Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that people shouldn't have children if they can't afford them?

203 replies

ideamummy · 30/10/2007 14:44

I ask this as I'm dealing with a case at the moment of a woman who for various reasons is being charged for her health treatment. She is 21 and on her third pregnancy, she has no employment, no means of supporting these children and yet seemingly does not use contraception. It makes me so mad. We've waited three and a half years to have a second child because before that we just couldn't afford it. Why do some people think it's okay to have kids with no means to support them?

OP posts:
colditz · 30/10/2007 15:13

It's having the large families that makes them poor, that's why.

Bectheneck · 30/10/2007 15:13

I'm on benefits. I'm a lone parent to 3 DCs. I resigned from my job last August when I was 6 months pregnant for reasons unrelated to my pregnancy. At the time I couldn't see any other way of coping with things.

I don't think it's ok but for my particular circumstances going back to work would cause many more problems than it would solve. Even writing that sounds like I'm a workshy scrounger but I'm doing what I feel is best for my family at this current time. When the time is right I will find a job.

I love the way that the OP meets one person who she feels has behaved irresponsibly and from that started a whole thread about 'people who have children and can't afford them' as if these 'people' all have the same motives and reasons. Yes some people have children and do not intend to find ways to support them but it's not that common surely?

GooseyLoosey · 30/10/2007 15:13

On an ideological level, I believe that once a child is born, the state has an obligation to support that child when the parents cannot.

There is however a small (growing by the day) part of me that looks at SIL who has never worked a day in her life, whose partner at best works intermittantly ,and is now in her late 30s with 5 children, which thinks that something somewhere is not fair. I do not however know how you deal with this without penalising the children who are certainly not to blame.

TeaDr1nker · 30/10/2007 15:14

How do you know if u are entitled to benefits

bohemianbint · 30/10/2007 15:14

I think you only get help with childcare if your combined house hold income is less than £15k per year.

What couples do you know that work full time and get less than that? Or am I missing something?

The whole system really is a nightmare. What happens in other countries?

scorpio1 · 30/10/2007 15:14

Binkle, i know what you are saying, but i know some people on benefits who think it is a right, and that the state should pay for everything, ever. they dont want to get a job, even if they earnt substantially better money. it is this attitude to bringing up children that annoys me. And also, like you say, will their children be the same-family values and all that.

binkleandflip · 30/10/2007 15:15

I think it's very common tbh

scorpio1 · 30/10/2007 15:16

and of course i understand that not everyone can work-for health and circumstantial. i mean the people who can but won't.

colditz · 30/10/2007 15:16

I would love to know where the idea that people actually aspire to be on benefits comes from.

NoNameToday · 30/10/2007 15:17

YANBU ,people, men and women should not have babies just because they can! and as long as the 'welfare state' supports them, and let's be honest, encourages them, they will continue to do so.

If every parent had to totally support their offspring from their earned income, I'm darned sure the birthrate would fall for those totally on benefits.

I appreciate that there are people whose circumstances change and who didn't set out to have a baby totally supported by the state, but to allow yourself or girlfriend/wife to concieve a child when you have no means to support that child is downright selfish.

Contraception is freely available albeit ultimately funded by taxpayers.

SueBarooooItslikeaWarzone · 30/10/2007 15:18

What's a large family?

bohemianbint · 30/10/2007 15:18

Oh dear. I'm off for a brew.

binkleandflip · 30/10/2007 15:19

Colditz, I said that people who live on benefits for life for reasons other than health etc dont have aspirations to anything better not that they aspire to be on benefits

TeaDr1nker · 30/10/2007 15:19

What did people do before benefits

LucifersLuckyUnderpants · 30/10/2007 15:19

"I think you only get help with childcare if your combined house hold income is less than £15k per year."

I get help with childcare and my income is more 15k (im a single parent) so it depends on your situation.

NoNameToday · 30/10/2007 15:20

They were careful.

scorpio1 · 30/10/2007 15:20

workhouses. laundrys. asylums.

fawkeoff · 30/10/2007 15:20

and as a woman who had a child at 17 so i am not biast in any way, there are young girls/women who give us a bad name because they have babies for more money and a house that is paid for

scorpio1 · 30/10/2007 15:21

also relied on charity/church payments.

binkleandflip · 30/10/2007 15:21

NoNameToday - you have hit the nail on the head there

jumpyjan · 30/10/2007 15:21

YANBU IMO. Trying to work out a plan at the mo to figure out when/how we can afford a second baby where on the other hand a couple down the road on benefits are on 3rd baby - it doesn't feel fair sometimes.

colditz · 30/10/2007 15:21

Where are all these families entirely supported by the benefit system, having planned it that way despite being able to work?

I have only ever met one. And yes, it is galling, but most of the benefit claiments I know are looking for work, or flitting from crap job to crap job, or have a child who they feel isn't safe in childcare (I know one woman whose child is epileptic), most commonly, were in a perfectly stable situation when the child was conceived.

There are families who deliberately scam the government for every penny they feel they are entitled to ... but they are fairly few and far between. certainly not as common as the Daily Mail would have us believe.

VoodooLULUmama · 30/10/2007 15:22

'seemingly' does not use contraception ... maybe it failed? how do you know she cannot support her children?

and if she is 21, what is to stop her working from teh age of 27 when her DCs will all presumably be at school full time? she might well be having all ehr children young so she can devote the rest of her life to building a career

if everyone waited until they could afford children , then most people would never have children, certainly not more than one

what about people who lose their jobs when pregnant?

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 30/10/2007 15:23

brilliant. the day poor old dh has to sign on. what do I find on mn. a lovely thread berating people on benefits for having children............that what i call timing. as if I was pissed of enough.

scorpio1 · 30/10/2007 15:23

i know at least 3 families colditz. recently an estate in my town, there were 4 families all related who had scammed the system to more than £40 000. they do not have to pay it back, despite working.