in the eye, especially my mum, because it hurts so damn much.

Something a teacher said to me at school has stuck with me for forty years.
I was in my first year of secondary school and it was in a PE lesson which a student teacher was taking, we were playing netball and I’d been put in defence which I was pretty useless at but I was really trying hard although I’ve never been particularly sporty.

Anyway, she shouted from the other side of the court “You girl” and everyone stopped to see who she was shouting to and she pointed to me, “you’re running like a pregnant bear” which made the rest of the class laugh. After that I begged my mother every week for a note excusing me from PE.

It seems such a silly throwaway comment and I really should’ve brushed it off but coming from an adult and in front of so many people, who found it so amusing, it and how it made me feel has stayed with me.

My mum is nearly 80. She still remembers her mum making her give her beloved doll to a little girl down the street whose mum had died. A couple of days later she found it smashed in the gutter with a leg missing and all its hair pulled out. She’s still devastated when she tells the story!

Some of these are just awful, some especially cruel family members. Mine is from when I was about ten and I’d gone to watch my friend in a dance performance. It was in a hall with about 100 people in the audience. It had already started when I arrived so I crept in quietly. Unbeknownst to me the door hasn’t closed properly behind me and started to swing open when the dance teacher yelled out to me “Were you born in a barn?”. The whole audience turned to stare at me, I was like a rabbit in the headlights. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so humiliated, before or since!

I have curly, frizzy hair and have always hated it. I remember as a young child of about 8 or 9, a few of us used to go regularly to the local swimming pool. After coming out of the pool, I had to let my hair dry naturally because there weren't hairdryers in the changing rooms in those days.

My 'friend' looked at my curly hair and said "Your hair is so ugly - it looks just like my Nan's shampoo & set".

I sat in the back of her mum's car all the way home trying not to cry and to this day over 40 years later I still remember it, and I still hate my curly, frizzy hair.

So many, maybe too many to mention.

One that particularly sticks out to me is when I was about 18 my mother was pestering me to get a part time job, I had applied for loads, and we were discussing what I should try my hand at. I said "I could do waitressing - loads of people my age do it" she said "yeah but you're not like other people your age are you - you couldn't do it, you're useless"

I still don't know what on earth she meant by this? I still remember the lump in my throat forming and thinking what a horrible thing to say, and it was clear it was intended to hurt me. I was already feeling a bit downtrodden from not hearing back from other jobs, and it made me feel really rubbish. I've never forgotten it, nor will I ever forget it.

Another one that I'll always remember is when I was 16 and had just gotten my GCSE results. They were fine. I got B's in english, C's across the rest of the board. It was enough to go to sixth form to please my mother even though deep down I was passionate about hairdressing. Upon finding out my results my mother broke down in narcissistic tears, telling me that she "wished she had never given birth to me".. total overreaction.

It's all the little things isn't it? Emotional death by a thousand cuts....

And the damage leads one to horrendous life choices sometimes because if you have little experience of healthy relationships, you become a sponge for the smallest drop of what seems to be validation.....

I seem to be a magnet for people who see my Pavlovian response of being nice, kind and supportive, as drilled into me from a very young age, as a signal to take advantage, then cry foul if I can't or don't want to deliver on their "needs".

I have a bit of a backbone now but it's taken me years to realise my role in life is not as emotional support human / emotional punching bag.

Fear of rejection is such a driver!

Has anyone else noticed a hell of a lot of mothers belittling their daughters on here? Just.....why??

When I phoned MIL to tell her I'd had a miscarriage she asked me what I had done to cause it.

A month or so later she phoned me to tell me that the spirit of my miscarried baby had visited her and it was a little girl. She knew I was desperate for a daughter.

@LadyFlumpalot how cruel and vile, so sorry

My uncle said my children's names were terrivly grand for children born out of wedlock.

I was shocked. My mum laughed. I was shocked again.

Name changed as this is so outing (although I hope some of them do see this).

All through secondary school I was in a friendship group of 5. I’d say we were pretty close from the age of 11 - sleepovers most weekends, shopping trips, the usual. It was just the 5 of us and we didn’t really have any friends outside of the group. Suddenly when we were about 15 the other four girls developed some kind of ‘secret’ that they’d decided I wasn’t to know about. It started with them stopping talking every time I came in the room. It was really unnerving and they refused to tell me what they were talking about. Eventually they came up with code words so they could talk about this thing right in front of me (all the time) and they’d laugh at me when it was clear I didn’t know what they were on about. I’d pretend not to care and read my book or talk to somebody else in the class instead, but then they’d just talk louder and louder in these stupid code words as if to try and get a rise out of me. This went on for months and really got to me, to the point where I’d dread going to school every day because I knew they’d be taking about it again.
Eventually the ‘secret’ came out (wasn’t even really a big deal) and the friendship continued as normal for the next year or so until the end of year 11 and we all drifted off to various jobs/colleges. I don’t speak to any of them now and still think about just how mean this incident was. I really struggle with friendships now as I don’t feel I can rely on anyone, and I’m sure this has a lot to do with it. I just can’t understand why they treated me this way.

In my first job when I was about 17, a colleague of mine loved telling me how awful I looked. I remember her saying "Look, you are not a beauty queen. It is disgusting that you come in to work without wearing make up, really disgusting.'" When I'd had enough of her daily bullying, she caught me looking for another job during my lunch hour. She told me that if I got a new job no one would speak to me, and that there are some right bitches out there (she couldn't seem to see that she was one of them). Another time she said that she couldn't understand why someone like me should get a job anyway, as I was so quiet. She told me I was no company for anyone and if it was just the two of us in the office it would be like working on her own.

Has anyone else noticed a hell of a lot of mothers belittling their daughters on here? Just.....why??

Yes. My mother was like that, still is like that to a degree. Another poster hit the nail on the head when she said her mother saw her as a rival.

I'm shocked by what some parents reactions have been to what other people have done/ said to their children. I never used to let it go if anyone tried to/managed to upset our 3. If they did, they certainly didn't get away with.

This thread is so upsetting. Some of these will stay with me always. Some fucking nasty teacher as well as parents. Why are these people so bloody vile?!

@MistressoftheDarkSide

It's all the little things isn't it? Emotional death by a thousand cuts....

And the damage leads one to horrendous life choices sometimes because if you have little experience of healthy relationships, you become a sponge for the smallest drop of what seems to be validation.....

I seem to be a magnet for people who see my Pavlovian response of being nice, kind and supportive, as drilled into me from a very young age, as a signal to take advantage, then cry foul if I can't or don't want to deliver on their "needs".

I have a bit of a backbone now but it's taken me years to realise my role in life is not as emotional support human / emotional punching bag.

Fear of rejection is such a driver!

I do relate to this. Was discussing this very thing with therapist the other week. Death by a thousand little cuts....and to outsiders it seems like a small deal, but the little things build up and up until you become a ball of complex trauma responses

Our tumble dryer was kept outside in the garage, next to a chest freezer. One day my mother asked me to put some washing in the drier. Off I trotted to the side door, I was skinny back then, but couldn't open the door wide enough, went to the front garage doors, opened it and still couldn't get to the dryer. My dad had parked the car too far forwards and to the right. So back I go and explain the situation, my mother, with a for gods sake thrown in, snatched the laundry off me and went to do it herself. Guess what? She couldn't get in either. Cue an argument with my dad, but no apology to me.
Not long after that my mother left my dad for another woman, but thats a whole other thread.

My father:

"Why don't you just kill yourself then and be done with it?" ( over my self harm and borderline PD issues)

(When a friend stayed over a t my house when we were 15 and complimented my long curly hair: friend said "wish I had hair like yours, Glitter" and my dad overheard "yeah but you wouldn't want her figure would you?"

" you'll never amount to anything you're so stupid"

"Children are meant to be a blessing I don't know what went wrong with you"

" mental health? You've always been an attention seeker and troublemaker"

(After a sexual assault) "well be didn't rape you, did he? Get over it and stop trying to seek attention"

"Fat, lazy, cow"

"Never a genuine thought in your head, just confused"
"If you don't get all your maths homework right/finish you're dinner etc I will beat you until/ kill your guinea pigs etc"

Aged 5 I was playing up, afraid of baths and I wouldn't get in it that night "if you don't get in there right now, I will put my fingers up your arse!"

He could occasionally be violent but mostly it was threats of violence. My sister had it worse b e cause he used a knife on her and my mother too, as threats. So I had it pretty good really

To be fair I was chubby and probably deserved the constant belittling over my weight and eating (was a compulsive eater who used to hide food in my room and just stuff myself until I was sick) and I did grow up to become an attention seeking whinger. So my dad wasn't saying anything untruthful per se. But it did hurt and made me want to hurt myself more.

In my primary school a bunch of kids tried to.sexually assault me. A bit grandiose to say sexual assault. It was more like making me strip with threat of hurting me if I didnt. Was blamed when they found about it

The worst thing ever my dad said was to my sister as a little girl . She said he wished she had never been born". Breaks my heart because she was only about 7 and a sweet kid.

Thing about my dad was, my therapist says he was an abuser but my dad really wasn't that bad all of the time. I mean, what he did was awful and is never let someone do that to my kids but I feel bad considering him as a bad person . He was like Jekyll and hyde...two personalities.

I never felt i could trust him quite. He would try and hug me but i would.turn away from him and that would upset him and he would complain about It to my older sister. She would tell me off saying "he is our father he loves us, we have to respect him." She worshipped him until very recently , now in her 40s she realises how awful he was to her and mum and understands why I didn't like him growing up.

I live away from family now and am getting support.for my mental health. I have some contact with my parents, my dad is mostly quite nice to me now, though can be a bit hurtful in his comments. I do have a fear of making a mistake around him and getting him angry.

I don't wish to marry. I had some awful sexually abusive experiences as well from various men and it's made me realise I can live without a long term partner.

Sorry this has turned into quite a litany of self pity!

Interesting the comment about mums belittling daughters- both my parents are weird but I do remember when I was 16 or 17 meeting a very good looking 20 year old on holiday in Spain. My mum then started acting really oddly and my dad told me they had a row and she was actually jealous, because seeing me with a good looking young man made her feel old.