Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

[Heartbrokenstill]

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago .. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it was

@GlitterInMySoul
You were not to blame for anything your sperm donor did/said to you. He is the cause of all your issues, no one else, certainly not you. He mentally and emotionally abused you. That is just as bad as physical abuse.
Not self pity, personal experience. Personally when my emotionally absent areshole of a mother died, I was happy.
Are you still in counselling?

[quote Gingaaarghpussy]@GlitterInMySoul
You were not to blame for anything your sperm donor did/said to you. He is the cause of all your issues, no one else, certainly not you. He mentally and emotionally abused you. That is just as bad as physical abuse.
Not self pity, personal experience. Personally when my emotionally absent areshole of a mother died, I was happy.
Are you still in counselling?[/quote]
Yes. I am hoping to continue seeing therapist for a while as I need to work through some bad behaviours around food, anxiety and self harm.

Thank you

@GlitterInMySoul for you 🌹 what a sad story you are not to blame x

My Dad went through a phase when I was late teens where, if we had visitors, he would make some loud remark about me having bad breath or my teeth being yellow. This was not at all true, but he thought it was funny to embarrass me. Nice. Not as horrible as many stories here but still. Then there’s my Mum. For a period of time, about ten years from when I was mid to late high school age, she would get drunk and follow me around saying increasingly viscious things to me until she got the screaming match she wanted. Once she screamed at me that she didn’t love me.She did say she was sorry and give me a tin of nice tea though, so all good. Actually, that’s the only time she’s ever apologised.

Ah yes, competitive mothers.

Mine never said you look nice or anything remotely like that. Never went clothes shopping or anything similar together. I was used to that. I did get compliments from others, never her.

When I first met my ex who I was with a long time, and who ended up being extremely emotionally abusive her reaction was: "How did you manage that? He's far too good for you."

Hopefully the next time some maudlin idiot starts on about 'oh I wish my mother was still here, you should be grateful you still have a mother', they can be directed to this thread to discover what it was like for many of us.

My own mother:
"Don't think you're anything special, there's nothing special about you"
"Repulsive!" (when I was about 14).
She never, to my knowledge, ever said a single positive thing about me or my sisters to our faces. Not once. In case we got a big head. Fat chance of that with her around.
She died in 2014. I don't really miss her.

This is almost always my DM.
It went from belittling fears I had eg after ages plucking up the courage to tell her I got scared when a tube train stopped in a tunnel, I was 10 at the time and going to school on the tube by myself.
Her response was ‘don’t be silly ‘
I’ve claustrophobic ever since. This is a fact that surprised her years later when as an adult I didn’t.t want to get in a lift.
Telling me I looked like a tramp when I was about 14 and she didn’t want to walk down the street with me.
When dropping me off at the station to go to a university interview that I wouldn’t get in if I wore trousers. Unhelpful as I had nothing else with me.
Telling me that being godmother to a good friends first born was a stupid thing to do.
Telling me I’d made the wrong choice for the song at my wedding.
When I’d spent a lot of effort making a book for her 70th birthday getting old photos and quotes from old friends of hers; her main comment was that the quotes didn’t match the photos.
Of course they didn’t, most of it was before I was born!
When I told her I was pregnant with my 3rd child her response was ‘ oh no ‘
when I told her what I was going to name her ‘ you’re joking right’

My father talking about my SIL as the most beautiful woman in the family.
Also saying how funny it was that my brother had more money than he knew what to do with and I had so little.
This is despite the fact that I work as a HCP which is at least as “worthy” as the jobs my parents did.
My brother felt able to break the mold and runs his own company.

There are so many more but all in the same vein.
One of several reasons I live on the other side of the world.

My mother shouting at me 'I wish you'd never been born'

Caused me problems all my life with self esteem

@Moreguac sounds like they just feel so entitled to be hurtful to you. My parents are the same, a constant stream of comments, each one casually hurtful if you know what I mean, and when I say ''that was hurtful'' they deny that it was hurtful. Won't hear it. Don't believe that it is possible that they could hurt me in fact. When I have challenged them they basically defend their right to be hurtful

This thread is horrifying! I am wondering re mothers, how many on here have seen the movie I, Tonya? About the ice skater Tonya Harding's upbringing - and yes, about that Nancy Kerrigan incident. If so, what are your thoughts on it. I found it heartbreaking and many of the things some of the mothers have said in this thread, Tonya's mother said also. It was quite a distressing movie, and it broke me when Tonya asked her mother did you ever love me? Of course her mother didn't give an actual answer.

I saw that film. It was excellent.

I think one of the thug men in her life decided to make her a cashier cow by knobbling her rival, but she was a sitting duck for bad relationships.

A bit rubbish compared to the others, but I was about 12 and I fancied a boy for the first time. I wrote him a letter. Another girl found out and laughed about it, and I heard her say nice and loud, so I could hear “Why did she write to him, she’s not exactly pretty”. It stayed with me to this day! Kids can be so cruel.

This is awful but my mum's mum could be very racist at times. Anyway when I was 17 she saw my younger sister's latest school photo & said oh she looks like a N...... girl.

Now I'm not racist and I was horrified at my nans language & at the disgust in her voice.
My nan didn't know but at that time my younger sister was getting a lot of abuse at our very white school for being of mixed race appearance. (We don't know exactly why some of our family on my dads side are darker skinned but I'm currently researching the family).
I have never ever told anyone especially not my sister what my Nan said and luckily she never treated us differently in terms of the things she gave us such as money.

A thing that hurt me, much more recent was when I found out that a male friend (i actually spent several years hoping he liked me as more than a friend) had been telling other men that I was ugly. I was devastated

A friend of mine was having an argument with one of her other friends. In trying to 'prove' to me what a bad person this girl was, my friend told me her friend had said I was much more unattractive than my boyfriend and he could do better than me.

I was actually more angry at my friend in that moment. Why would you ever tell me someone said that? It was bloody hurtful and I didn't need to know. We are still friends and sometimes I do think about it.

It upsets me to this day ....
A maths teacher at a UK top 10 grammar school when I was a very shy 13 year old and plucked up courage to ask a question.
'Quite frankly my dear if you don't understand that then you shouldn't be at this school".
Everyone laughed and I cried silently into my exercise book and never found out the answer.
I still well up when I think about it.

There were unfortunately a number of teachers who shouldn't have been teaching when we were at school and were the reason for the saying "Those who can...do. Those who can't...teach".

The mother - daughter thing is a lot of jealousy, insecurity and personification on the part of the mother, and of course out and out narcissism at times. We don't know why some people perpetuate abuse and others are so determined to treat their children with the love and kindness they never received.

Yeh, how do you bring people to awareness. Im aware. My parents arent. They rely on so many projections and denials that if i try to draw a boundary "dont csll me paranoud" then they are instantly the victims of my abuse. This 100% how they view it

Being called butterfingers very loudly by the PE teacher when I dropped the ball in was thrown during PE class.

And being told I had legs that looked like hockey sticks by my own mother.😡

And another from me...lying in hospital having given birth to my first child the night before and having a painful 3rd degree tear....my mother visited and said 'you've still got your belly then.'

@OlympicProcrastinator thAt is one of the most horrible things I’ve heard! So nasty!