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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wish for a dog-free park?

311 replies

PerspicaciousGreen · 27/01/2021 18:33

I live in a lovely outer London borough with about ten parks within half an hour's walk, full of young families, great place to bring up children... except for the dogs.

My 2yo DS is TERRIFIED of dogs and, unfortunately, so am I. He's got it from me, I know, and it's just awful. I was so scared as a child I'd cry if I had to walk past a dog on the street and after years of work I got to the point where I felt I wasn't very comfortable around dogs but could live a normal life. However, seeing my DS being nervous around them has brought it all back and honestly now I come out in a cold sweat if I see a dog. I try to put a brave face on it for him, I really do, but he can tell I'm scared and we just wind each other up, I think.

So I find myself barely able to use any of the parks because every single one is full of dogs all the time. The one closest to our house, the fenced-off playground is right next to the entrance so we can do a sprint in and then it's OK. But one time several months ago, someone's dog got in (to their credit, they leapt in straight away and manhandled it out again) and he STILL talks about it and looks for dogs before he will play.

But the other ones, it's like a tiny little island of playground in the middle of acres and acres of dogs chasing each other, barking, etc. It's not even about whether their owners are responsible or not any more. If a dog so much as looks at DS, he freaks. And there are lots of owners who trot out the old "He's just being friendly!" while I hold a sobbing DS and try not to cry myself!

There is just no open space in the whole of our neighbourhood that doesn't have dogs in it. I'd love to be able to go for walks, take him out for a picnic, kick a ball around... But we can never relax because there's always a dog. Even if we weren't scared, we'd end up tripping over them or having one come over for a taste of our sandwiches.

I know IABU to be so scared of dogs. I do. But AIBU to wish there was one dog free park in this apparent suburban park paradise?

OP posts:
Original poster
PerspicaciousGreen · 27/01/2021 21:57

I know it's not great for me to be this scared, and believe me I'm gutted that my DS has got it too now. But he used to love dogs and he'd be the one trotting up to them and I'd be able to grit my teeth and hold his hand and help him pet them. I'm really shocked to hear you all describing me having a phobia, tbh, as where I was maybe a year ago I'd say I was just a bit nervous and uncomfortable around dogs.

But suddenly something changed with DS and he got really scared. (I think he lost his fear of flies and replaced it with dogs or something like that.) And like a fool I just followed suit. And I do think I can get it down to a manageable level again where it's not really affecting my life. And I do think DH can help DS. It'll just take a bit of time.

The thing is, though, WIBU if I wasn't scared and just pissed off? I'm relieved to see all the comments from people that think IANBU and they're not all scared as well! I think I might write to my local council, actually, and see what they say. I'm sure I'll be fobbed off, but it might help in the long run.

I appreciate the suggestions for dog-free places to go. No National Trust properties or RSPB reserves near me for miles, unfortunately. I'd love to find somewhere outdoors we could just hang out for a morning without any dogs, so do please make any suggestions for me to look up that you can think of! Maybe I should think about going into central London to Coram Fields or somewhere like that sometime, but it's so hard to coordinate around naps and stuff (and pandemics, lol!) and sometimes I just want to nip out for a quickie, iyswim!

OP posts:
Original poster
PerspicaciousGreen · 27/01/2021 22:03

@0gfhty

YANBU and why so many people who don't like kids around on Mumsnet! What's the point are there really no other forums?
I thought the child-free park thing was quite funny and sure, why not?! No kids to distract your dog, you can sunbathe in peace (except for all the out-of-control dogs, of course...!)
OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/01/2021 22:07

@0gfhty

YANBU and why so many people who don't like kids around on Mumsnet! What's the point are there really no other forums?
Oh good - I was getting worried no one would trot this out.
minsmum · 27/01/2021 22:09

Our council have dog free parts all fenced off lots of lovely green space. Dog owners respect it and don't go in, it's always empty

Doveyouknow · 27/01/2021 22:09

I would love a dog free park! My ds is terrified of dogs. We even followed the advice on here, got him to meet friends' dogs to help him get over his fear. Thought we had cracked it. Then a trip to the park, he gets knocked over by a dog the same size as him ('he's just being friendly') and then has his stick grabbed out of his hand by another. Back to square one. I can't be bothered to try again. Tbh the boy has a point, if an animal the size of me came bounding up to me and knocked me down to the ground I would probably be terrified as well...

IdblowJonSnow · 27/01/2021 22:14

Yanbu OP. I'm not scared of dogs but dislike being showered in mud - and being told I'm precious when I asked dog owner to control her dog!
My kids are wary as dogs are often jumping on them, I'm absolutely sick of it - and the old "they won't hurt you", which is not the bloody point! Angry

LouNatics · 27/01/2021 22:14

We ve got one in our village. There is a kids park and a dog park. They are joined by an alleyway but there is a street between.

One is well known as the dog park and includes a fenced off off-lead area and some of those poles that dogs wiggle around/jump over?

One is the kids park and has a fenced off playground with no dogs allowed. There is a path that circumvents the park for dog walkers to divert round and an area to tie dogs safely within sight of the play park and some picnic benches so you can sit with the dog and let the kids off the lead.

Original poster
PerspicaciousGreen · 27/01/2021 22:15

@minsmum

Our council have dog free parts all fenced off lots of lovely green space. Dog owners respect it and don't go in, it's always empty
What council is this, if you don't mind me asking? If I get my act together and write to mine, it would be nice to give an example.
OP posts:
HighSpecWhistle · 27/01/2021 22:16

YANBU. I love dogs and live in a village where we have a few parks and fields and none are dogfree, meaning I have to be constantly vigilant of what's coming and going into the field when with my toddlers twins - easier said than done.

I wouldn't mind if they were on leads but what tends to happen is the owners congregate into a circle to chat for an hour while the dogs run wild and do whatever they want.

We have one dedicated dogs field but no one seems to use it.

I'd love to have a dog-free area near me.

Laiste · 27/01/2021 22:17

I don't have a dog phobia - i still think the majority of dogs are a pain in the arse because their owners can't/wont control them and wont pick up their shit.

Dog shit all over the pavements
Dogs with no recall
Dogs loose on beaches trampling over your stuff.

These things aren't imaginary or a matter of opinion. It's reality. It's what goes on.

FenEel · 27/01/2021 22:19

My town in Essex has a dog free park. It’s lovely. And big. I love the fact I don’t have to worry about stepping in dog shit. It’s got a castle in it, if anyone wants to locate it!

veeeeh · 27/01/2021 22:21

Well afaik there are beaches that are dog free, so why not some areas of parks? I would be all for this. SOME dog owners are so precious.

For example, I have a lovely park at the back of my house. there are paths all over for walkers, and segregated cycle lanes too. On the other side of the road there is a smaller park with a big dog run and room to walk the pooch. But no, in they come to the other one. Can't figure that out.

There are far too many dogs anyway now. They must outnumber people lol.

Parks for dogs, or parks for people. It is really getting too much now.

peak2021 · 27/01/2021 22:26

I was unable to be comfortable at least in a large open green space until in my 30s because a dog jumped on me when I was in a pushchair. Indeed I would avoid some places and situations.

I agree there should be some areas in parks not for dogs. And would be happy with some exclusively for dogs fence off.

In general I would like to see pet ownership regulated and some people not allowed to have pets, either because of their property being too small, or because of previous neglect for an animal. Though I doubt this will ever happen.

Lockdownlumpy · 27/01/2021 22:28

I just wish dog owners would be more responsible and better at controlling their animals.
My son was knocked over by two offlead dogs as a toddler. They were small dogs and were playing not attacking, but they knocked him flat and winded him. He is now 7 and has been scared of dogs ever since. He is even nervous of our friends old lab, which is so fat and lazy, it's about as scary as a marshmallow.
3 times in the last few weeks we've been out for our exercise walk and he's been jumped at by an off lead dog. Every single time he has hidden behind me with very clear scared body language and making scared noises, and every single time the owner done precisely fuck all to call their dog off. Every single time the owner has laughed and excused their dog's behaviour - just playing/over friendly/new puppy but in reality it is the owner that needs to change their behaviour and control their bloody dog.
And while I'm on my high horse, if you have your dog on an extendable lead, pay some attention to what it's doing and don't let your lead stretch across the entire width of the path, tripping up anyone else who walking along it.

Chloemol · 27/01/2021 22:29

Yes you are being unreasonable

Lots of parks have fenced in kids areas, go there if you don’t want to walk in the park because there are dogs

Yes some dog owners are bad, but most of us are not

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 27/01/2021 22:30

Those dogs don’t go to the parks on their own.

They go there with people, so it’s not just dogs using the parks, it’s people too and there people use the parks with their dogs, but that doesn’t mean they should be banned from the parks.

Most parks have a play area, many have football and rugby pitches. These are all dog free. What more do you want? Where do you want people who have dogs to go?

Our cities and overcrowded, our parks a overcrowded. We need more parks, not fighting I and dividing the ones we have

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 27/01/2021 22:30

I used to be terrified of dogs growing up. We didn't have one, and for some reason when I was in high school people used to let their dogs just roam the streets so I was often chased by them! I do now have a dog (came with the DH!) and I love him to bits, but I definitely would have preferred people either kept their dogs on a lead or there were specific parks where you could feel safe. I'm still uneasy around dogs I don't know because I don't know how well trained they are. Ours is always on a lead, the only time he is off is in our own garden.

MaryLennoxsScowl · 27/01/2021 22:32

There’s a dog park about a mile from my flat. It’s awful - about the size of a basketball court surrounded by chain-link fences. There’s a similar kids’ play area beside it, also with chain-link fences. They’re both full of broken glass and litter and I wouldn’t let a kid or a dog run around in them. It just seems pointless. As a result everyone takes their dog/kid to the big park which is big enough to walk round to exercise the dog and has two enclosed dog-free play areas for kids anyway. I can well imagine places like America or Australia having the space to do proper dog parks, but can you imagine doing laps of something the size of this one and picking broken glass out of your dog’s paws afterwards? And I agree with you all on dog shit - the council need to step up their game on emptying bins and fining people. I always pick it up and have been known to pick up other dogs’ shit too, but there must be so many people who don’t judging by our streets.

WonderingFree · 27/01/2021 22:34

Totally agree with you OP - I would love a dog free area in the park.

timeforanother1 · 27/01/2021 22:34

Yep agree.

We were out feeding the ducks and a big dog came from behind and jumped in the water scaring the ducks away and my child (I'm not bothered by them).

For a while it was in/ out and no owner. About 3 minutes later the owner jogs past whistles and when the owner was out of sight the dog eventually left.

The owner didn't give a shit about knowing what the dog was doing which was the worst part. It's not the dogs fault, it wanted to play.
Some owners are so good they will put their dogs on leads/ call them close when we cross paths but some don't care if their dog wants to jump up you/ knock over your child and just say 'oh he loves kids he wants to play' Angry well my kid doesn't love dogs and doesn't want to play!

I do believe we should have safe fenced off areas in parks over the next few years to allow everyone old and young space outside without dogs.

Now their poo everywhere is another story.....!!!!!

jellybeanteaparty · 27/01/2021 22:37

Annual membership at a nearby zoo or similar would be dog free but not animal free!!

OverTheRubicon · 27/01/2021 22:38

Yabu, and you know this, but you need to work on your fear for both your sake's.

Yanbu to want more dogs on leads. I love dogs and know that many can be fine off lead, but around here our parks are full of under-trained dogs or walkers with too many at a time, uncleaned poo (or randomly.dropped plastic bags of it), and most of the new puppies of lockdown seem to be under-trained, with inexperienced owners and sadly of breeds that are not healthy (french bulldogs galore) and are likely not from responsible breeders. In other countries they have a licensing system to increase dog safety and tracking, and higher penalties for those not ensuring their dogs are safely trained, bred and looked after, wish it was the same.here.

MaryLennoxsScowl · 27/01/2021 22:39

They should repurpose golf courses to public parks during lockdown and ban golf - it is ridiculous that with every other form of leisure banned that some groups are allowed to keep open green spaces to themselves in overcrowded cities. Golf isn’t exercise anyway so not essential. Same for any private sports grounds. The government should then pay them a maintenance fee for the no doubt necessary clean-up after lockdown, but right now all the public spaces are heaving and the weather isn’t even decent so good knows what it’ll be like if we get a warm spell!

HeddaGarbled · 27/01/2021 22:47

I agree. I’m not especially afraid of dogs and think some of them are cute, but if I’m on a beach or other public space and a big dog starts bounding towards me, it’s worrying.

CaraDuneRedux · 27/01/2021 22:52

Dunno whether it's financially viable for you, OP, but since you're in London how about annual membership for Kew Gardens? Gorgeous, and dog free apart from assistance dogs.