Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

[Heartbrokenstill]

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago .. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it was

A school report when I was 17 saying I was a 'lost cause'. They didn't know the poverty we were living in, holes in shoes, chilblains in the winter, 4 kids to a bedroom with no study space/peace and quiet. I've done well from that base but those words were cruel.

God i have loads. But one that came back to me was I have trichlomenia so pull my hair out, I looked like a boy and had a massive bald patch on the crown of my head, HUGE. My friends all went to an adult acting class as children to be extras. They needed extra children so I went along after my friends said. The guy in charge seen me and said no he wasn't looking for others.

Remember walking down the stairs with my mum. And her cuddling me as I cried saying he was a b@!&#!

Also, my dp asking me if I'd ever get my thigh gap back about a month after having dd. Fwiw I was the skinniest id been in quite a dark place...

I was called 'gormless' by a friend's mother when I was about 9. Didn't know what it meant but I knew it was an insult.

Been called ugly more times than I care to remember.

@hastobebetter. You sound lovely it's awful when jealous people chip away at you!

I was working in a cafe having dropped out of university. My old form teacher came in and said "oh you do like to make things hard for yourself" . He had my class for 4 years and had watched me go through the misery of my parents divorce, and constant bullying for having glasses, acne and braces.

I was mortified and angry and felt 1 inch tall. The next 5 years were hell and I think about it often. Why did he say that. What would I perhaps have done differently if he had said something supportive or encouraging. Horrible horrible horrible.

I wonder...do you ever remember the times you have done something that could have been construed as unkind?

It often feels that the people who post like this really believe they have never done anything wrong in their lives that could have hurt others.

None of us are perfect, not your Gran, not you, not me, not any poster here. It is odd how clearly we remember the unkindness of others and how easily we forget the times we too have been unkind.

The boy in school who told 13 year old me that I should never wear a skirt again.

Being very overweight I was always so self conscious. My mum bought be a skirt from a "cool" shop that I wanted to wear for school, but kept backing out because I was nervous about what people might say. I finally plucked up the courage to wear it and then that dickhead pipes up. I never wore that skirt again.

If I ever bumped into him, I'd look him in the eyes and tell him to go fuck himself.

(Reader, as a 30-something year old woman, I wear skirts WHENEVER I want!)

@Sometimesonly

I remember as a child learning a simplified piano piece (Chopin) and being so pleased when I managed it. Our neighbours (mother and daughter) came round once when I was playing it and the mother said to her daughter who was an excellent pianist "Oh, now play the proper version, darling, it will sound so much better". I can remember just feeling so embarrassed but not saying anything. The irony was this woman was a keen amateur painter and her paintings were hideous but she often showed them off and we were under strict instructions to be polite when I really wanted to tell her what I thought of her!

I hope you came to realise that she was the one who should be embarrassed by her own behaviour.

I had a great aunt who didn’t have children of her own but was close to my dad. She blatantly favoured my younger brother and brought him expensive gifts when she visited. I remember in the 80s she came with a swatch watch for him (very desirable at the time) and a 30p bar of supermarket chocolate for me. She made a thing about commenting on my lovely watch (£1.99 from the local petrol station) before presenting me with the chocolate.

@Eeeemac

I wonder...do you ever remember the times you have done something that could have been construed as unkind?

It often feels that the people who post like this really believe they have never done anything wrong in their lives that could have hurt others.

None of us are perfect, not your Gran, not you, not me, not any poster here. It is odd how clearly we remember the unkindness of others and how easily we forget the times we too have been unkind.

Is your comment for real? If so it’s ill-timed and unnecessary. Now please bugger off if you have nothing constructive to say

Sorry that happened to you op. I'm ten years younger than you and imo some people were quite unpleasant to children back then. There was a lot more smacking and putting kids down then than there is now.

I remember a time when I was unkind and I wish I could take it back. I was 5 or 6 and my grandparents took me swimming. I loved them completely but I hadn’t realised only Grandad was coming in the water with me. We got poolside when I realised granny was still in her clothes and I absolutely refused to go with him. I couldn’t process the situation not being what I’d pictured in my head. I hate that child me must have made him feel rubbish and unloved because that so wasn’t the truth. Wish I could have told him how much I wish I could change that moment - realistically he probably just thought I was little and being a bit awkward and clingy to granny but that memory truly upsets me how I could have been so unkind to such a wonderful man.

I bunked off school one time when I was maybe 14-15. My mum came to the school to bring me McDonald's and found I wasn't there. She came home and was furious. She said ' you're not pretty and instead of you to use your brain to get ahead you're bunking off'

Got me to straighten up but it's stayed with me

I remember in year six at school, we did a spelling test. I got one of the words wrong and it was quite a complicated word.

The teacher left us to our devices for about twenty minutes, she never gave us any activity/instruction so we were all just chatting. I went up to her desk and said something like 'could you tell me the spelling of that word again please?' as I wanted to make sure I learnt it. She screamed at me saying something about 'of course it's right'. I think she thought I was doubting whether she'd given us the correct spelling. She went bright red in the face spitting at me as she screamed. I went to the toilet and cried. I've never forgotten.

My dad's mum (my grandma) didn't have much to do with us as we were growing up. When my mum got cancer my dad reached out to her and they fostered some kind if relationship. My mum died and in the year after me and my brother would accompany my dad to visit her. He was lonely etc and wanted the companyon the trips. We were 18, and 20. I've always been fat and sensitive about it at the time I'dlost a fair bit of weight but she would often make comments whenever I ate anything. I tried to just let it not affect me. But one morning when we woke up, we sat down at the dining table for breakfast. She made everyone a full english breakfast but didn't give me anything. So I'd sat at the table, and she served everyone but just ignored me. Just made a snide comment about losing weight as they tucked in. It was so humiliating. My brother obviously shared his with me. It doesn't sound like much but it still stings.

I remember once going for a walk with my new aunt and her dog, I loved dogs so I was so excited. I told her all about the dog we sometimes looked after. Later when we were back at the house I overheard my mum mention the dog we looked after and my aunt reply ‘oh yes I’ve heard ALL about Jess’ in a way that implied I’d gone on and on about it.

I remember the sadness I felt when I realised that she hadn’t enjoyed our time together in the same way I had. I never fully felt comfortable around her for the rest of our relationship (she was married to my uncle for another 20yrs or so)

It’s funny because now I see how easy it is to speak about a child like that and I know sometimes I have found my own children annoying or made fun of them in that way as a way of venting my frustration. But I try really hard not to and to show my children respect in the way I speak about them either in front of them or behind their back because I remember that feeling so well

Being the only child in the class not invited to a classmate's party - a girl ii considered a friend and had bought a gift for.

My mum and I have a good relationship now, but she can be a right bitch and used to be much worse.

When I was about 13, my auntie was visiting and she was praising some new outfit I'd got or something I'd done with my hair, can't even remember what. She said "you could be a model!" with my mum in earshot, to which mum added "models don't walk like this", turning both of her feet in and sticking her bum out and shuffling along. I do have a slight limp from having dodgy tendons in both feet and I did have hypermobile ankles and knees until I was past puberty. My aunt thankfully took my side and told my mum never to say that again.

I've tried to rationalise it by thinking that I must have been really annoying her for some other reason, but it still stings. Mum still refuses to acknowledge that I walk with a limp and will invent all kinds of terminology for it to make it seem like something I could stop doing if I really tried. I think she knows it's genetic and feels guilty.

It just hurts when it's someone who's meant to have your corner, doesn't it?

You lovely lovely people! (every bloody single one of you's) your story's are making me cry now! 😢 I think lockdown has just made me feel a bit weepy! But luckily this is the only unkind memory I have so I am really lucky x....

@m0therofdragons

I remember a time when I was unkind and I wish I could take it back. I was 5 or 6 and my grandparents took me swimming. I loved them completely but I hadn’t realised only Grandad was coming in the water with me. We got poolside when I realised granny was still in her clothes and I absolutely refused to go with him. I couldn’t process the situation not being what I’d pictured in my head. I hate that child me must have made him feel rubbish and unloved because that so wasn’t the truth. Wish I could have told him how much I wish I could change that moment - realistically he probably just thought I was little and being a bit awkward and clingy to granny but that memory truly upsets me how I could have been so unkind to such a wonderful man.

I’m sure he understood that 5 year olds have strange ideas. Please forgive yourself. I bet he’d want you to.

@Eeeemac

I wonder...do you ever remember the times you have done something that could have been construed as unkind?

It often feels that the people who post like this really believe they have never done anything wrong in their lives that could have hurt others.

None of us are perfect, not your Gran, not you, not me, not any poster here. It is odd how clearly we remember the unkindness of others and how easily we forget the times we too have been unkind.

I agree, hence my earlier post on the thread where I do remember being unkind myself

There's one that will never leave me, my grandmother, my dad's mum, we went to visit her in hospital she wasn't expected to live long, I was 11 at the time. Herast ever words to me were 'you are nothing but a disappointment' she died 2 days later. Lovely woman that one haha can't say I miss her.

My mother had died of cancer the week before. I was 15. I was staying with my brother and his wife. I was looking at my collection of childhood photographs taken by me/her/brother on my camera. This made me cry. His wife "caught" me crying, bollocked me for "wallowing", took every single of the hundreds of photos I had and shoved them in the loft in a manky old bin liner. I never got them back. Her son told me she had let other family members cherry pick through them months later before throwing the rest in the bin. He is the only one in the family who knows she did this, the rest of them think that although she was a complete bitch that even she would not do something so nasty.

I was in lower sixth form. We were in the common room when a lad called out in front of everyone, "Hey Once, when's the baby due?" I was wearing a tight miniskirt and possibly had a little pot belly. Everyone laughed.
It was a dick move anyway, but what he didn't know was that a few months earlier, I had fallen pregnant, told my bf who immediately disappeared, and then I had a miscarriage. No-one knew about it, I went through it all on my own.

I remember being around 5/6 and being invited out on a day trip with my best friend and her family to the beach they were also meeting up with friends who had a caravan down that way. The mum from this other family made sandwiches to eat on the beach I can’t remember how many I had had already but I reached for another one and was told no not you, you’re greedy! I remember feeling embarrassed and just wanting to go home don’t know why that one stuck with me, I was young and just hungry!