Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

[Heartbrokenstill]

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago .. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it was

*Y3 sorry

sigh forever wishing there was an edit button

Standing by my eight month old baby's crib in pediatric intensive care (he was on life support for RSV viral respiratory failure) a minister known to my DH and his family who had attended my wedding commented on how much weight I had gained since my wedding day. I don't know which was crueler the weight comment or the context he made the comment. My DH still finds it difficult to believe he would say or do what he did.

Someone telling me he was getting me Slim Fast for Christmas.

I wasn't even fat but I was mortified and started to starve myself after.

I’m of a south Asian background and myself and DS (sister not son lol) were the darkest out of all the cousins growing up. Our aunt used to constantly comment on it as children and encourage us to use fair and lovely skin bleaching cream to fix our problem. When we became teens and wore foundation matching our skin at weddings/events she and others would loudly proclaim we looked so dark and helpfully suggested wearing a lighter shade I’m in my late 20s now and really struggle with being comfortable in my skin now even though I know she was talking bollocks. Thankfully Covid has meant my extended family haven’t met baby DD born in lockdown as I’m expecting them to comment on her skin too as it’s exactly the shade of mine

As an eleven yr old I saved up to buy a new t-shirt for our school sports day as we didn't have to wear the PE kit on sports day.
I loved this floral t-shirt and thought I looked nice.
PE teacher, in front of the whole class asked me if I'd made the t-shirt out if a pair of old curtains.
She was an evil bully.

@Heartbrokenstill sending you a nice warm
cup of tea and a hug.
My memories of people being cruel are more related to secondary school bullying. It's taken me a long time to see it as 'being bullied' because I did have a decent group of friends - but was relentlessly bullied by 'the cool kids.'
There was one 'cool' girl who lived backing onto my house, so our gardens were back to back. As young kids we were friends, went to the local brownies together etc. Anyway as teenagers we grew apart and she joined the cool kids at secondary school whereas I was fairly goofy, clever, tall, but not and never 'cool!'

There was one dreadful summer where she took to sitting on her shed roof (!) in her garden overlooking mine, with about 5 of the other 'cool kids' and I felt completely belittled for just existing! Looking back it was such odd behaviour, all of them sat there on her mum's (completely normal potting) shed roof on a blanket.

In the end my mum had to ask her mum to get them to stop sitting on there and peering into our garden.

I think we were 15 or so when I was in a school PE lesson, possibly cricket or rounders, and I was given the bat. This same girl turned around and said 'I bet that's the first time you've ever held anything long and hard in your life.'
I have absolutely never forgotten her saying that, and the others laughing.
She's probably a very successful adult now who would be mortified to remember that!

Luckily I had a great uni experience, fantastic social life and still have wonderful friends from uni, then some amazing colleagues at work and lovely fellow mums through having my 2 DCs, but I've never forgotten that one cruel thing!

@FTMF30. It's daft isn't it! It's the silly little things that make such a big deal to you when you are a very young child! I remember everything about it as I was so looking forward in my own quiet way to go up and see my grandmother ! I even remember it was snowing so it made it more christmassy.. I also remember my mum asking what was up with me on the way home.. Its nothing major but I remember it after all these years.. Daft isn't it?

Never told anyone this either - 15 years ago I was divorcing my ex husband and he said some extremely nasty things to me and threatened me. I rang a friend, who I thought was a good friend who I had always been there for, crying my eyes out and was told by her she had her own family and life and to stop bothering her with mine.... I haven’t seen her since but it still hurts

So many horrible words and actions, I'm sorry for all of you

My mum was a very difficult person. As a young child, my hair used to get really knotty, looking back it was probably because my I used to love my dad rubbing my wet hair with a towel until my head wobbled! Despite being far too little to brush my own hair, she blamed me and one day took me to the hairdresser where I was forced to have a short back and sides. I can still remember the humiliation, and think that was the beginning of the end of any love I had for her.

The final nail in our relationship was probably when, in my 40s, she was criticising me for something I'd apparently done as a child (I was a quiet, polite child who did ok at school so no idea why she was so fixated on me being bad). I plucked up the courage to ask her why she never said anything positive about me as a child. Her response:

"There nothing positive to say..."

She's dead now. Three overriding emotion was relief.

THE overriding emotion

At the end of Middle School a ‘friend’ told me there was period blood on my skirt when there wasn’t. It’s stuck with me a gazillion years later. It’s like as young as we were, she knew how to tap into our biggest fears.

My 'grandmother' was an arse hole too. I barely saw her thank God. My Mam was on the bones of her arse when she was a single parent because she had to divorce our horribly abusive bio father. She turned to her mam (My grandmother) who gave her 2 tins of Kwik Save beans and a bag of potatoes for us 3 kids. As early birthday presents.

She was absolutely minted and used to buy organic chickens to roast for her terrier every single day 😂😂 It is no surprise that my mum died young after battling horrific mental health issues.

I understand how such things stay in one's mind. I remember my grandmother telling me to 'shut my gob' when I was small. She wasn't someone who spoke like that normally, she and I were alone in the room and she was being nasty.

Thankfully most grandmas are nice.

I have read every single one of your posts xxxxx and really feel for every single one of you xxxx we were only little girls/boys weren't we? If anything.. It makes you so aware that being kind to children (and anyone) is so important.. I would hate to think I ever said, (even in anger) anything that would make anyone feel sad or upset!

These stories are heartbreaking. I hope it helps to share them and realise you are not alone.

It’s weird how certain unkind acts can stay with you. I remember I’d not long started a new job (I was youngish at 24 and hadn’t had a lot of work experience, as I’d gone to Uni). Anyway there was a leaving do in the boardroom and I went along with my manager and some of my team and a woman from a different team came over to speak to us. She was heavily pregnant and people were cooing over her bump. To make conversation I asked her if she knew what she was having. She looked me straight in the eyes and said archly “I’m having a baby.” Everyone tittered in that half embarrassed way but I was absolutely devastated by how humiliated she made me feel.
The worst part was everyone used to go on about what a lovely person she was Maybe she was but just took against me.

I had very poor bladder control as a child; in a school assembly when I was about five or six, I put my hand up and asked to be excused. The teacher running assembly said "What a rude little girl to ask to go to the toilet when we're just about to sing a hymn to Our Lady! Isn't she a rude little girl?" And the whole infant school dutifully chimed in. I have never forgotten or forgiven!

Mine is sort of in reverse, I remember being a young child and was very upset about something and angrily pulling my DM hair and she burst into tears, I was only about 5 or 6 but I can remember her face and how upset she was with terrible pangs of guilt, I dont even know why I reacted that way, just ther shocked reaction and the pain I caused her. I am now 55 and my lovely DM is sadly no longer around. We were like best friends in later years, played bridge together 3 times a week and laughed all the time, so its not like that moment defined our relationship but its very painful remembering what I did to my lovely mum.

My Aunt adored my younger dsis.
She didn't like me very much. Some holidays we had to stay at her house as dm worked.
One day we were on the bus coming home from the shops. She told my dsis , who was about 7, that she was really pretty.
She looked at 10 year old me and grudgingly remarked you're not pretty but you're attractive and it will last you longer.
Of course 10 year old me just wanted to be pretty but tbf she was right.

Shall we have a shag for old times sakes?

Said my rapist when he bumped into me.

I was a shy, reserved 11 year old, just moved up to senior school where I didn't know anyone, and was finding it difficult making friends.
I walked up to a group of girls at break and one said, "Here comes Standard, as gormless as ever".

A kid shouted 'ugly' at me in the street when I was 11. I spent all my following teen years in deep self-loathing and shame at how ugly I was. It reduced me to nothing.

I was called names such as 'little snot' when growing up..I asked my teacher in one also to guess what I was having for Christmas..she replied 'a new brain?' it was the 80s, if it makes any difference!

At secondary school a boy in my class did a score chart of all the girls. I can’t remember how I got to see it but I did. Turns out I was the ugliest girl in the class.

I always knew I wasn’t attractive, even as a young child, but seeing it written down really stung and I’ve never forgotten it.

My biological father's mother told me I was too ugly to be his daughter.

My adoptive father used to call me dumbo, and sing 'where'd you get them ears' on account of my big ears.

All my life I have suffered low confidence and struggle with my look and believing I am ugly. I've grown in to my ears though