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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that people shouldn't have children if they can't afford them?

203 replies

ideamummy · 30/10/2007 14:44

I ask this as I'm dealing with a case at the moment of a woman who for various reasons is being charged for her health treatment. She is 21 and on her third pregnancy, she has no employment, no means of supporting these children and yet seemingly does not use contraception. It makes me so mad. We've waited three and a half years to have a second child because before that we just couldn't afford it. Why do some people think it's okay to have kids with no means to support them?

OP posts:
OozingSlashesFromTigerFeet · 30/10/2007 15:44

I'm really not judging anyone. Not at all.

But it right royally pisses me off when I hear of people and their large families in their council houses, all paid for, when there is no reason for them to have everything handed to them.

And I do see it. All the time.

SueBarooooItslikeaWarzone · 30/10/2007 15:45

LoTF, I think so. That's the way the system works, surely.

NoNameToday · 30/10/2007 15:45

TheQueenOfQuotes, this is the country I was born in, was raised in and have worked in to provide for myself and my family. I have paid the appropriate taxes and insurance and saved where and when I could, envisaging a reasonable pension eventually.

Now, do I think I should use the money I have worked hard for, and the money I have saved to care for a family in the developing world?, well, maybe I could make a contribution, but it will be my choice.

As things are in this country, we are obliged to pay for fecklessness, and that is something I object to.

IntergalacticWarlock · 30/10/2007 15:47

well, no, of course not.

But I got pregant accidentally. I was with DP for 9 months.

Getting prtegant accidentally doesn't mean you don;t want your baby.

Neither does geetting pg at 17 make you want your baby any less.

Yes, it pisses me off when I see people on benefits who seemigly get "everything" given to them, when DP and I both work FT (and I look after my koids pretty much FT too) to keep a roof abouve our heads, but I knwo NOTHING about thier lives. I do know that if we want to stop this sitiation then we need to look further than so called dole scroungers

LadyOfTheFlowers · 30/10/2007 15:50

No I know if you get pregnant accidently it does not mean you will not want said baby, but do you think some girls get pregnant with a child they may not want to get houses etc?
Thats very sad.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 30/10/2007 15:50

No - because obviously you'd prefer that approx 2/3 of the worlds population didn't produce children, and that the "working class" people in this country just fizzled out........

Which is more important for a child?

a) a loving and caring home, food on the table clothes (even Tesco value) to wear and a bed to sleep in

or

b) a home with more money, all the latest toys and gadgets and parents that you hardly see because they're both working 2/3 jobs each???

I genuinely hope you never find yourself in a position where you suddenly find yourself less financially secure, and pg........

OozingSlashesFromTigerFeet · 30/10/2007 15:51

Fecklessness - exactly

I have no problem with the money I pay into the communal pot used to help people who genuinely need help.

What I don't like is it being used to finance someone who has children to avoid doing the sorts of jobs I have done in the past to make ends meet. I'm sure I will get flamed for saying this but there are mothers on my street, on benefits, who spend all day screaming at their "little bastards" when I drop my much loved dd off and go off to work, Monday to Friday, and miss her dreadfully whilst I am there, just because we cannot manage on dh's salary.

I do understand that accidental pregnancies happen, but it is done on purpose too.

IntergalacticWarlock · 30/10/2007 15:53

No, I don;t think girls get pregant just to get a house, I think it's a myth, but I can see why girls might see it as a bit of a "career choice" when ther's fuck all out there for them, and they haven't got a decent family behind them to cak them up.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 30/10/2007 15:53

accidental pg's happen a LOT more than you would imagine, all but one of my RL friends and acquaintances who have 3 or more children have at least one child which was unplanned (I have 2 ).

IntergalacticWarlock · 30/10/2007 15:56

Both of muy kids were conceived while on the pill. You don;t get more accidebtal than that.

If there we no accidental pregancies, the human race would pretty much ground to a hlat

scorpio1 · 30/10/2007 15:56

I'm pg with db3 at 22 and none of mine were accidents.

And yes, i think some girls do choose it as a career choice-i know of some who haev had an extra db to get a 3 bedroom house instaed of 2, for example. or so they said

TheQueenOfQuotes · 30/10/2007 15:56

"What I don't like is it being used to finance someone who has children to avoid doing the sorts of jobs I have done in the past to make ends meet."

you know what - even with help with childcare costs a lot of the "dead end jobs" which I could have applied for when we were really skint would have cost me MORE money than I would have been brining in!

If the job I did find had been during the day (it was nights so I didn't have to pay for childcare) I would have had a "massive" £17 a month extra for my efforts.......

NoNameToday · 30/10/2007 15:57

Sorry to disappoint you TheQueenOfQuotes, but I am very much working class, working being the salient point.

There may be children in other continents who are in need, and I may contribute, or not as I can afford. charity begins at home.

I have struggled in my life, but have never expected anyone else to pay my way!!!!!

Try not to be so presumptious.

OozingSlashesFromTigerFeet · 30/10/2007 15:57

IGW, it isn't a myth, I know people who have done it. And that is why I get so pissed off.

LittleGoldfish · 30/10/2007 15:58

There are women like this around - and lots of them.

One of the mum at DD's school has just popped out her 3rd sprog and tells me openly her and her boyfriend only had the 3rd because they wanted a bigger house .

Her boyfriend doesn't work either and they have 3 kids under the age of 5. I am sure it won't be long until she pops out another.

OozingSlashesFromTigerFeet · 30/10/2007 15:58

Q0Q I don't think you had your children to avoid working though did you?

I understand your position, that is where I would find myself if I were to fall pg atm.

IntergalacticWarlock · 30/10/2007 16:00

Bit that's my point! It;s a sad reflection of our society that girls have to do this.

And I personbally do think the baby for a house things is the exception rather than the norm tbh (and I know I am contradicting myself a bit, But I don;t care, I should be working, not arguing the toss on here )

TheQueenOfQuotes · 30/10/2007 16:00

"I have struggled in my life, but have never expected anyone else to pay my way!!!!! "

Wow - I'm impressed you don't claim Child Benefit and haven't applied for Tax Credits....

And if you've struggled......why did you have children - I thought we should all be rolling in it with a house with enough bedrooms to accommodate all our planned children before even TTC???

IntergalacticWarlock · 30/10/2007 16:01

Ma\ybe all of these woman who "pop" babies out at every opportunity don;t think they are good for anthing apart from churning out children?

expatinscotland · 30/10/2007 16:02

WHY must we continue to pillory girls or teen females who become single mums?

Hello?!

Some chap out there fathered that child!

It takes two!

Why's it always the female that gets the flogging?

IntergalacticWarlock · 30/10/2007 16:02

round of applause fro expat

scorpio1 · 30/10/2007 16:02

and actually even teenage parents, single or not. we are not all useless.

expatinscotland · 30/10/2007 16:03

Also, as pertains to the OP, why's it all the woman's fault? Someone got her pregnant and isn't supporting his kids.

NoNameToday · 30/10/2007 16:03

Well TheQueenOfQuotes, I think you actually hit the nail on the head with that statement

'you know what - even with help with childcare costs a lot of the "dead end jobs" which I could have applied for when we were really skint would have cost me MORE money than I would have been brining in!'

You were better of with the benefits, so why work!!

TheQueenOfQuotes · 30/10/2007 16:03

expat - because they are the ones who use the Flora......ooops .

And besides it's not all young girls/teenagers....!