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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wish for a dog-free park?

311 replies

PerspicaciousGreen · 27/01/2021 18:33

I live in a lovely outer London borough with about ten parks within half an hour's walk, full of young families, great place to bring up children... except for the dogs.

My 2yo DS is TERRIFIED of dogs and, unfortunately, so am I. He's got it from me, I know, and it's just awful. I was so scared as a child I'd cry if I had to walk past a dog on the street and after years of work I got to the point where I felt I wasn't very comfortable around dogs but could live a normal life. However, seeing my DS being nervous around them has brought it all back and honestly now I come out in a cold sweat if I see a dog. I try to put a brave face on it for him, I really do, but he can tell I'm scared and we just wind each other up, I think.

So I find myself barely able to use any of the parks because every single one is full of dogs all the time. The one closest to our house, the fenced-off playground is right next to the entrance so we can do a sprint in and then it's OK. But one time several months ago, someone's dog got in (to their credit, they leapt in straight away and manhandled it out again) and he STILL talks about it and looks for dogs before he will play.

But the other ones, it's like a tiny little island of playground in the middle of acres and acres of dogs chasing each other, barking, etc. It's not even about whether their owners are responsible or not any more. If a dog so much as looks at DS, he freaks. And there are lots of owners who trot out the old "He's just being friendly!" while I hold a sobbing DS and try not to cry myself!

There is just no open space in the whole of our neighbourhood that doesn't have dogs in it. I'd love to be able to go for walks, take him out for a picnic, kick a ball around... But we can never relax because there's always a dog. Even if we weren't scared, we'd end up tripping over them or having one come over for a taste of our sandwiches.

I know IABU to be so scared of dogs. I do. But AIBU to wish there was one dog free park in this apparent suburban park paradise?

OP posts:
Original poster
PerspicaciousGreen · 27/01/2021 19:22

Thanks for the tea and sympathy! I really have been questioning myself about whether IABU or not to wish for this.

I know I have a problem, I really do. I know I shouldn't feel like this. I was chased badly when I was about four or five. Not bitten, but it felt to young-me like it was just out of nowhere that this dog "went for me". I think we had accidentally trespassed on a farm on holiday, so clearly it wasn't really out of nowhere, and I wasn't bitten or anything, but I can still feel the fear when I think back to it.

I don't really know what to do about The Fear for either me or DS. My DH is totally normal about dogs (had one growing up) so I think he'll be able to help DS. I think it will always be there for me underneath, tbh. As I said, I felt like I had it under control enough to live a normal albeit slightly internally uncomfortable) life. I've even got to know a few dogs over the years that I've actually liked. But seeing DS like that, I just get these images flashing into my head of being chased again. I know I'm taking on a bit, and it's just dogs, but I feel like it'll take another 25 years to work myself back down again!

Don't know any dog owners that don't live halfway across the country, and it's not like we can socialise right now anyway!

I feel like it's not just people who are scared of dogs that would like a dog free park, though, right? Everyone seems to have a story of some crappy dog bouncing all over them or running through their picnic.

And although right now I'm scared of all dogs, it absolutely is the owners. The good thing about only ever going to our closest park where we can sprint into the playground is that I know a lot of the regular dogs and owners by sight now and I know which ones are "on it" about keeping an eye on their dogs and actively calling them back to prevent problems - and which ones are just ambling around with their heads in the clouds and think it's cute to watch their Alsatian jump a toddler. My favourite dog at the park is a great slathering bulldog-type-thing called Elvis, can you believe it!

@Cantbbothered You're welcome to one! I think they have dog parks in America. If we could have one park in the borough a dog park and one park a dog free park and all the other ones mixed, we'd all be happy!

OP posts:
Original poster
PerspicaciousGreen · 27/01/2021 19:23

@Completelyfrozen

If there was a dog free park near you, how would you get to it without coming across a dog walking with it's owner on the pavement?
Cross the street as it approached. Simple. We do that already.
OP posts:
MadameButterface · 27/01/2021 19:24

@Cantbbothered

Not at all. I wish for child free parks all the time.
Same here, children are always running up to my dog, getting in his face and trying to pick him up etc (he is a chihuahua)
CaraDuneRedux · 27/01/2021 19:27

YANBU in the slightest - and my dog is snoozing beside me on the sofa.

I'm surprised there isn't any provision where you live - worth writing to your councillor?

Round my way there's a nice dog free park on the river bank, and even my local park has a fenced off dog free area (separate from the fenced off children's area) - so it can be done.

ThePlantsitter · 27/01/2021 19:27

I wish for a tutting-child-hater free park but you can't have everything. Totally with you in the dog thing OP. I think dogs are fine I just think there are hardly any breeds that are suitable to have London park walks as they only exercises. Dogs take up SPACE running hither and thither.

OunceOfFlounce · 27/01/2021 19:27

I think they've been getting more boisterous since lockdown for some reason. Plus all the usual, like bags of shit everywhere. Yanbu!

Pukkatea · 27/01/2021 19:27

Ooh yes, put all the children in one park and all the dogs in the other!

I'll be at the dog park...

BashfulClam · 27/01/2021 19:28

I used to be petrified of dogs and would scream and climb my parents if one even looked at me. I was terrified, my parents got us a puppy and I had to get over my fear. I walked on the sofa for weeks due to her nipping. I fell in love with her though and she was my pal. I love dogs now and if one runs up to me I get down and play wrestle it. Have you thought of letting your son meet dogs in a safe environment, do you have any friends who have good dogs he could meet?

Original poster
PerspicaciousGreen · 27/01/2021 19:30

@gottakeeponmovin

I think you need to deal with your dog phobia to be honest
I completely know, honest I do. And I thought I had done - it's just all come rushing back. But it takes a really long time to deal with stuff like that (I know from the first time it was bad!) and am I supposed to just not go to parks for a couple of years?

But that's why I had to ask AIBU, or do people without fears of dogs feel like that too.

OP posts:
redcandlelight · 27/01/2021 19:30

yanbu
our local park is dog free and it's absolute bliss!
there is a fenced in green strip nearby where dogs are allowed.

Snapcat · 27/01/2021 19:30

I think the compromise is dogs on leads in parks.

HmmSureJan · 27/01/2021 19:30

@Cantbbothered

Not at all. I wish for child free parks all the time.
Grin
FuckOffBorisYouTwat · 27/01/2021 19:31

I can't help but want all the people that usually aren't in our local park bugger off back to the shops/pubs etc and leave us alone. Normally on a wet January morning it is empty.

In all seriousness it must be tough but you need to get some therapy as it's not going to change. In fact there are far more dogs than last year so you need to get used to it somehow. It is hard when you have a phobia but it's up to you to sort out for your child's sake.

LegoPirateMonkey · 27/01/2021 19:33

There is a dog-free park near me. I am nervous around dogs and absolutely sick of avoiding dog shit everywhere so I like to go there. Yesterday I was the only person there...just me and the three dog owners who don’t think rules or signs apply to their animals! So the dog-free park attracts exactly the entitled and irresponsible owners who produce the exact dogs that make me nervous and leave shit everywhere. Decent owners don’t take their perfectly well behaved dogs to dog free parks. The kind of dickheads who let their dogs jump all over people will be there though so it’s actually worse!

FuckOffBorisYouTwat · 27/01/2021 19:33

And dogs shouldn't be on leads in parks that is awful. My well-behaved, gentle dogs who have good recall need to run and play they can't do that trotting about on a lead. Dogs have been with us for 1000s of years and need freedom.

HmmSureJan · 27/01/2021 19:34

@Snapcat

I think the compromise is dogs on leads in parks.
No. Dogs need off lead time.

Some dogs are badly behaved, most are not. Some people are ridiculously ott in their response to them, most are not.

Therefore we shouldn't implement silly, extreme rules and laws because of those few.

Swimmingiscancelled · 27/01/2021 19:35

Yanbu. It infuriates me that everywhere is a dog free for all. We actually do have one area dog free here.. the sports ground. But so many times I have been there recently people have been taking dogs through it and letting them crap on the football pitches 🤮.

I have now become that person and challenge anyone I see on there with a dog...

Original poster
PerspicaciousGreen · 27/01/2021 19:35

@FuckOffBorisYouTwat

And dogs shouldn't be on leads in parks that is awful. My well-behaved, gentle dogs who have good recall need to run and play they can't do that trotting about on a lead. Dogs have been with us for 1000s of years and need freedom.
Yeah, I'd feel really uncomfortable demanding that dogs be on leads all the time. In certain areas, definitely, but dogs (like my toddler!) do need somewhere to run around.
OP posts:
BetsyBigNose · 27/01/2021 19:37

YANBU, It must be so distressing seeing your DS get so upset and feeling a similar way yourself.

I grew up with dogs and they don't bother me, but both my DDs are quite nervous, having never really spent much time around them. We used to live near the beach and the rules were that in the summer, dogs had to be kept on a lead and weren't allowed in a certain area. We would always choose to set up in the 'No Dogs Allowed' area for the day, yet we would always be bothered by at least a couple of off-lead dogs, running through our sandcastles and scoping out our picnic!

Original poster
PerspicaciousGreen · 27/01/2021 19:38

@Swimmingiscancelled

Yanbu. It infuriates me that everywhere is a dog free for all. We actually do have one area dog free here.. the sports ground. But so many times I have been there recently people have been taking dogs through it and letting them crap on the football pitches 🤮.

I have now become that person and challenge anyone I see on there with a dog...

I'd love to know what you say and how it usually pans out! I hadn't even thought about what a PP mentioned with only the worst dog owners bringing their dog to a dog free park anyway. Maybe I'm too naive and law-abiding for my own good!

I never know what to say to people in situations like that where it's something that obviously not really awful, like a mugging, but also something that's not allowed. I'm always worried they'll somehow turn on me. (Can you tell I'm a bit of a scaredy-cat generally?? I have had counselling before several times, just not for the dog thing)

OP posts:
ekidmxcl · 27/01/2021 19:38

I’m a dog owner and voted yanbu.

I think there should definitely be dog free parks, or they should be properly divided. We have a biggish park nearby and I find it weird and disgusting that dogs shit on it (sometimes not picked up) and children play (organised) football on it. I also don’t think that people should be subjected to random out of control dogs when they want to visit a playpark so yanbu.

FuckOffBorisYouTwat · 27/01/2021 19:40

There should be dog free areas of parks. In our busy park the kids areas are dog free and very near the entrances so easy to walk to.

SomersetHamlyn · 27/01/2021 19:41

Yanbu

Also outer London here.

So sick of having to stare at the ground all the time to stop everyone stepping in mounds of shit, and wet, stinking dogs jumping up and terrifying my kids while their lazy owners slurp pumpkin spice lattes. Angry

christmasathomeagain · 27/01/2021 19:41

I feel you. Also have a son (now 13) who had cbt for his fear of dogs. He has been known to run into the road if he can see a dog off lead ahead. He won't go to the park now or the beech.

It would be so much easier if dogs were kept on leads, they are not allowed to walk near or up to strangers and you remove them as soon as they do and not just say 'oh don't worry she is friendly' or he won't hurt you. What that tells a child is that some dogs might hurt them or some dogs aren't friendly which feeds into their fears.

You might love your dog and think they are friendly but others don't.

Runssometimes · 27/01/2021 19:53

OP RSPB reserves and RHS gardens are dog free. So perhaps look into that? Having said which I do think it’s worth Working on your phobia as you’re just going to encounter dogs in daily life, it sounds really limiting to be that scared.

I have a dog and love them and I think they do need to run round off lead, but they should always be under control and not approach people or other dogs unless invited. Having said which dogs being trained do still make the odd slip up but some owners are very irresponsible and don’t train recall or manners, so nobody us unreasonable in my opinion if they don’t want to get close to a dog. I get not everyone is keen.

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