AIBU to wish for a dog-free park?

[PerspicaciousGreen]

I live in a lovely outer London borough with about ten parks within half an hour's walk, full of young families, great place to bring up children... except for the dogs.

My 2yo DS is TERRIFIED of dogs and, unfortunately, so am I. He's got it from me, I know, and it's just awful. I was so scared as a child I'd cry if I had to walk past a dog on the street and after years of work I got to the point where I felt I wasn't very comfortable around dogs but could live a normal life. However, seeing my DS being nervous around them has brought it all back and honestly now I come out in a cold sweat if I see a dog. I try to put a brave face on it for him, I really do, but he can tell I'm scared and we just wind each other up, I think.

So I find myself barely able to use any of the parks because every single one is full of dogs all the time. The one closest to our house, the fenced-off playground is right next to the entrance so we can do a sprint in and then it's OK. But one time several months ago, someone's dog got in (to their credit, they leapt in straight away and manhandled it out again) and he STILL talks about it and looks for dogs before he will play.

But the other ones, it's like a tiny little island of playground in the middle of acres and acres of dogs chasing each other, barking, etc. It's not even about whether their owners are responsible or not any more. If a dog so much as looks at DS, he freaks. And there are lots of owners who trot out the old "He's just being friendly!" while I hold a sobbing DS and try not to cry myself!

There is just no open space in the whole of our neighbourhood that doesn't have dogs in it. I'd love to be able to go for walks, take him out for a picnic, kick a ball around... But we can never relax because there's always a dog. Even if we weren't scared, we'd end up tripping over them or having one come over for a taste of our sandwiches.

I know IABU to be so scared of dogs. I do. But AIBU to wish there was one dog free park in this apparent suburban park paradise?

I think more dog free areas - or on-lead only areas - in parks would be great.

@PerspicaciousGreen

Thanks for the tea and sympathy! I really have been questioning myself about whether IABU or not to wish for this.

I know I have a problem, I really do. I know I shouldn't feel like this. I was chased badly when I was about four or five. Not bitten, but it felt to young-me like it was just out of nowhere that this dog "went for me". I think we had accidentally trespassed on a farm on holiday, so clearly it wasn't really out of nowhere, and I wasn't bitten or anything, but I can still feel the fear when I think back to it.

I don't really know what to do about The Fear for either me or DS. My DH is totally normal about dogs (had one growing up) so I think he'll be able to help DS. I think it will always be there for me underneath, tbh. As I said, I felt like I had it under control enough to live a normal albeit slightly internally uncomfortable) life. I've even got to know a few dogs over the years that I've actually liked. But seeing DS like that, I just get these images flashing into my head of being chased again. I know I'm taking on a bit, and it's just dogs, but I feel like it'll take another 25 years to work myself back down again!

Don't know any dog owners that don't live halfway across the country, and it's not like we can socialise right now anyway!

I feel like it's not just people who are scared of dogs that would like a dog free park, though, right? Everyone seems to have a story of some crappy dog bouncing all over them or running through their picnic.

And although right now I'm scared of all dogs, it absolutely is the owners. The good thing about only ever going to our closest park where we can sprint into the playground is that I know a lot of the regular dogs and owners by sight now and I know which ones are "on it" about keeping an eye on their dogs and actively calling them back to prevent problems - and which ones are just ambling around with their heads in the clouds and think it's cute to watch their Alsatian jump a toddler. My favourite dog at the park is a great slathering bulldog-type-thing called Elvis, can you believe it!

@Cantbbothered You're welcome to one! I think they have dog parks in America. If we could have one park in the borough a dog park and one park a dog free park and all the other ones mixed, we'd all be happy!

I think you've missed the bit where she wanted a child free park.

Dogs need exercise, people aren't allowed to leave their local area due to coronavirus ergo lots of dogs in parks.

Write to the council 🤷‍♀️ not much else you can do bar try and move past your phobia and help your son do so to (and I have a diagnosed phobia so understand that's hard).

Exactly the same here!

Our local , small park has signs saying dogs must be on leads except in the fenced off dog bit. But no one takes the blind bit of notice. It’s not intended as a dog park - there are bigger parks nearby for that. But they are always allowed to run off the lead all over the park, rarely under any kind of recall control, and often the owners stand blocking the paths with their dogs running free about them.

Really annoying! DS is really scared of dogs - but that’s not really the issue, it’s that the rules aren’t being followed!

So YANBU

Whoever said they wanted a child feee park - that’s ridiculous. These are humans you are talking about. The very humans who most need the park. Not equivalent to dogs.

I must be in the minority here, but I've never been jumped up at by an out of control dog.
The only dogs to jump at me are ones I've encouraged over, patted by chest and made a huge fuss over.
I live in a town in Northumberland where every single house seems to have a dog too.
OP, I really think you need to address yours and your son's fear. The dogs aren't going anywhere. A dog free park probably won't happen. So I think in this case, if you want things to change, you'll have to change yourself.

Absolutely there should be parks that dogs can't go into, parks with flower beds etc shouldn't be a place for dogs off lead and should be for picnics or for children to play in, as a dog owner I would love that for when I go out sans dogs!

However, dogs cannot be on the lead all the time, they do need to run. People wanting dogs to always be on the lead is essentially the dog version of when people get miffed that cats are allowed to free roam and poo everywhere. It annoys people on both sides but cats need to roam, and dogs need to run off lead sometimes.

I just want to be clear before anyone jumps down my throat that there’s a perfect good country park for dogs to run off the lead in just down the road.

I know it's not free but national trusts are often dog free or at least on lead only? I love my dog but also love going places where I can sit on the ground without fear of the poo!!

Honestly I think you need to deal with this. Its affecting your son now and that isn't fair. I know how it feels to have a phobia. I'm terrified of spiders. Wish I could just have a completely spider proof house but I'm no more likely to get that than you are likely to find a dog free park so after covid I will be doing the friendly spider program. The thought makes me heave but it has to be done. At the moment a spider in the house leads to me sitting sobbing in the garden until I find a friend or neighbour to remove it.

We should both face our phobias once this is over. Maybe we could have a support thread?

I would offer you my dog to help but he is a misbehaving shoe thief who can't be trusted and has been sent to bed in disgrace.

we have dog parks... which are large gated parks .. Large/Medium/Small .. you choose the park by the weight/size of your dog... its great... dogs run free with other dogs of similar sizes.. dogs are not allowed off leads outside these official dog parks .. 🌺

As my name suggests I have a Ddog, I only let her off in particular areas. Parks are a no unless there is an enclosed dog area. This is partly due to her being a big dog and recall is still a work in progress and others perception of her mix of breeds.

As others have said I get completely that others wont love my dog so I control her. I am spending £££ on training and pick up any mess without fail.

I get phobias, if someone said to me 'here is my pet spider have a cuddle' I would be legging it in the other direction! But by same token I have to deal with spiders and know they are all around me. Phobias by definition are irrational fight or flight reactions.
We are lucky here that some of the local parks have dog exercise pens specifically to let dogs off. It doesnt stop some people using them for their kids to play in though.

But the dog walkers are in the parks because the hills locally are full of people “ exercising” who wouldn’t have gone near the muddy icy drizzly coldness a year ago when my dog could mooch to his hearts content !

Now we walk to the fields along the railway track ( not a park so no one lead rules ) in thr hope that I won’t have to spend the whole walk with him on lead - to be fair as long as we stay in the scrubby undergrowth it’s fairly ok. I do miss a decent doc walk though.

Not against dog free park areas - mostly because of people that can't pick up dog poo, but I do think you need help for the phobia. So much anxiety is transmitted from parent to child.

This phobia would be pretty treatable, see if you have a local IAPT service and self refer for CBT. You really don't have to live with this fear. And your son will become calmer as you do.

Have you heard of NLP for phobias? It can help with any situational phobia or habit where there was a before abs after. I had NLP to quit smoking 25 odd years ago. I loved smoking but logically wanted to stop. It was immediate. It's like hypnotherapy but retrains your brain.

I must be in the minority here, but I've never been jumped up at by an out of control dog.

Same and I used to be a dog walker 🤷🏼‍♀️

You sound resigned to living with your phobia. Did you get any professional help last time?

You can do this, it's going to take time but really, what's the alternative? It's really not good that your child has got this bad because of you. You need to be a role model here.

@FuckOffBorisYouTwat

And dogs shouldn't be on leads in parks that is awful. My well-behaved, gentle dogs who have good recall need to run and play they can't do that trotting about on a lead. Dogs have been with us for 1000s of years and need freedom.

They should be if they aren’t fully trained.

These threads make me sad. I agree OP and I'm a dog owner. Over the last 12 -18 months I've seen a big increase in the number of selfish, clueless dog owners with no control over their poorly trained animals.
They're the ones strolling about with headphones in or on their phones while their dogs shit everywhere or bother people.

I am very vigilant with my dog if we're in the park, eyes on him at all times. He's absolutely not allowed to approach other people or dogs on leads and DEFINITELY not picnics. It can be taught, we still reinforce his recall constantly.

I have an acquaintance who thinks I'm far too strict and that people who don't appreciate his slobbering hound should find somewhere else to walk. No manners at all, him or his dog. And they ruin it for everyone.

YABU to wish for restrictions of the parks we all have.

Why don't you wish and ask your council and MP to provide more green spaces for all.

I'd love a dog free park. Imagine being able to let the kids run without dogs running after them "in fun". It would be amazing. I'd be happy to pay for it.

I don't think the debate even needs to be polarised really. Most parks could accommodate a dog free/ dog on lead area so toddlers and children can kick a ball around unharassed by a dog. I am from Australia is this is the norm and everyone is fine with it 🤷‍♀️

My son lives in Switzerland. They have a dog and they had to go to the Town Hall and register it within a few weeks of arriving there.

They have dog parks and dog-free parks over there and it works really well.

YANBU and why so many people who don't like kids around on Mumsnet! What's the point are there really no other forums?

I love my kids, i’m not fussed about other people’s ¯\(ツ)/¯