Page 18 | AIBU to think DD’s taken this a step too far?

usernamenotavailible · 2021-01-29T00:22:12+00:00

DH’s birthday is coming up. DD16 just sent me a screenshot of a t-shirt she’s bought him (picture attached). DD is very PC and is big on inclusion, DH is very much not. Won’t add my personal views as I don’t want to influence anyone else, but I’m somewhere in between. AIBU to think DD shouldn’t have bought this and should I do anything?

Lemonyfuckit · 29/01/2021 13:59

I'm of the view that a birthday present for someone you care about should be something you think they'll like, and so it's quite unpleasant to get them a passive aggressive present that they won't appreciate (although my view may be coloured here by the fact I ascribe to the general MM school of feminism on this particular issue). Either way, as you say, if her intention is to try and persuade him to think differently on the subject, it's a completely ineffective way of doing that.

Mmn654123 · 29/01/2021 14:02

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

If the OP’s dd was challenging DH over perhaps being racist this thread would have gone in a completely different direction. Probably because most of the pp’s on this post could do with this T-shirt themselves. And then they are so shocked when MN is called transphobic

I imagine that, if white people were demanding to be recognised as black, and then aggressively insisting that all facilities and services for black people were opened to them, the MN reaction would be pretty negative.

Agreed.

I’d definitely say she was being rude if she bought him a ‘some white people are black people - get over it!’ t shirt.

Because.....they aren’t.

FamilyOfAliens · 29/01/2021 14:04

I love t-shirts like this - but you need to be able to wear them.

I am flabbergasted that someone would “love” a t-shirt with a cringey virtue-signalling slogan and likely mass-produced in a sweatshop.

I’m intrigued - what is it you “love” about it?

toocold54 · 29/01/2021 14:09

I am flabbergasted that someone would “love” a t-shirt with a cringey virtue-signalling slogan and likely mass-produced in a sweatshop.

I love how it affects people like you, who get their knickers in a twist over someone daring to have an opinion.

I remember a guy walking around with a ‘feminist’ t-shirt and the looks from some of the men!
They didn’t say anything because he was huge but you could see their pink faces getting red with anger - how dare a man think that women should have equal rights!

Danni91 · 29/01/2021 14:15

Ugh sometimes I worry for the generation that will follow these. I think that relates a complete lack of respect for her dad and his views.

Just get him to buy her a t-shirt (to be delivered in time for his birthday) he can gift straight back to her at the same time.

Some people have different opinions, GET OVER IT!

I hope that t shirt doesnt ruin his birthday.

Im totally fine with trans folk btw. I just think pushing your personal opinions on others as the only thing thats right is gross

StiffyByng1 · 29/01/2021 14:16

She sounds hard work.

FunkBus · 29/01/2021 14:16

"I remember a guy walking around with a ‘feminist’ t-shirt and the looks from some of the men!
They didn’t say anything because he was huge but you could see their pink faces getting red with anger - how dare a man think that women should have equal rights!"

Lol, yeah, that definitely happened.

lockdownshmockdown · 29/01/2021 14:22

@toocold54

I am flabbergasted that someone would “love” a t-shirt with a cringey virtue-signalling slogan and likely mass-produced in a sweatshop.

I love how it affects people like you, who get their knickers in a twist over someone daring to have an opinion.

I remember a guy walking around with a ‘feminist’ t-shirt and the looks from some of the men!
They didn’t say anything because he was huge but you could see their pink faces getting red with anger - how dare a man think that women should have equal rights!

Didn't Happen Of The Year Award 🥇

toocold54 · 29/01/2021 14:25

Didn't Happen Of The Year Award

What makes you think it didn’t happen?

Because someone dared to wear something that made them slightly stand out instead of hiding away in the crowd.

If I said the man was wearing a trans t-shirt would you have believed it then? Because obviously people do else they wouldn’t sell them

toocold54 · 29/01/2021 14:26

@FunkBus @lockdownshmockdown

MedusasBadHairDay · 29/01/2021 14:27

I've seen a few men walking around wearing t-shirts that say "feminist" on them, but all of them have made me feel uncomfortable. None of them have struck me as an ally to women. I do remember one (in a bright pink tshirt) staring intently at everyone who passed him as though expecting a reaction, I gave him a wide berth.

lockdownshmockdown · 29/01/2021 14:28

@toocold54

Didn't Happen Of The Year Award

What makes you think it didn’t happen?

Because someone dared to wear something that made them slightly stand out instead of hiding away in the crowd.

If I said the man was wearing a trans t-shirt would you have believed it then? Because obviously people do else they wouldn’t sell them

I'm sure they wore a T-shirt. I doubt anyone gave a flying fuck.

Macncheeseballs · 29/01/2021 14:28

Styffybing, yes she should just get back on her box

Macncheeseballs · 29/01/2021 14:28

*in her box

toocold54 · 29/01/2021 14:29

I'm sure they wore a T-shirt. I doubt anyone gave a flying fuck.

Trust me there are men out there who don’t think women should have equal rights.

Just like if OPs DP loved the T-shirt and decided to wear it there would be people giving a fuck!

lockdownshmockdown · 29/01/2021 14:31

@MedusasBadHairDay

I've seen a few men walking around wearing t-shirts that say "feminist" on them, but all of them have made me feel uncomfortable. None of them have struck me as an ally to women. I do remember one (in a bright pink tshirt) staring intently at everyone who passed him as though expecting a reaction, I gave him a wide berth.

Exactly this. Expecting a reaction. It's pathetic. OP's daughter is 16 so it's forgivable and hopefully she'll look back on it and cringe. Grown men wearing "this is what a feminist looks like" T-shirts is embarrassing. Staring around looking to be challenged. No one cares about their opinions so they broadcast them on their clothes.

sadpapercourtesan · 29/01/2021 14:32

If one of my teenagers had bought that for DH I would have told them in no uncertain terms to take it back, and that I was disappointed in them.

Not because it has to do with trans people (not everything is about trans people) but because I haven't brought them up to use present-giving as a way of making digs at people or trying to "improve" them. Tell her to buy DH something that HE will enjoy, or don't bother at all.

lockdownshmockdown · 29/01/2021 14:35

@toocold54

I'm sure they wore a T-shirt. I doubt anyone gave a flying fuck.

Trust me there are men out there who don’t think women should have equal rights.

Just like if OPs DP loved the T-shirt and decided to wear it there would be people giving a fuck!

Trust you? Oh sorry I didn't realise I was supposed to trust you. Aye, very good.

Instead of broadcasting political or otherwise opinions on T-shirts to show which club they belong to, perhaps these people should grow up and learn how to converse like an adult.

nocoolnamesleft · 29/01/2021 14:35

Next birthday buy your DD a woman: adult human female T-shirt.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/01/2021 14:49

"DD is very PC and is big on inclusion, DH is very much not."
Buying someone a present should be motivated by warm feelings about them, and effort made to give them something they would like, something that would please them.

Instead, she has deliberately selected something she knows he will not like, and it is not motivated by warm feelings. I'm not entirely sure of her motivation. It could be anything from thoughtless virtue-signalling/holier-than-thou all the way through to making it abundantly clear her utter disrespect and disdain for him as a person. (And all points in-between.)

I would start a discussion with her. Ask:

what she hopes to achieve with this gift?
what reaction she expects from her dad?
what effect she expects this to have on their relationship?
how she would feel if he pulled a stunt like this on her? (Because it is a stunt.)

In my opinion, she is looking for a fight. And she won't like the inevitable outcome.

MrsMcTats · 29/01/2021 15:01

I agree with PP that a chat should be had about why she wants to do this. A birthday gift is supposed to be something the recipient likes. I'd be really disappointed if any of my DC did this and would be very clear with them that it wasn't acceptable.

gannett · 29/01/2021 15:07

It could be anything from thoughtless virtue-signalling/holier-than-thou all the way through to making it abundantly clear her utter disrespect and disdain for him as a person.

This is true. Which is why I'm surprised that more posters don't see this as a signpost of a father-daughter relationship that's already broken. This T-shirt is certainly not the first shot fired in what sounds like a fairly acrimonious relationship.

I've seen where this goes from here. Daughter is already counting down the days until she leaves for university. Once she's out of the family home you won't see her for dust. You can stamp your foot and tell her she's wrong or a spoiled brat but that is how it'll be.

And for all the people aghast that she's "forcing" her views on her poor embattled dad - that's not how it feels like growing up as a teenager in a conservative household, where the authority figures - your parents - continually dismiss and minimise your own passionately held beliefs. To her, he's been "forcing" his belief system on her all her life, and she now thinks it's wrong.

Trans rights weren't a hot topic when I was growing up but lesbian and gay rights were. By 16 I had complete contempt for my parents for their beliefs, and I only wish I'd been brave enough to throw it in their faces with a passive-aggressive T-shirt. They reaped what they sowed: I'm not straight, and they didn't see me for dust after I escaped them.

Cheeseandwin5 · 29/01/2021 15:10

@Lemonyfuckit
I'm of the view that a birthday present for someone you care about should be something you think they'll like, and so it's quite unpleasant to get them a passive aggressive present that they won't appreciate (although my view may be coloured here by the fact I ascribe to the general MM school of feminism on this particular issue). Either way, as you say, if her intention is to try and persuade him to think differently on the subject, it's a completely ineffective way of doing that

I see myself as much more liberal on the trans issues, but I totally agree. I think people are getting themselves tied up on the topic of what is written than the actual issue, which is your DD is purposely giving a gift that will upset her DF. On top of that should he not wear it or throw it away , it will than turn into an argument.
Like I said, I am supportive of trans people and the problems and discrimination they face, and in a family and whever we can we should all try to stop discrimination, but I think this is less about supporting their cause and more about upsetting her DF and causing future resentment.
I would tell her not to bother with any gift if that was her attitude and maybe to miss out on coming altogether.

wrongleverkronk · 29/01/2021 15:10

Personally I wouldn't let that in my house.

It's obnoxious.

Does she want an adult human female T-shirt?

changingmine · 29/01/2021 15:11

wow so many surly comments.

I think it's fantastic and hilarious, classic teenage mini rebellion. Dad needs to be the bigger person and see it for the clumsy teenage communication that it is.

Bless her for her passionate views, and for wanting her dad to listen and be on her world.

Will make a great family story in 10 yrs.