My husband had an affair with an ex Co worker, she too was married. It started in 2010 and he was still involved with her when I accidentally came across the very explicit email exchanges between them, he says it wasn't an affair because they only had sex 6-7 times, as distance and work made it difficult to meet up, the workplace where they began the affair closed in 2011, but they were in constant touch by email, and he drove up to see her a few times, went too her house a couple of times as her husband does constant night shifts, I know, sickening. Our children are grown now. It's just him and I in the house now, been married 37 years, I can honestly say I never in a million years thought he would do this to me, I'm hurt, angry, humiliated and I know I can never forgive him for destroying our marriage. He seems to think I should just stop talking about it, and get on with our lives.
AIBU?
Can't come to terms with my husband's affair
jusstme · 25/01/2021 18:17
Am I being unreasonable?
757 votes. Final results.
POLLOP, please leave him if that's what you want to do. With a good lawyer you could get 50%+ of the assets, because you helped him to have his career. He does not deserve to be so complacent as to say you should forget about it! 
did I misunderstand this ?
he had a TEN year affair ... 
you found out in October 2020 and he expects You to.. just get over it ? 🤔
Lady ... please... pack his bags and drop them at her door 🌺
You wrote about this in December. I’m sorry that you’ve had this crushing blow.
The affair lasted 10 years, as they were still in contact as of October when you found out. You said he ‘lied through his teeth’ and you had to piece together information from SM. He said OW meant nothing and that he was only looking for ‘a bit of excitement,’ which is ludicrous. If his affair lasted 10 long years, and would’ve continued, OW meant something.
I don’t buy that he is truly remorseful. He is displaying the same selfishness and sense of entitlement that he did during his long-term infidelity. He wasn’t forthcoming after discovery and he is still minimizing. Even now, a mere 3 months later, he dismisses your feelings and wants you to shut up about it. He storms off or turns up the tv volume when you need to ask questions? How contemptuous. He doesn’t get to decide what you need to heal or how long. It can take 2-5 years to recover trust, and that is under optimal conditions where the cheater makes a massive effort.
I hope by now you have told family/friends. You need the support and you certainly should not protect him and his unethical behavior. I would advise seeking individual counseling to help you move through the grieving process and make the best decisions for yourself. Personally, I know I wouldn’t be able to continue in such an emotionally unsafe environment with such a cruel, unempathetic man. 
@BlueThistles It is not clear my take is OP discovered the affair last year, as they had sex 6/7 times. Hopefully OP will come back to clarify. 
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