To not christen my son

[justlonelystars]

Posted here for traffic!

My DH is catholic and I am an atheist. Although we’ve agreed to raise our DS to make his own mind up about religion my DH would like to christen our DS (catholic christening) for two reasons

1. It would mean a lot to him and his family
2. There is a v prestigious catholic school near our house and being christened might help DS chances to get in to this school

Now here’s my issue - and I mean no offence to anyone here who is catholic. I bloody hate the Catholic Church and everything it stands for. But I’m worried that I am indulging my own prejudices and opinions at the expense of opportunities for my DS (e.g. the school).

So as not to massively drip feed, my DH is not a practising catholic, hasn’t stepped foot in a church since I met him, but believes in god and identifies as catholic. He is pretty laid back and agreed to a non religious ceremony for our wedding and would also let me have my own way on the christening (or lack of). However, it’s the issue above that’s worrying me - am I letting my own opinions get in the way of what’s best for DS?

AIBU - yes christen him
AINBU - nah don’t do it!

No to religious brainwashing of kids - let them decide when they are old enough. This applies regardless of faith in my view.

If you hate the Catholic Church so much would you send your son to the prestigious catholic school?
If not don't bother.
If you are planning to then do.

Prestigious Catholic school won't just be looking for a christening. They will also want church attendance. Commitment. The criteria should be in their website/local authority website.

Its completely hypocritical for an atheist and a non church goer to christen their child surely - at the christening both parents and godparents promise to bring the child up within the church, and make promises to a diety that you (and I) don't believe exists.

On the other hand there are millions of cultural catholics (as there are with other nominally religious based cultural identities) and you could look at it as cultural especially with the extended family...

So yanbu, but if its about culture rather than cynically about getting into a school who's ethos you're lying about being in accordance with, then your DH isn't either.

Why would you even consider sending your child to a Catholic school if you are an atheist ...........how would you cope with him being taught everything from a Catholic viewpoint?

If your husband isn't a practising Catholic would he want to start attending again to get a school place and would he expect you to with him?
How would you feel about attending all of the school events around the religious holy days?

Is it just the Catholic Church that you hate or all Christianity? Or all organised religion?

How did you grow up? You sound almost sectarian, which is it the same thing as atheism.

@Forestdweller11

Prestigious Catholic school won't just be looking for a christening. They will also want church attendance. Commitment. The criteria should be in their website/local authority website.

Yes, exactly. The days are long gone when evidence of baptism is all that was required. (Though do check the criteria, obviously, though it would seem odd that you would be considering a Catholic school, given your feelings about Catholicism.)

If you are (somehow) ok with your child potentially attending this school, make sure your DH knows it’s all on him. He has to organise baptism, attend mass weekly with your child as a minimum etc.

I didn't christen my DC's and they did go to the local Catholic school, but I had to pay! Pleased to report they both came out with a healthy disregard for religion.

Aah sorry missed where you said you would.
Then yes get him christened. It's wrong but you know that anyway.
Our school absolutely will not take a child that not been christened theoretically could be a different religion, but they must have a faith. To be honest the amount of children they take from different faiths is small.
It's also a well regarded catholic school. You need to find out how religious the school near you is because you will find it hard if it's very focused on the church. They do vary. My daughters catholic ex convent grammar is very very holy the primary less so but lots of prayer (4 times a day)

What pp said. If the school is oversubscribed then you'll need a recommendation from the priest probably conditional on attendance at Mass over a certain period of time so you'd have to be up for that as well.

The christening itself I wouldn't care either way. I'm not religious but a christening to make relatives happy and as a nice family event to welcome the baby I'd be fine with. If you hate the catholic church though I'm not sure why you'd want to send your son to an exclusively catholic school.

I'm not a Catholic, but I don't think the reasons your DH has for christening are the reasons christening is supposed to happen. I suspect that either you, or your DH, or both, would need to make commitments in a christening service that it sounds like you would not be keeping. For me, that would be enough reason not to do it, but I'm old-fashioned that way.

A christening is a much more overtly religious ceremony than a wedding. You will need to say things you explicitly don't believe in, unlike in a wedding where you can just nod along.

I know the CofE offers a 'thanksgiving' service, which is sort of a low-key ceremony for parents who want to give thanks to God for their child but who reject the idea of infant baptism. I don't know whether the Catholic Church offers this and whether that might be an acceptable compromise.

I had the same issue.
Yanbu.

Leaving it for our child to decide when they were older was a stance I stood firmly on.
I'm not denying their right to choose to be christened at a later date, and I'm not forcing something onto them they might not want for my own personal reasons/beliefs.

My son goes to a Catholic secondary school and went to a Catholic primary school contrary to what Mumsnet beleive his school didnt brain wash him and he's decided he is in fact Atheist ,oh and we didn't need to attend church regularly or show commitment ,just a Baptismal certificate was enough ,the local CE school however is a different matter with pleanty of parents finding their faith in year five ,and regularly attending church with their year five kids untill place confirmed in year six.

Take the school issue off the table, as your ds is presumably very young, and you can think about and discuss your son's education at a later date.

If a Catholic christening would mean a great deal to your DH and your extended family, then why not consider that?

Our school absolutely will not take a child that not been christened

Insane that this is allowed in the 21st Century.

A christening is a much more overtly religious ceremony than a wedding. You will need to say things you explicitly don't believe in,

Why would she need to? Can the father not make the promises?

IMHO, the Catholic Church is just one organisation. What makes the other religions better than the Catholics? I am saddened when I read such comments because all the religious in my family have been totally committed to and deeply immersed in their calling. I would point out that the opportunities for working in the social work field so many years ago were often via the religious order route. I am reliably informed that the world is different today because the government picks up the bill. I sound like an apologist but I am not blind to the faults - both historical and now.

But certainly in Australia, dd was asked for a reference from the parish priest. Commitment is usually required for entry these days.

Did you get married in church? Is you marriage recognised in the catholic church? My DH and I are in a mixed faith marriage (anglican and atheist) but it was decided long before we got married that our child would be baptised (christened). It means nothing to the atheist who by definition doesn't believe in a higher power but a lot to the person who has faith. Catholics believe a person needs to be baptised to go to heaven, that's a huge deal if you believe in that kind of thing. Not baptising our child would be really painful to the person of faith.

The christening I wouldn't care about, it's not a contract, but no way would my child be going to a religious school.

I wouldn't.

DC has two parents.

It's pretty clear that DC will not be raised in the faith, by agreement between the two of you, and that's the big issue sorted.

I'd have the christening. From your pov it's meaningless, but it matters to your DH. And even though you say you hate it, you managed to hold your nose and marry a catholic so know they're not all cloven-hoofed or whatever.

Don't do it. Let the child choose for themselves, if you have them christened then they will always be marked down as Catholic even if they are an atheist later. Completely unfair to label them with religion before they even have the capacity for choice.

As for the Catholic school, they're only better because they're allowed to be selective. Religious schools shouldnt be a thing as far as I'm concerned, religion and schools shouldn't mix or have the right to be selective despite being state options.

Catholics believe a person needs to be baptised to go to heaven,

That in itself is pretty sick. Goodness forbid a child passes away before choosing to be baptised .