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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wish for a dog-free park?

311 replies

PerspicaciousGreen · 27/01/2021 18:33

I live in a lovely outer London borough with about ten parks within half an hour's walk, full of young families, great place to bring up children... except for the dogs.

My 2yo DS is TERRIFIED of dogs and, unfortunately, so am I. He's got it from me, I know, and it's just awful. I was so scared as a child I'd cry if I had to walk past a dog on the street and after years of work I got to the point where I felt I wasn't very comfortable around dogs but could live a normal life. However, seeing my DS being nervous around them has brought it all back and honestly now I come out in a cold sweat if I see a dog. I try to put a brave face on it for him, I really do, but he can tell I'm scared and we just wind each other up, I think.

So I find myself barely able to use any of the parks because every single one is full of dogs all the time. The one closest to our house, the fenced-off playground is right next to the entrance so we can do a sprint in and then it's OK. But one time several months ago, someone's dog got in (to their credit, they leapt in straight away and manhandled it out again) and he STILL talks about it and looks for dogs before he will play.

But the other ones, it's like a tiny little island of playground in the middle of acres and acres of dogs chasing each other, barking, etc. It's not even about whether their owners are responsible or not any more. If a dog so much as looks at DS, he freaks. And there are lots of owners who trot out the old "He's just being friendly!" while I hold a sobbing DS and try not to cry myself!

There is just no open space in the whole of our neighbourhood that doesn't have dogs in it. I'd love to be able to go for walks, take him out for a picnic, kick a ball around... But we can never relax because there's always a dog. Even if we weren't scared, we'd end up tripping over them or having one come over for a taste of our sandwiches.

I know IABU to be so scared of dogs. I do. But AIBU to wish there was one dog free park in this apparent suburban park paradise?

OP posts:
CharlotteRose90 · 28/01/2021 02:08

Yes I would love a dog park and a dog free park. Also mixed parks. My dog is a timid little thing and I’m fed up with toddlers or small kids bounding up to him to pull his ear or tail. Even on a lead. If I can control my dog you should control your kid. I won’t be held responsible if he bites at someone being nasty to him.

Anordinarymum · 28/01/2021 02:08

@PerspicaciousGreen

I live in a lovely outer London borough with about ten parks within half an hour's walk, full of young families, great place to bring up children... except for the dogs.

My 2yo DS is TERRIFIED of dogs and, unfortunately, so am I. He's got it from me, I know, and it's just awful. I was so scared as a child I'd cry if I had to walk past a dog on the street and after years of work I got to the point where I felt I wasn't very comfortable around dogs but could live a normal life. However, seeing my DS being nervous around them has brought it all back and honestly now I come out in a cold sweat if I see a dog. I try to put a brave face on it for him, I really do, but he can tell I'm scared and we just wind each other up, I think.

So I find myself barely able to use any of the parks because every single one is full of dogs all the time. The one closest to our house, the fenced-off playground is right next to the entrance so we can do a sprint in and then it's OK. But one time several months ago, someone's dog got in (to their credit, they leapt in straight away and manhandled it out again) and he STILL talks about it and looks for dogs before he will play.

But the other ones, it's like a tiny little island of playground in the middle of acres and acres of dogs chasing each other, barking, etc. It's not even about whether their owners are responsible or not any more. If a dog so much as looks at DS, he freaks. And there are lots of owners who trot out the old "He's just being friendly!" while I hold a sobbing DS and try not to cry myself!

There is just no open space in the whole of our neighbourhood that doesn't have dogs in it. I'd love to be able to go for walks, take him out for a picnic, kick a ball around... But we can never relax because there's always a dog. Even if we weren't scared, we'd end up tripping over them or having one come over for a taste of our sandwiches.

I know IABU to be so scared of dogs. I do. But AIBU to wish there was one dog free park in this apparent suburban park paradise?

Can't help you regarding the dog free park situation but do think you might take proactive steps to reduce your fears by finding a dog that is calm and quiet and going for a walk with the owner and perhaps letting your child hold the lead and even yourself to take some of the fear away.

I am a dog owner and always have been so I don't fear dogs at all but some people own dogs and act irresponsibly which gives us all bad press.

GreenlandTheMovie · 28/01/2021 06:25

YANBU. I've also been bitten and ended up in hospital and on antibiotics.

Lifeinaonesie · 28/01/2021 06:29

I was a bit like you after a childhood incident where I was bitten by a huge out of control dog that chased me on a beach. I got over it by getting my own puppy. Now I'm fine with dogs and understand their body language and signals a lot better.

Bmidreams · 28/01/2021 06:37

I'm not as bad as you, but I really hate the dogs that come running up to you. It happens a lot. I was watching a dog yesterday just ignoring it's owner who kept calling it. Surely if it doesn't respond when called then it shouldn't be off it's fucking lead. Why don't you take a big golf umbrella with you, or a walking pole? Might help you shoo them off.

spaceghetto · 28/01/2021 06:51

@AvocadosBeforeMortgages I am on that end of the spectrum. When a dog is off a lead and comes near my ds, I have no idea if it's friendly or not. As much as you love your dog, I don't! The same as a toddler trying to per your dog is annoying, to people who are frightened of dogs, your dog interrupting a picnic is annoying but also scary!

sashh · 28/01/2021 06:52

Move to Burnley.

Dogs were banned from most parks in the 1970s. It caused questions in the house of Lords, led to the high court and prison for some dog walkers.

academic.oup.com/tcbh/article/28/2/239/2888520

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 28/01/2021 06:56

My child is exactly the same and it’s so stressful taking him anywhere for a walk 😢. It’s the dog owners who don’t attempt to keep their dogs under control.

alpinia · 28/01/2021 06:58

We don't have dog parks and dog free parks but we do have on leash areas (with playgrounds, manicured gardens etc) and off leash areas which tend to be more woods and open fields. Both are very large areas. It works well and people generally have to accept if they want to walk in the off leash bit with their child or dog they run the risk of off leash dogs being around.

I'm a dog owner and get really annoyed by the few idiots in on leash areas with their dogs off leash, and at people who don't pick up their dog poop in either areaAngry

Our beaches are also seperated, with dogs off leash and horses only allowed during the winter. There is even an adult only area and a nude area. The adult only bit is bliss in the summer and I like kids too!

Signalbox · 28/01/2021 07:04

Our local park is a dog shit mine field. I love dogs but I think they should fence off a massive area in the park where dogs can’t go so people can enjoy the park without constantly worrying about treading in shit.

ShastaBeast · 28/01/2021 07:06

My nine yr old has always been terrified of dogs. But no one else in the family is so it’s not necessarily your fault due to behaviour. Although seems to be genetic as nana and aunt had the same childhood phobia.

It’s a nightmare and makes days out very difficult. We are lucky to have playgrounds which are accessible without having to traverse a dog park first. It has got a bit better since introducing a dog of friends who is gentle and friendly, and not too big. But if there are lots of dogs or they run or bark, it gets tricky again. It probably helps that we aren’t scared, although not dog people either. Tackling your fears will help as it’s not a problem that will easily pass in a a few years. In our case, we’ve never had a bad experience in its dogs, it’s just innate.

TheOtherMaryBerry · 28/01/2021 07:14

God, I hate hate the comments about child free parks. I know posters are mostly joking but children are people you know. With as much right to be in parks as any adults. I wouldn't mind so much but at a time like this when there's little else for them it's just annoying. Anyway, I've never been bitten by a child (well, not one that isn't mine!) or trod in a child's poo or been chased by a child that is faster than me. Neither has a child ever run off with and punctured a football of mine. Surely you can see why people get frustrated with dogs in parks. Obviously no problem with those responsible dog owners but unfortunately there are so many idiots who couldn't care less.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 28/01/2021 07:23

@PerspicaciousGreen

I know it's not great for me to be this scared, and believe me I'm gutted that my DS has got it too now. But he used to love dogs and he'd be the one trotting up to them and I'd be able to grit my teeth and hold his hand and help him pet them. I'm really shocked to hear you all describing me having a phobia, tbh, as where I was maybe a year ago I'd say I was just a bit nervous and uncomfortable around dogs.

But suddenly something changed with DS and he got really scared. (I think he lost his fear of flies and replaced it with dogs or something like that.) And like a fool I just followed suit. And I do think I can get it down to a manageable level again where it's not really affecting my life. And I do think DH can help DS. It'll just take a bit of time.

The thing is, though, WIBU if I wasn't scared and just pissed off? I'm relieved to see all the comments from people that think IANBU and they're not all scared as well! I think I might write to my local council, actually, and see what they say. I'm sure I'll be fobbed off, but it might help in the long run.

I appreciate the suggestions for dog-free places to go. No National Trust properties or RSPB reserves near me for miles, unfortunately. I'd love to find somewhere outdoors we could just hang out for a morning without any dogs, so do please make any suggestions for me to look up that you can think of! Maybe I should think about going into central London to Coram Fields or somewhere like that sometime, but it's so hard to coordinate around naps and stuff (and pandemics, lol!) and sometimes I just want to nip out for a quickie, iyswim!

You are still sounding resigned to your fear. You need professional help, you don't really have the time to try yourself to get it down to a manageable level. It's affecting your child now.

It really doesn't need to be this hard.

moita · 28/01/2021 07:26

OP - I hear you, we've had a couple of incidents with dogs and my toddlers. Thankfully my parents have a very gentle, old dog who they love so they are not terrified of dogs.

I always say to my two if a dog runs up: stay still and use a gentle voice. Don't rush around screaming as that just encourages a dog to chase.

echt · 28/01/2021 07:40

OP, you need to come and live in Victoria, where all dogs have to be on a lead except in designated off-leash areas. And believe me they are not many. There are named 24/7 dog beaches (few), with others having wider winter access. Most beaches have leashed access, often no access at all.

DontYouSpeakOverMyVoice · 28/01/2021 08:10

I completely agree with you and I’m a dog owner myself! We’ve come across some really inconsiderate dog owners who let their dogs scare our kids and ruin picnics. Don’t get me started on dog poo Angry

Moondust001 · 28/01/2021 08:22

As a dog owner, I can agree that there perhaps should be some parks that are dog free. But I also think there should be some parks that are dogs only. In other words, if you go in you expect to see dogs and priority is given for dogs. I appreciate that you are frightened and don't like to have dogs around, but the bad dog owners are not the only selfish or irresponsible people in the world. I get very fed up of people who think that my well trained dog is public property, that their children are perfectly entitled to do as they want, that playing football entitles them to use swear words as punctuation (and that is grown up official amateur teams), or that the gym being closed means that they can exercise in large groups without social distancing across the entire park pathway (which is at least 20 feet wide!) forcing everyone else onto muddy ground because they "own" the park and don't want to get their nice lycra dirty!

Hotcuppatea · 28/01/2021 08:24

I'm a dog owner and YANBU. Not everyone likes dogs and I'd be happy to stay out of a park that was dog free.

Iqqq · 28/01/2021 08:26

Keep some dog food in your pocket, and give some to any dogs that look like they're going to jump up you.

TheGoogleMum · 28/01/2021 08:36

Yanbu but I too am fearful of dogs (ones not on leads make me very nervous). Also would be nice to have less dog poo around in a nice toddler friendly park? I know dogs need exercise so there also be dog parks.

Moondust001 · 28/01/2021 08:46

@TheOtherMaryBerry

God, I hate hate the comments about child free parks. I know posters are mostly joking but children are people you know. With as much right to be in parks as any adults. I wouldn't mind so much but at a time like this when there's little else for them it's just annoying. Anyway, I've never been bitten by a child (well, not one that isn't mine!) or trod in a child's poo or been chased by a child that is faster than me. Neither has a child ever run off with and punctured a football of mine. Surely you can see why people get frustrated with dogs in parks. Obviously no problem with those responsible dog owners but unfortunately there are so many idiots who couldn't care less.
There are a lot of parents / adults and children in that category too. My dog has never hurled abuse at the disabled people in the park, or taunted the elderly; he hasn't dealt drugs; he doesn't let off fireworks in the direction of people; he doesn't harass and intimidate young women.... Not all children are cute four year olds who want nothing but a swing. And not all four year olds are cute.

It has become fashionable to blame dog owners, but there are dreadful people all over the place.

contrmary · 28/01/2021 08:53

YANBU. There's no such thing as a "safe" dog, the most docile of dogs could flip into a killer at any moment and for no reason. I hate the bitches. And males too. I get why some dogs are needed, police and rescue dogs, guide dogs etc., but the general public shouldn't be allowed them. It's a bit like saying everyone should be allowed a handgun because most people would be responsible with them. No - we restrict them to those who need them for their job.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/01/2021 08:55

God, I hate hate the comments about child free parks. I know posters are mostly joking but childrenarepeople you know. With as much right to be in parks as any adults.

Well, yes, but dogs are also a pretty normal part of society. People have different preferences - dog-free, child-free. I'd love a part that was non-smoking and no playing music.

Having a lot more green spaces so we can all have our preferences would be great, otherwise we have to put up with each other!

emilyfrost · 28/01/2021 09:03

I won’t be held responsible if he bites at someone being nasty to him.

CharlotteRose90 Oh yes you would be.

FTMF30 · 28/01/2021 09:04

@Moondust001 But the point the pp was making was that toddlers aren't quite the nuisance in parks that dogs are and they are human beings.

You're talking about SOME teenagers and their shitty behaviour which is akin to SOME dog owners and their shitty behaviour. Aside from ASBOs, you can't prevent a teenager (humans)from going to a park, but you can create dog-free parks or designated dog parks quite easily .