To not christen my son

[justlonelystars]

Posted here for traffic!

My DH is catholic and I am an atheist. Although we’ve agreed to raise our DS to make his own mind up about religion my DH would like to christen our DS (catholic christening) for two reasons

1. It would mean a lot to him and his family
2. There is a v prestigious catholic school near our house and being christened might help DS chances to get in to this school

Now here’s my issue - and I mean no offence to anyone here who is catholic. I bloody hate the Catholic Church and everything it stands for. But I’m worried that I am indulging my own prejudices and opinions at the expense of opportunities for my DS (e.g. the school).

So as not to massively drip feed, my DH is not a practising catholic, hasn’t stepped foot in a church since I met him, but believes in god and identifies as catholic. He is pretty laid back and agreed to a non religious ceremony for our wedding and would also let me have my own way on the christening (or lack of). However, it’s the issue above that’s worrying me - am I letting my own opinions get in the way of what’s best for DS?

AIBU - yes christen him
AINBU - nah don’t do it!

@Piglet89 As well as these promises, there's also:
In asking for your child to be baptized, you are accepting the responsibility of bringing them up as a Christian. Will you help them to keep God’s commandments by loving God and neighbour as Christ has taught us, and will you pray for them and draw them by your own example into the community of faith?

You married a catholic and both points 1 and 2 are important. I think you are being unreasonable and unrealistic about what this means to your husband and his family.

I am also an atheist married to a catholic.

Thanks @warmeduppizza I haven’t had cause to look at what I hypothetically would be promising as I’m not a complete hypocrite.

Not directed at you, more at op, if she decided to go ahead with the baptism.

No worries @Piglet89

I'm an atheist, husband is non Practising catholic. This exact scenario came up when we had ds. I put my foot down and said he can choose his own path. Asked husband why he was so desperate for him to be catholic since he wasn't interested and he couldn't really give me much of an answer apart from that's all he knows and that's how he was educated.

I've come to the conclusion that it's the religious teachings that instilled this fear in him that his children and family must be christened into the Catholic Church.

They're not, ds attends non denominational school as will dd. Neither are christened as they can choose their own path.

@Gettingonwithlife

Catholic and proud it’s a very good guide through life and being part of a family. I have not had an easy life and my faith is a comfort. Being educated in a religion is in my view a positive thing, having no religion is a great shame.

It wasn't a positive thing for me.

@Gettingonwithlife

Catholic and proud it’s a very good guide through life and being part of a family. I have not had an easy life and my faith is a comfort. Being educated in a religion is in my view a positive thing, having no religion is a great shame.

Growing up in a religious household was very damaging for me and my siblings.

Shame and religion go hand in hand.

Honestly? Don’t do it! I am catholic but never went to church or anything. Had my first baby and christened him, I have no idea why, it was just the done thing I suppose. Went on to have 3 more kids and I didn’t christen anyone of them and I’m so sorry I christened my first! They all go to a good catholic school and I don’t mind them taking part in religion classes but they will never make their communion or confirmation. I never should have got my first christened as it just raised questions as to why they weren’t all the same and like you, I despise everything the Catholic Church stands for. If I could unchristian my first, i would!!! The catholic school will need a certain amount children that are a different religion so I wouldn’t worry about your child not getting in, they have to be seen to be being diverse!

Blimey people get hot under the collar about this topic.

I can’t see any reason not to Christian him if it’s important to your partner. If it’s a good school your partner will probably also have to take your child to church fairly regularly and enrol him in catechism. If it’s significantly the best school locally I would personally suck it up...

@Princessbanana

Honestly? Don’t do it! I am catholic but never went to church or anything. Had my first baby and christened him, I have no idea why, it was just the done thing I suppose. Went on to have 3 more kids and I didn’t christen anyone of them and I’m so sorry I christened my first! They all go to a good catholic school and I don’t mind them taking part in religion classes but they will never make their communion or confirmation. I never should have got my first christened as it just raised questions as to why they weren’t all the same and like you, I despise everything the Catholic Church stands for. If I could unchristian my first, i would!!! The catholic school will need a certain amount children that are a different religion so I wouldn’t worry about your child not getting in, they have to be seen to be being diverse!

No they won’t. They can prioritise Catholic kids, followed by Christian non-Catholics if there are spare places, followed by anyone else.

It’s practically a national pastime in Australia to get your child christened Catholic and then go to church for a few years so you can get a letter of recommendation from the priest. This gives your child access to the Catholic school system which is not a state school and therefore of course MUST be better and it’s cheaper than other private schools! Then once they’re in you stop going to church and never darken the door again apart from weddings and funerals until your child has their own kids and starts the whole process again.

This is literally how the Catholic Church is propping up its numbers in Australia, by pandering to middle class fears about their kids going to state schools.

No I wouldn’t do it because I’m neither Catholic nor a hypocrite.

Personally if you are an atheist I would be tempted to do it, as a nice gesture for DH and to give more schooling options, as if you don't believe it really is just a drizzle of water and a party. However, that being said if your opinions against the Catholic church are that strong it isn't that straightforward. I would weigh up if it's worth the battle if you aren't too fussed!

I don’t believe in religious rituals, but I still believe that rituals have meaning. A religious ritual should only be done for a fully consenting adult. It’s about respecting your child’s right to make his own decisions.

Well considering you are atheist and your partner in non practicing, it would be very hypocritical of you both to have your child christened.
To get him into a certain school is just ridiculous.
Not like anyone will take him to church every Sunday.
Both my parents were raised Catholic. As far as I know they both still believe, well my mum does, but neither practice and haven't since they were very young. I'm so glad they didn't force that on us growing up.

@Princessbanana

Honestly? Don’t do it! I am catholic but never went to church or anything. Had my first baby and christened him, I have no idea why, it was just the done thing I suppose. Went on to have 3 more kids and I didn’t christen anyone of them and I’m so sorry I christened my first! They all go to a good catholic school and I don’t mind them taking part in religion classes but they will never make their communion or confirmation. I never should have got my first christened as it just raised questions as to why they weren’t all the same and like you, I despise everything the Catholic Church stands for. If I could unchristian my first, i would!!! The catholic school will need a certain amount children that are a different religion so I wouldn’t worry about your child not getting in, they have to be seen to be being diverse!

You despise the Catholic Church but your children go to Catholic school

I know @Iminaglasscaseofemotion incredibly hard to comprehend, isn’t it?

Having a child christened is going to have far less impact in his life than sending him to a Catholic school. So much if the day is centred around worship, that would be madness.

But also, to clarify an early misunderstanding, Lumen Gentium from Vatican II, stated:
“Those who, through no fault of their own, do not know the Gospel of Christ or his Church, but who nevertheless seek God with a sincere heart, and, moved by grace, try in their actions to do his will as they know it through the dictates of their conscience – those too may achieve eternal salvation”

But seriously, op, choosing the Catholic school will be a mistake for you.

Having a christening to get a child into a school, where neither of you is other than nominally religious, to me is wrong. There are too many people who 'rediscover' their faith and attend church, only to lose it once their child is in secondary school.

Don't be those parents.

@Gettingonwithlife

Could you expand on why you think "having no religion is a great shame"?

So much of the day is centred around worship? Utter poppy cock even in my very religious convent primary school in the 70,s and 80,s run by nuns we had one quick prayer in the morning ,grace at lunch and one quick prayer before home ,the rest of the time was spent doing lessons ,,play times etc just like any other school 🙄

@x2boys

So much of the day is centred around worship? Utter poppy cock even in my very religious convent primary school in the 70,s and 80,s run by nuns we had one quick prayer in the morning ,grace at lunch and one quick prayer before home ,the rest of the time was spent doing lessons ,,play times etc just like any other school 🙄

Gosh it is so good you have insider knowledge of how Catholic schools are run on a day-to-day basis, as you attended one in the 1960’s. Praise the Lord for this insider up-to-date knowledge!

And also, you've literally described a day centred around worship. Prayer is worship. Praying three times a day at set times and the rest of the day follows from that is a day centred around worship. There will also be religious themed assemblies, and RE, mainly Christian, almost if not every day.

Yeah my 14 year old is in year nine in a Catholic school and also went to a Catholic primary school so I feel I do have more up to date knowledge than you @seahorseorami who seems to think Catholic schools are still stuck in the 80,s 🙄

Catholic school won't brainwash or in doctrinate your child.
Everything is not taught fron RC point of view, they don't really have a view on verbs or nouns, or fractions.
RC don't believe you have to be baptised to go to heaven.

This is very interesting.

My mum was raised Catholic and is still practising. My dad is an atheist, although I believe his abusive Dad took them all to church on a Sunday in their Sunday best to keep up the facade of a good family man.

My brothers and I were christened, went to a catholic primary school and taken to church everyday Sunday. We did first confession & first communion, although my brother was confirmed and I wasn’t (we moved abroad and my mum didn’t want me to do it in a different parish, but then we moved back to a different area). Despite my very religious upbringing I still got to choose once I was old enough that I didn’t want to go to church and I wasn’t confirmed. My partner was also raised catholic but also decided for himself he wasn’t a believer. Our DD has not been christened, and I don’t intend to, it’d be a big lie.

DP’s brother & SIL baptised their 2 children in a CofE ceremony, purely because of the schools my DN could get into. They went to church for a few weeks, christened the kids, and then never been again. So hypocritical!