To use CIO with naps too?

[Soitis83]

DS is 9 months old, he sleeps so well at night. We put him in his cot, he cried for maybe 20/30 minutes on and off, then he sleeps all night. But naps, not so much. He can go over an hour of crying. He sleeps well if I leave my hand in the cot but doesn't stay asleep for longer than half and hour. Do I just leave him to cry ? I know some people arr dead against it, I am to an extent but I'm also open to being proved wrong. I don't need the science, believe me I've googled it all. I just need other mums who have done the same thing and whether it worked or didn't work for them???

‘ Comfort themselves” and “self soothing” - neurological impossibility at that age and most certainly NOT “important for their development” - on the contrary actually - these are the kids are often the ones I end up treating in CAMHS years down the line.

^ if you’re a CAMHS professional you’re extremely unprofessional and in the wrong job with that comment.

My daughter is extremely anxious and I tended to her every need destroying myself in the process. How dare you judge people for doing things that are necessary for their mental health (such as leaving their baby to cry when they have no support so they can re compose/ have a break)

We’re talking about leaving a baby in a safe place, needs met, going in to check on them frequently.

Not neglect.
Neurological issues are also not proven.

In fact I'm confusing my 2 children, that was how cc worked with Dd who is now 6, ds only cried 20m one night and then never again. I would not describe that as learnt helplessness.

@Soitis83

I appreciate peoples advice i do, but there is no need for the horrible comments. I'm young, I'm learning. HV told me to stick it out for at least a week. The reason I stopped feeding to sleep is because he wasn't staying asleep, I would move and he would wake. And now he sleeps through, wakes up happy etc. Sorry yes I meant controlled crying, I wasn't familiar with any of these a few days back, my bad. I'll take what you all said on board.

OP have you looked in more details at the sleep patterns of a baby? In REM/deep sleep etc as you may just be moving away too soon...

I'm with the majority here and glad to see it for once! I can't stand CC or CIO. My youngest has additional needs so couldn't be left to cry even for 1min so we have to work around it. But in any event I wouldn't want her to cry herself to sleep in any context. You said you're read up on it and are against it but you're doing it?
Personally I've managed with: contact naps, co sleeping and/or losing a lot of time getting my kids to sleep. It's just part and parcel of having kids, it won't be forever. My 3 oldest kids are fantastic sleepers so it worked for me

@Showers3 Do CAMHs normally ask about if a sleep routine was used with a baby? I never was

It’s one of the things I always check in a developmental history - especially with anxious children.

@Showers3

It’s one of the things I always check in a developmental history - especially with anxious children.

Ugh. It doesn't follow at all though that cc / cio caused the anxiety. In fact perhaps an anxious personality caused some of the initial sleep issues, the child being more anxious / higher needs so sleeping worse / needing more help and that driving a decision to use cc. Plus you're seeing a minority slice of children who have these types of issues through cahms referrals, not a representative slice.

I hate cry it out and an hour of crying for 30 minutes naps YABVVVVU.

Are you working from home in the day? If your a FTM then what are you doing that means you can't cuddle him to sleep?

You leave your 9 month old to cry for an hour?

@Soitis83

Thank you *@DemolitionBarbie* . Makes me feel better about the awful comments I got that almost reduced me to tears! Its only been a few nights and night time has got better already, crying less and not horrible crying, more moaning. So I definitely think its working. I just wanted to know peoples experience and advice when it came to nap times. Someone recommended a book here and I'm going to look it up for sure. I have so much to learn but I love my son more than I could possibly tell you and I want to get it right for him. I need to be happy too and having no sleep was sending me down a horrible, dark path

Some comments almost reduced you to tears and that was unbearable but leaving your kid to cry is fine? Ok then.

The reality of not letting your baby cry is not that your baby doesn't cry (which is what I as a foolish FTM used ot beat myself up about). Just that you hold the baby while it cries anyway.

Your reality, not mine. With a couple of exceptions, colicky evenings in the first few weeks, and them being ill, they've not cried when comforted.

I do use slings a lot though, and I think there is evidence that carrying babies like this results in them (on average) crying a lot less.

@Soitis83

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to have sympathy that comments have 'almost reduced you to tears' when your baby has been crying by being left alone. If it feels rough, then perhaps that's some inkling how your baby feels. And yeah, that's probably rubbish to read, but it's also pretty rubbish to be left distressed in a cot and your source of comfort not coming.

Maybe a gentler approach would be better.

Indecisive Lurcher - I can only conclude from that ill-informed and bizarre comment, that it’s a very good thing that you’re NOT a psychologist in the job of treating anxious children yourself.

OP, I won't wade into the debate about CC/CIO, but I will say one thing: don't let your HV guilt you into parenting in a way that you are not comfortable with. Our HV made me feel like a failure of a mother for co-sleeping with my one year old, and even tried to tell me that I can't possibly be sleeping well with her in the bed. I do! I'm not saying everyone should co sleep, but it works for us - I love cuddling her and she sleeps through the night. She also said breastfeeding was causing her to eat fewer solids than she should. My husband was then of the view that "she's a professional, she's telling us we're doing the wrong thing, so we must be" - cue an argument with him. I spent a few days thinking I am an awful mother; then realised this woman knows zero about my baby, who is a happy little girl despite my many alleged failures. I decided to ignore her, and we're all the happier for it.
On the subject of daytime naps- DD falls asleep and stays asleep very happily in her bouncer. Could be worth a try?

@showers3 this is a genuine question from a fellow health professional. I would really like to read some research that shows a connection between sleep routines as a baby and anxiety etc. Can you point me in the right direction.

Thanks to all the helpful comments. Politely ignoring the unnecessary nasty ones :)
I'm sticking with it.
Someone said about rousing after 25 minutes and that sounds really helpful, ill do my research with sleep, rem sleep etc.
Thank you everyone! My perfectly happy, not sleep deprived anymore, clean, fed little lad and myself are forever grateful for your opinions, shared experiences and kindness

And just to clarify. I don't leave him to cry for that time..I go in and soothe him frequently. But I don't judge anyone who does the dull cio either. In fact, I don't judge any parents for choosing their own parenting methods. Each to their own.

*full not dull. Although it can be dull...

Some parenting methods should be judged though, shouldn't they OP?

If I said "my 9 month old keeps having a tantrum when I give him the green plate, but I've found hitting him in the face makes him stop. We both feel so much better when he stops crying so it's really the best thing. However he bruises easily and people keep making judgmental comments! Can anyone recommend where else on his body to hit? Bum doesn't work, I think the nappy cushions it. No judgemental comments please, this works for us, he's so distressed when he has a tantrum and this sorts it" would you say meh, each to their own?

All this don't judge parents thing is utter bullshit when taken to it's logical conclusion.

Op as others said I would not do the CIO on the naps until you have the evenings firmly sorted, till then just do walks in pram or let them hold your hand etc. Has he got a special blanket or comforter? If not then I suggest introduce one it can really help. Also he may be over tired, someone mentioned an app that helps with knowing when naptime should be, but basically there are set wake times for each age and if you go over that it can explain why the baby won't sleep or wakes up too soon. For a 9 month old it's about 3 hours between naps - put back to sleep 3 hours after waking, no matter how long the previous nap.

There are some quite stupid comments on this thread - there is no benefit to a baby in the whole family being grumpy and sleep deprived. Just because some people like to breast feed their 3 year old all night long whilst boasting about how little sleep they get, doesn't actually mean it does anyone any good in either the short or long term. 9 months is old enough for some or most babies to learn to sleep on their own. A well rested baby is a happy baby.

@MondieBee you seem to be getting mixed up between parenting methods and abuse. I am sure the op knows not to hit her child, even if you think it's a "parenting method".

In fact, I don't judge any parents for choosing their own parenting methods

Oh, I bet you do. You'd be an odd one indeed if you refused to judge parents for methods you deemed abusive and neglectful.

These thread always make me roll my eyes- any opinions or advice critical of what the OP wants to do is deemed unhelpful or unkind, those telling the OP to carry on with her preferred course of action are praised. You don't want advice, you want to be told what you're doing is OK. But there are many of us who do not think CIO and related 'methods' are OK, and we are under no obligation to pat your head and encourage you to crack on with a parenting method we think is harmful.

[quote SnackSizeRaisin]@MondieBee you seem to be getting mixed up between parenting methods and abuse. I am sure the op knows not to hit her child, even if you think it's a "parenting method".[/quote]
What you think of as a perfectly acceptable parenting method (for example, CIO) others deem an act of abuse and/ or neglect. Is it really so hard for you to understand that?

Nope, that's called child abuse. I'm talking about parenting. And I really don't judge. We ALL make mistakes, we all struggle, but we all love our children.

Best of luck op! I hope you manage to tackle naps too 😊

@SnackSizeRaisin took the words right out of my mouth