I'm i being screwed over - family finances?

[ArnoldBee]

So hubby owes me £50k for various reasons over the past 10 years.

Since covid we've arranged our finances differently. My £2k income pays all the bills. Hubby's income £1.5k pays for other stuff ie holidays, takeaways, new fencing and maybe a new kitchen if I'm lucky.

Am I still £50k down if this is how things continue? Previously we would pay half each towards these things.

Well yes; if it wasn’t for the 50k that’d be a fair way of doing it but at the moment you’re both spending all your income and not getting anything back.

If that was £50k in savings, can't he stop paying for holidays and kitchens and start putting money back into your savings account? So you cover the bills, he covers the savings.

Surely its better to split the bills 50-50 then allocate the remaining money.
All your partners expenditure is on the nice to do stuff not the necessary stuff, what if you want to go away on a hen night- who pays.

And yes you are still dow £50k

I wouldn't like that arrangement. It feels like he's constantly 'treating' you. When actually, he's just making up for the bills he's not paying.

Plus, even if he stops buys treats and starts repaying your £50k... you're still covering all the bills. If you really wanted to be fair about it, he should be paying half the bills and paying you back for the £50k. And you would have the choice of whether to treat the family to a takeaway or not.

£50k is a huge amount to owe someone. Is it realistic to expect him to pay it all back?

What does he owe you fifty grand for?

Well yes - he should be paying his half of the bills/day to day stuff and reimbursing what he owes you.

The situation you describe at the moment is just how the bills/day to day are being split - doesn't seem to me that he's paying anything back at all.

So your money is for the bills and his is the ‘fun money’.

That doesn’t sound at all fair.

What does he owe you £50k for?

Yes you are.

According to recent threads, mainly related to inheritance, what's his is yours and vice versa sonic you're married, there's no owing money to your spouse.

Yeah, it really depends on why he owes you the 50 grand - clearly he makes less than you.

If he owes you money because he was made redundant and had a period of being unemployment and you still expected him to pay half the bills that’s quite different from him owing you money because he spent it on gambling and ski holidays with the boys.

He does your hubby owe you &50k?

Don't you just put all your money in one pot?

What was in your marriage vows?

I don't really get how spouses can be in debt to each other, if you divorced you wouldn't get your 50k back I dont think?

You are married so not sure how you have separate finances from a legal perspective

We need more info op.

Technically, my exhusband could say - my dw owes me £xk because I've paid for everything for x years. Well yes, he did. Because I did all the childcare and hw. But we were a family, so nobody owed anybody anything.

Depends if he gambled it away or spent it on something useful that everyone uses.
How does he owe you that money?

Instead of him paying fun stuff and you paying the boring stuff, why don't you put it all together and share the costs? Any left over can go towards paying you back I suppose, but why does he owe you 50k?

Well quite it is a lot of money which has built up over the years. I'm caught between letting it go as it will never happen and actually I'm very frugal so why should I pay for all his shiny things that he's bought for his own personal benefit? I wanted to learn to dive and buy all the equipment too but I couldn't afford to.

My DH owes me money from some money he borrowed before we got married and he pays me a set amount a month to pay it back; if we were to split up I’d have to trust that he would pay it back but I knew that when I lent the money to him. Just because we got married doesn’t mean that I just wipe out the fact that he owes me that money

And for those that are asking about separate finances it was what he wanted even though I wanted a joint pot. Given the fact we both have children from.previous relationships that hasn't necessarily been a bad thing.

If you say you have a joint pot how do you even see it as he owes you?
Or is it that he has spent more than you and that's been your share and you now think it's unfair?

Does you dh know he owes you £50k or are you just feeling resentful about it?

If you pay the bills and buys the food etc sound like he should be giving you his full salary and accepting he has no spare cash. Yet you do.

The fairest way op, is to put it all in a joint pot, pay all bills from it, then split the remainder 50/50. You spend yours on what you like and your dc, he spends his on what he likes and his dc.

The joint pot was my original plan.
He lost his job due to covid hence we re-cut how the finances were dealt with so all the bills were covered with my income whilst we got through it. Also to maximise our income I paid off his debts as our expenses would have exceeded our income.
I am pissed off as there's loads of shiny things I could have spent that money on but didn't.

Usually married people wouldn't owe each other as assets are shared. Can you say more about why you consider the 50k yours? And what it was spent on? But both partners need to agree spending priorities and have the ability to buy for wants as well as needs if the budget allows.

And hubby knows as I wrote him a lovely list and he acknowledged it.