To use CIO with naps too?

Soitis83 · 2021-01-28T13:16:20+00:00

DS is 9 months old, he sleeps so well at night. We put him in his cot, he cried for maybe 20/30 minutes on and off, then he sleeps all night. But naps, not so much. He can go over an hour of crying. He sleeps well if I leave my hand in the cot but doesn't stay asleep for longer than half and hour. Do I just leave him to cry ? I know some people arr dead against it, I am to an extent but I'm also open to being proved wrong. I don't need the science, believe me I've googled it all. I just need other mums who have done the same thing and whether it worked or didn't work for them???

Draineddraineddrained · 28/01/2021 13:18

Sorry just to clarify your baby cries in his cot alone for 20/30 mins EVERY NIGHT?

minniemango · 28/01/2021 13:19

Leaving a baby to cry for 30 minutes or an hour sounds absolutely bizarre to me. I don't know what to suggest.

Level75 · 28/01/2021 13:19

That sounds awful. Children's napping needs change all the time so you may just be abandoning him to cry (for over an hour!) when he just doesn't need a nap. Bizzare behaviour from you.

Babyboomtastic · 28/01/2021 13:19

YABU in leaving your child crying for an hour and a half a day.

Level75 · 28/01/2021 13:20

In case it wasn't obvious from my earlier response, YABU.

Babyboomtastic · 28/01/2021 13:20

I mean seriously, why bother having children if you won't comfort them when upset

Shmithecat2 · 28/01/2021 13:20

Using CIO on a child of any age for any reason is abhorrent.

mynewusernameisthis · 28/01/2021 13:21

LOL you are against it to an extent?! Really?!

Try old school, nap in the pram after a walk or a car ride

Babyboomtastic · 28/01/2021 13:21

I've just realised, at 9m it's probably 2 naps a day still, so that's another hour of your child crying alone in his cot. 2.5hrs a day

Scarlettpixie · 28/01/2021 13:22

Yabu. Your poor baby.

NotFabulousDarling · 28/01/2021 13:24

WTF have I just read?

scubadub · 28/01/2021 13:25

I don't understand this cry it out... we don't do it to them when they are aged 4 or 5. We comfort them... I wouldn't willingly leave a grown up cry themselves to sleep so why do ppl do it to babies??

Mylittlesandwich · 28/01/2021 13:26

Sorry OP you aren't going to get the response you wanted on here. I cuddle my 14 month old to sleep and he naps on us. Very little crying in a day and he sleeps right through.

Thesearmsofmine · 28/01/2021 13:28

Your poor baby, leaving him to cry for long periods of time in cruel and shit parenting. YABU.

Dopo · 28/01/2021 13:28

@NotFabulousDarling

WTF have I just read?

I think it's just another clickbait thread.

Yeah op leave your 9mthold to scream for an hour every nap.
That'll be relaxing for everyone.
What else have you tried I wonder?

Albgo · 28/01/2021 13:28

I agree with @Shmithecat2 "Using CIO on a child of any age for any reason is abhorrent."

CIO is disgusting in my opinion, but 30 minutes each night and over an hour each day is truly shocking.

Poor baby - pick him up and give him a hug.

Original poster

Soitis83 · 28/01/2021 13:31

I go in every 2 minutes, then 5, then 7, then 9 etc. This was advised to me by HV. I don't know why people come on here just to make other parents feel bad? Its hard for me as a FTM doing it on my own in lockdown as it is. I have no support and help and the baby does not settle at all, his sleep is so bad and thats my fault as I would cuddle and feed to sleep before. I was hoping for some advice and support. I didn't expect to be made to feel worse than I already do

OP posts:

MaryShelley1818 · 28/01/2021 13:31

Absolutely horrific that you'd leave a baby to cry in the hope he eventually learns not to bother because you won't comfort him. I h

Babyboomtastic · 28/01/2021 13:34

I'm sorry, but there are parents here with multiple children, some with twins etc, and we manage to parent these without abandoning them to cry, which is a shed load harder than one baby.

Parenting doesn't switch off at night or nap time. As far as the baby is concerned, you are abandoning it during those times

Original poster

Soitis83 · 28/01/2021 13:35

"Sorry OP you aren't going to get the response you wanted on here. I cuddle my 14 month old to sleep and he naps on us. Very little crying in a day and he sleeps right through."
I'm so happy for you and if this worked for me I would've never stopped. But he was waking every 30 minutes at best and I couldn't live like it anymore. I was crying all day every day. Feeling alone and desperate as I have no one to help, I took the advice from HV of CIO which I put off for so long as it was too hard. I ran out options i truly did

OP posts:

Babyboomtastic · 28/01/2021 13:39

It's rubbish when they don't sleep (I have one child that doesn't and an older one) but exchanging you crying all day or your baby crying for hours each day isn't a good solution.

Shmithecat2 · 28/01/2021 13:39

@Soitis83

I go in every 2 minutes, then 5, then 7, then 9 etc. This was advised to me by HV. I don't know why people come on here just to make other parents feel bad? Its hard for me as a FTM doing it on my own in lockdown as it is. I have no support and help and the baby does not settle at all, his sleep is so bad and thats my fault as I would cuddle and feed to sleep before. I was hoping for some advice and support. I didn't expect to be made to feel worse than I already do

I was a FTM, in a foreign country, that didn't have any postnatal support before COVID, never mind during, with a DH that worked 13hrs a day as paternal leave doesn't exist. I still didn't leave ds to cry.

Also what you've just described with the minutes intervals is Controlled Crying, not CIO. If you had at least got your terminology right, you may have garnered a bit more empathy (not from me mind, as I think CC is also a form of neglect).

What is wrong with cuddling to sleep? CC, or indeed CIO, isn't a magic fix for all babies. It does not work for all babies. Not all babies give up hoping that an adult they fully depend on will respond to them when they need them.

olderthanyouthink · 28/01/2021 13:40

Cuddling and feeding to sleep is normal, still doing it at 26 months, no where near sleeping through (admittedly she is on the extreme end but someone has to be last to do some in the). Like hell would I leave her to scream and shout for me

Level75 · 28/01/2021 13:41

@Soitis83

I go in every 2 minutes, then 5, then 7, then 9 etc. This was advised to me by HV. I don't know why people come on here just to make other parents feel bad? Its hard for me as a FTM doing it on my own in lockdown as it is. I have no support and help and the baby does not settle at all, his sleep is so bad and thats my fault as I would cuddle and feed to sleep before. I was hoping for some advice and support. I didn't expect to be made to feel worse than I already do

You've asked, in AIBU no less, if it's reasonable for you to let your baby CIO when you think he needs a nap.

The answer is that, yes, it is unreasonable for you to behave like this.

Don't post in AIBU if you're not prepared to hear that people (everybody in this case so far) thinks you're being unreasonable.

Rather than being defensive, maybe think about why you're not getting the response you were hoping for. Yes, parenting is hard, particularly if you're alone, but that doesn't mean you can't reflect and amend your behaviour.

You say you are wanting advice. I'd say the advice is pick your crying baby up and comfort him.

StepOutOfLine · 28/01/2021 13:41

@Soitis83

I go in every 2 minutes, then 5, then 7, then 9 etc. This was advised to me by HV. I don't know why people come on here just to make other parents feel bad? Its hard for me as a FTM doing it on my own in lockdown as it is. I have no support and help and the baby does not settle at all, his sleep is so bad and thats my fault as I would cuddle and feed to sleep before. I was hoping for some advice and support. I didn't expect to be made to feel worse than I already do

We're all full time mums if that's what you mean, and we were all first time mums too. I have remained a first time only mum. Leaving aside the merits or otherwise of CIO (and fwiw, I'm with everyone else) have you considered he might not need a nap? Some just don't and drop their naps pretty early on. DD went from 2 to 1 at about a year and by 15 months wasn't having a daytime nap or she was awake till midnight.