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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that people shouldn't have children if they can't afford them?

203 replies

ideamummy · 30/10/2007 14:44

I ask this as I'm dealing with a case at the moment of a woman who for various reasons is being charged for her health treatment. She is 21 and on her third pregnancy, she has no employment, no means of supporting these children and yet seemingly does not use contraception. It makes me so mad. We've waited three and a half years to have a second child because before that we just couldn't afford it. Why do some people think it's okay to have kids with no means to support them?

OP posts:

SmartArseCoveredinCobwebs · 30/10/2007 14:47

Can of worms, ideamummy, can of worms ...!

Why is she being charged for her health treatment, out of interest?

MascaraOHara · 30/10/2007 14:48

popcorn(?)

ellehcim · 30/10/2007 14:49

YANBU I'm not going to say more though since I don't want to be stoned with you!

SmartArseCoveredinCobwebs · 30/10/2007 14:50

Same here, ellehcim, same here!

themildmanneredaxemurderer · 30/10/2007 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paolosgirl · 30/10/2007 14:51

YANBU. Benefits are not meant to be a lifestyle choice.

SueBarooooItslikeaWarzone · 30/10/2007 14:52

very frustrating for you. But it's just one of life's injustices, I'm afraid.

MaryAnnSingletomb · 30/10/2007 14:53

YANBU from me too

ellehcim · 30/10/2007 14:54

We are all so cowardly.
Where's Cod when she's needed? Or Xenia?

binkleandflip · 30/10/2007 14:55

agree, I think on the whole it is wrong to bring a child into the world expecting someone other than the family to support that child financially.

I know lots of people love having children and feel entitled to have children and I agree it is lovely for people to experience what it is to be a parent but I think they should try and put provisions in place before the child arrives so they can care for it adequately without resorting to outside means from unrelated sources. Obviously financial circumstances can change but that's a different thing altogether.

SueBarooooItslikeaWarzone · 30/10/2007 14:57

I'm not cowardly. I sprog all over the shop, and yes, I do think it's irresponsible to have children if you point blank can't support them. But I still think there's nowt to be done about it bar having a jolly good maon.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 30/10/2007 15:00

well I do apologise for having 2 unplanned pg's when he were skint - like I really planned to nearly wreck my marriage and nearly go bankrupt at the same time .......

fawkeoff · 30/10/2007 15:00

i so understand what u mean...DPs dickhead brother is 29 years old....has no job because he is a thief has a child with a woman and doesnt even buy a bag of wipes for her and has now got his 17 year old girlfriend pregnant,she unlawfully claims benefits because he lives with her.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 30/10/2007 15:01

oh and lets not forget all those people living in the developing world. QUICK someone go and sterilise them all so that they can't breed anymore - after all the majority are poor and have no income at all (not even benefits)........

fawkeoff · 30/10/2007 15:01

i dont 100 % agree but people like DPs dick head brother need the snip

scorpio1 · 30/10/2007 15:02

all i can say is how i feel-i would love tons of kids (pg with db3, our fourth between us) but want to be able to afford them comfortably-i want them to be able to have the trainers and computer games without saying 'oh sorry i cant your sister needs shoes' or something.I am lucky that dp works full time, and that for the time i can afford to be a SAHM, and currently student.

i know women like this. They can be all ages-i am 22 and have a very different attitude to the woman in the OP-please dont all think its an age thing.

SueBarooooItslikeaWarzone · 30/10/2007 15:04

Well, exactly QoQ, there's nothing that can actually be done that isn't totalitarian crap. By all means be cheesed off by fecklessness, but there it stops.

bohemianbint · 30/10/2007 15:05

I've been thinking about this a lot this week. I got demoted and am having to sign on whilst I take employer to court and find a new job.

A lot of people I know have the choice of either:

Claim benefits
Work full time, pay for full time child care, never see their kids and be about £10 better off than if they signed on.

It's not right, but this country isn't set up to assist mothers (or fathers, but we're mainly talking about women here) back into work. I dunno what the answer is but it's far from a simple black and white situation.

EricL · 30/10/2007 15:05

We had our first as an un-planned and we struggled but we made it eventually as we both worked hard.

I can understand your concerns though as it seems to be the poorer members of our society that have really large families.

But i guess that is not the important issue. It's whether the kids are brought up properly and to be valuable members of society.

Money doesn't always guarantee this does it?

scorpio1 · 30/10/2007 15:06

Why do the poorer members of society have more children? do you think that womens careers in higher classes stop them from having as many as they want? just wondering.

bohemianbint · 30/10/2007 15:09

I'd say if you have a career, and more than one child, unless you're earning mega bucks you're screwed. If a nursery charges £40 per day per child and you have 2 kids in nursery, how many people can afford that?

LucifersLuckyUnderpants · 30/10/2007 15:09

"it seems to be the poorer members of our society that have really large families."
dont agree that this is right, what makes you say that?

scorpio1 · 30/10/2007 15:10

the tax credit system is supposed to help with childcare payments, isnt it? i know that i dont get any help for childcare when im at uni through them though. Maybe they assume a two parent working household?

binkleandflip · 30/10/2007 15:12

WHen I hear people say stuff like 'my parents brought me up with no money - we were on benefits but they did a great job' I think thats ok

When I hear someone say 'my parents had no money but they went to work and even did second jobs sometimes so they didnt have to rely on benefits' then I think that's great.

Pride used to mean something once, remember, when people were too proud to take 'handouts'? Trouble is those people were exactly the ones who were deserving of the benefits system because they strived for something better for themselves and their family and saw it as a temporary safety net as it was intended. As someone said earlier - living on benefits isnt a lifestyle choice (why would it be? ) but they are many people who are born into a reliance on it and will go on to raise their own families on it and so it goes..

And so in that situation where is the pride and the aspiration? what do those children learn exactly?

LucifersLuckyUnderpants · 30/10/2007 15:13

yes tax credits would help with nursery fees, i earn a good wage but still get tax credits to help with my nursery fees.

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