To not christen my son

[justlonelystars]

Posted here for traffic!

My DH is catholic and I am an atheist. Although we’ve agreed to raise our DS to make his own mind up about religion my DH would like to christen our DS (catholic christening) for two reasons

1. It would mean a lot to him and his family
2. There is a v prestigious catholic school near our house and being christened might help DS chances to get in to this school

Now here’s my issue - and I mean no offence to anyone here who is catholic. I bloody hate the Catholic Church and everything it stands for. But I’m worried that I am indulging my own prejudices and opinions at the expense of opportunities for my DS (e.g. the school).

So as not to massively drip feed, my DH is not a practising catholic, hasn’t stepped foot in a church since I met him, but believes in god and identifies as catholic. He is pretty laid back and agreed to a non religious ceremony for our wedding and would also let me have my own way on the christening (or lack of). However, it’s the issue above that’s worrying me - am I letting my own opinions get in the way of what’s best for DS?

AIBU - yes christen him
AINBU - nah don’t do it!

@BashfulClam

I disagree with faith schools. The government provides schools for education and religion should be separate to education (RE should be used to help people understand all religions). I hate this thing that at 5 children are told they are different and go to different schools. I went to the local non denomination but sobdvfruebds went to the local Catholic school. It just baffles me that this goes on.

You realise that ALL religions ARE taught in Catholic schools don't you? Or are you just ASSUMING that because it's a catholic school that they aren't? DD is in reception at a Catholic primary school and they celebrated Divali and Hanukkah in the first term

I'd be interested to know if Islamic schools are also teaching a wide curricular of other faiths though??

Indeed @ivfbeenbusy a lot of posters really don't get that Catholic school,s have moved on since the 80,s and have very outdated views ,they have to follow the national curriculum too.

GCSE Religious studies may be compulsory and not an option at some faith schools.

My DS did GCSE Religious studies but picked it as an option at a non faith school.
SD had to do GCSE Religious Studies as it was mandatory at her faith school.

The schools can pick the exam board that they wish to use for the subject so that can mean there is a vast difference in modules from one school to another. It also means that a faith school could pick an exam board which had a more Christian focus.

DS studies things like the Rwandan genocide and religion and ethics.
SDD studied the Gospel of St Paul and salvation in Christianity.

*more Christian focused modules

Your child can still decide what he believes when he is older whether is baptised or not.
You can tell you child your view on God and your husband can tell his.
I think if your husband compromised on the wedding then perhaps you should compromise on this. If you don't believe in it then I wouldn't get too worked up.
The sins of the past should not be put on today's shoulders. Church did many things in the past that were very wrong (most not based on Jesus' teaching but on views of humans who were in the church for the wrong reasons) but they acknowledge that and things are very different now.

@x2boys
Some catholic schools have moved on but not all, I finished in the 00's so am not ancient. I know some staff/parents/pupils in the schools I attended, they are still attended and taught in by relatives of mine.
Yes they teach that other religions exist as part of RE class, but they do not celebrate or acknowledge festivals from other religions.
They have their knickers in a twist about children missing out on sacraments during lockdown.

Like @unmarkedbythat I agree that the concept of children being born full of sin hideous and repellent and damaging.

They definitely banged on a lot about sins, and how Mary was conceived without sin unlike all of us.

There were some very kind individual teachers but overall the experience was an overload of catholicism and any questioning was met with woolly answers about God's will and questions about why couldn't women be priests were met with 'play an active role in your church and love that role'.
Offensive views such as an abortion being an added trauma for someone who was pregnant as a result of rape were repeated often.

To the OP @justlonelystars baptising a child does not equal letting them choose for thenselves. If you truly want to give them the choice let them decide. The catholic church (like many others) would prefer to indoctrinate life members.

As an aside I thought the teaching on not going to heaven if you weren't baptised had changed.

Catholic and proud it’s a very good guide through life and being part of a family. I have not had an easy life and my faith is a comfort. Being educated in a religion is in my view a positive thing, having no religion is a great shame.

Christen him or don't christen him, but for gawd's sake, don't send him to a catholic school if you "bloody hate the Catholic Church and everything it stands for"
Catholic schools tend to be quite full on in their teachings in my experience - you've got to be prepared to go with it.

having no religion is a great shame

Honestly, it's not. It's really not. Just as I respect the positive role religion plays in your life and am glad it has been a comfort for you, it would be nice if you could respect a life lived free of religion and appreciate that most of us who lack belief do not lack morals and happiness.

No you can’t morally christen your child into a church just for the potential of a school place in years to come.

You may move, you might split up, you might win the lottery and send him to private school!

If it doesn’t feel right to do it then that’s all you need to know.

@unmarkedbythat

having no religion is a great shame

Honestly, it's not. It's really not. Just as I respect the positive role religion plays in your life and am glad it has been a comfort for you, it would be nice if you could respect a life lived free of religion and appreciate that most of us who lack belief do not lack morals and happiness.

100% Agree.

As an agnostic former Catholic I think it would be insanely hypocritical for you to hate the church as much as you do and then send you kid to a Catholic school.

And please don't kid yourself, a Catholic school is a Catholic school, doesn't matter how modern they seem.

Oh and don't baptise them either. Honestly why bother if you're not practising Catholics

@Gettingonwithlife

Catholic and proud it’s a very good guide through life and being part of a family. I have not had an easy life and my faith is a comfort. Being educated in a religion is in my view a positive thing, having no religion is a great shame.

To you. To many religion is a poison in society, especially when the state and church still will not be separated, leading us to have such a ridiculous system as what nonsensical belief you hold means having access to a 'better' education.

I dont care what personal beliefs people hold. I do get angry when personal beliefs, utterly intangible and unproven beliefs, are stamped on the rest of society, especially when it involves children. It's highly inappropriate.

Once you're labelled a Catholic, you're one for life.

HH 💚💚

I certainly didn’t mean to offend anyone. It’s personal to everyone. Having a religion does not in any way make you a better person than someone who doesn’t.

Honestly I'd do it, I'm a pretty lapsed Catholic but its important to my parents so I do it for them.

I'm also 99.95% that there is nothing there but just in case I'm wrong and the worst happened, I think I'd be glad I did it...

@Gettingonwithlife

I certainly didn’t mean to offend anyone. It’s personal to everyone. Having a religion does not in any way make you a better person than someone who doesn’t.

Lmao, you didn't mean to offend anyone but having no religion is "a great shame". Right.

I trust you will not find yourself able to send your child to any Catholic school- regardless of what you may consider its 'prestige'.

But if you are going to try- start attending classes to convert now.

@ParkheadParadise

Once you're labelled a Catholic, you're one for life.

HH 💚💚

YNWA.

Or maybe I'm getting confused with another 'religion'.

A Christening is a Holy Sacrament (as is marriage). It's not a way to get your kid into a good school. It's funny how people are all "I hate the Catholic church" until they want to get their kid into one of their schools. Would you pretend to be Muslim or Jewish if the local Muslim or Jewish school was the best one?
I think it's really grabby to even consider a baptism for the wrong reasons. Why would you deprive another child of their school place by misleading the school like this? In this Covid time, why would you deprive another family of being able to baptize their child by taking up a space at the church?
Abominable attitude.

Why would you deprive another child of their school place by misleading the school like this?

No child should be getting a school place based on how religious they are to start with! What an utterly backwards way for our education system to be working . There could well be a few Catholic children that will miss out on a place in an 'amazing school' because non-Catholic children live much closer, or already have a sibling at the school. Should they literally move over to make room for Noah, the child who's parents never missed a Mass? It's absolutely bull, the sooner state religious schools are eradicated the better. Then people like the OP will leave christenings for 'proper christians' as well, I'm sure.

@Butchyrestingface
💚💚💚

Lapsed Catholic here. @NotWithMyShoes : no - born parents and the godparents must make certain promises. Here they are (or, at least, the ones from the renewal of baptismal vows, which happens every Easter).

V. Do you renounce Satan?
R. I do.

V. And all his works?
R. I do.

V. And all his empty show?
R. I do.

OR:

V. Do you renounce sin,
so as to live in the freedom of the children of God?
R. I do.

V. Do you renounce the lure of evil,
so that sin may have no mastery over you?
R. I do.

V. Do you renounce Satan,
the author and prince of sin?
R. I do.

V. Do you believe in God,
the Father Almighty,
Creator of heaven and earth?
R. I do.

V. Do you believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,
who was born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered death and was buried,
rose again from the dead
and is seated at the right hand of the Father?
R. I do.

V. Do you believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy Catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting?
R. I do.

V. And may almighty God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who has given us new birth by water and the Holy Spirit
and bestowed on us forgiveness of our sins,
keep us by his grace,
in Christ Jesus our Lord,
for eternal life.
R. Amen.

HTH.

both parents.

It’s one of the most “old fashioned” of all the ceremonies in terms of what you have to promise. Hardcore, anti-Satan stuff.