To leave DH for being a twat

[Glenchase]

I lost my job months ago. DS’s nursery keeps closing and opening and closing (currently closed until I don’t know when) so it’s not realistic for me to get another job right now. I’m sick of being stuck in the house on my own with a toddler. Sick of watching cartoons and playing trains. Sick of going for stupid walks in the cold and having to hang onto a toddler who doesn’t want to hold my hand and be constantly alert for idiots who come too close. Last night DS woke me up several times so I had to get in bed with him and then I just lay awake till 4am crying.

Today I was tired and just had enough so we had a duvet day. Stayed in our pyjamas, didn’t do any chores like emptying the dishwasher. Watched Netflix and DS fell asleep so I read my book for a bit.

DH has come home and all hell has broken loose because we’re still in our pyjamas and haven’t tidied up. He was screaming that I’m not a teenager and I can’t just sit around in my hoody watching childish things like The Witcher and reading Terry Pratchett and playing computer games with my friends (we have a weekly online game on a Thursday 8-11pm). Because I’m a mother and I have to get dressed and go for walks or whatever.

Firstly I don’t see what’s wrong with enjoying fantasy books and tv when I have time. Or playing one game per week after my child is in bed. Why is age relevant to enjoying those things? The friends I play with are aged 30-50. Secondly I don’t see what’s wrong with wearing a hoody (DH regularly wears a hoody himself). Thirdly I just feel he’s being ungrateful because he’s never congratulated me for the hundreds of days I’ve got up and dressed DS and taken him out, but the one day I don’t do it he starts screaming at me.

AIBU to just divorce him? He’s nasty and I’m sick of being criticised for what I think are fairly normal things. I’m tired and depressed and isolated and bored, and he’s just being selfish and unsupportive.

@supersonicginandtonic it was ONE day?

And who is going to look after the child if the OP gets another job? Nursery is shut!

She will have to manage like the rest of the working adult population, it's unfortunately the way of the world at the moment.
My nursery has been shut due to COVID and I've had to work from home. Schools have been shut due to snow.
And if the OP is feeling down the worst thing she can do is sit around doing nothing, giving herself too much time to think.
Maybe her husband is feeling stressed having to work constantly who knows.

@supersonicginandtonic she will have to manage?! Wtaf? Maybe they will BOTH have to manage childcare what with the child having two parents.
Or maybe he could realise the reason he doesn't have to think about childcare is because the OP is doing it every working day.

@TheGoodEnoughWife well maybe they will both have to juggle childcare but at the minute she isn't working so her husband doesn't need too.

Lucky him. If someone was looking after my child all day so I could go to work without considering childcare I wouldn't scream at them if they hadn't actual got dressed. Couldn't care less if they had got dressed or not as long as child was fed and cared for.

@TheGoodEnoughWife I think I'd be a bit pissed off if my other half hadn't done anything and left everything for me. Yes I would.
Everybody is finding it hard at the moment, homeschooling, working from home, working out the house.
I think there is another side to this story.

[quote supersonicginandtonic]@TheGoodEnoughWife I think I'd be a bit pissed off if my other half hadn't done anything and left everything for me. Yes I would.
Everybody is finding it hard at the moment, homeschooling, working from home, working out the house.
I think there is another side to this story.[/quote]
Then you need to read the OPs post better. The dishwasher hadn't been emptied when the dh came home but the OP DID empty it. And make dinner. So hardly leaving everything for him to do. In fact as far as I can see he only did a bit of childcare and if that is easy for the OP then it is easy for him.

What was left for the DH to do, apart from criticise the OP for what she looks like, what she wears and having friends

You had a duvet day (or as much as you ever can in charge of a young child) - where's the problem? We all need that sometimes when we're run down and everyone needs hobbies and down time, he's horrible to judge you for that.

As you asked, I'm afraid he is right and you should get up and look after your child properly.

Wallowing around in mess will only depress you further.

What mess @Daphnise? It's not like the OP did nothing with her DC and just stayed in bed and ignored them.

Some of these replies are pure MN gold

Who new all the perfect mothers - - martyrs-- were here all in one place!

Your instincts are right. Get out of that marriage, fast.
For those who argue that reversed roles would be condemning the lazy husband - anyone who was stuck with a child 24/7, with no break as no family around wouldn't say a word. We can't be in perpetual good mood, the perfect mothers who have a perfect household and then make sure the DH feels like he's the best thing even before the sliced bread.
He's a s prick who was probably only too happy to see you overweight and not taking care of yourself but the moment you re-discovered the outside world, he's getting jealous. That doesn't look good for the future of your relationship.
Ditch him.

@Daphnise - you must be trolling, right? What's wrong with having a duvet day?

@Greysparkles

Some of these replies are pure MN gold

Who new all the perfect mothers - - martyrs-- were here all in one place!

No one is being a martyr because they have some standards

It's getting old to be told some have it easy because they actually make an effort when others can't be arsed.

One day! It was ONE DAY!
FGS!

That should be FFS. I think that fits better here.

One duvet day is absolutely fine. He is probably stressed because he is out working during a pandemic and you are stressed because you are raising a child through it.

Most people, including me are at the end of their rope with things.

I would not put up with being screamed at though.

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer - I see those FB mothers, who "have some standards".
Will never leave the bedroom without make-up. You wouldn't see them in tracksuit bottoms or a hoody. They cook everything from scratch, use agave syrup instead of sugar and take pride that their toddler's snack is home-made hummus. Everything is sugar- gluten- transfat-free and a offering their child a lolly is akin to offering it rat poison. They would never buy their children's Halloween costumes and spend the whole night baking and decorating their child's 1st birthday cake.
The thing is, the children won't remember that. Give it a year or two and they won't give a damn about the Fireman Sam cake their mother baked and hand-decorated for their second birthday, mind you, give it a day. It's all for FB and Instagram statuses and the smug look on their faces.
There's nothing wrong about a duvet day. There's no neglect in having a day off, sticking your child in front of the telly or watch their favourite programme with them together, drink hot chocolate and eat biscuits from a tin. It's good to have a day off from being a perfect parent, especially as you spend 364/7/24 trying to be that because the society tells you you can't have a breather.

@Glenchase

YABU for wearing a Hoodie as a grown adult Really? 😂 Sorry but I’ll still be wearing them when I’m 80. I don’t see the problem.

So will I be op, hoodies, tracksuit bottoms and trainers, I ain’t changing what I’m comfortable in to suit some apparent society rules. There are people acting like complete tossers as proven in this pandemic and people are worried about you wearing a hoodie as an adult 😀

He sounds like an immature bully, get rid.

I see those FB mothers, who "have some standards".
Will never leave the bedroom without make-up. You wouldn't see them in tracksuit bottoms or a hoody. They cook everything from scratch, use agave syrup instead of sugar and take pride that their toddler's snack is home-made hummus. Everything is sugar- gluten- transfat-free and a offering their child a lolly is akin to offering it rat poison. They would never buy their children's Halloween costumes and spend the whole night baking and decorating their child's 1st birthday cake.

EerieSilence
good for them, but that's not what we are talking about at all.

Having standards is taking care of your child, not slobbing in front of the tv all day because you are bored and resentful. That's just lazy parenting. Most kids would be climbing the walls if stuck at home all day with screens.

It has no impact whatsoever on your child if you wear make-up or iron your pillows, it does have an impact if you don't parent properly.

My husband wouldn’t say anything if I did that. You need to have a partner who is supportive of you and kind to you.

Sorry op he’s an arse.

@Indoctro

Is he having to work and do all the housework.? As if it was me out all day working and coming home to a Shit tip I'd be annoyed to personally

There is always 2 sides to a story.

Op clearly says this was a one off