To not be ashamed of being a teen mother?

[Cash02]

I’m worked up tonight, I saw another thread on a woman annoyed at a teen couples pregnancy (I won’t go into detail as to not highjack that thread, but if you saw me, hello)

I’m a teenage mother, became pregnant at 17, gave birth at 18. I’m with the father.

Everyone in that thread saying things like ‘poor baby’ and basically calling them idiots really upset me.

I feel I’m just as capable of loving a baby just as any 30 year old woman, comments like that make teen parents feel like terrible parents, and that our babies are better of without us.

I love how everyone is against ‘mum shaming’ until that mother is under the age of 20, the double standard is absolutely shocking.

Am I being stupid and should I just accept that I’m an awful evil mother?

Can you explain your anger towards young mothers?

I don't have any, and nowhere have I indicated any. I've given facts, not emotions. Can you explain why you take it all so personally? Why, for example, do you identify with the people on the other thread, when they are prime example of everything that is wrong with teen pregnancy? Why do you think it has anything to do with you?

@CayrolBaaaskin

As I said no one should be ashamed of being a young mother but it’s not a desirable thing and as a whole teenage mothers and their children have very poor outcomes.

Statistically they are more likely to have poor outcomes (but again a lot of that is linked to the high proportion already from deprived and disadvantaged backgrounds) which is a bit different to saying as a whole teen mums and their kids have very poor outcomes..

It bears relevance to the ability of a teen to care for and love a child and to have a long marriage. So get over yourself

No it doesn't, at all. 60 years ago a married 18 year old mother with the support of society and the respectibility of her position is a very different position from a teenage mother now. Her outcomes were likely to be very different.

@Fufumuji

You seem very against young mothers as whole, no matter their life.

And I didn’t, as I said, it was what broke the camels back, I sympathised with the young couple, I remember people saying ‘poor baby’ about my daughter. It is the most hurtful thing I’ve ever heard, and trust me I’ve heard a lot. It made me thing about how many young mothers go through it and how many will refuse to seek help for their PPD and other issue out of fear they’ll be seen an inadequate, or that they should just suck it up and deal with it alone, because they made the mistake.

Statistically they are more likely to have poor outcomes (but again a lot of that is linked to the high proportion already from deprived and disadvantaged backgrounds) which is a bit different to saying as a whole teen mums and their kids have very poor outcomes

Well...statistically they are much much more likely to, so its not that different. These days, more affluent teens have abortions, not babies. The vast majority of young teen mothers (under 18) will be poor, single, and looking at a good likelihood of poor outcomes.

@Fufumuji
Is there a statistic for this anywhere?

You seem very against young mothers as whole, no matter their life

As individuals? Not in the slightest, far from it. As an abstract concept, yes, absolutely. Isn't everyone? Under 18's particularly.
Children having children, isn't nearly everyone against it as a concept? Aren't you?

I think posters on the other thread were saying poor baby as it was being born to a “couple” who’d only known each other for 4 weeks. Not wholly because the mother in question was 17.

No it doesn't, at all. 60 years ago a married 18 year old mother with the support of society and the respectibility of her position is a very different position from a teenage mother now. Her outcomes were likely to be very different.

Support of society and respectability? You're bloody joking, my mother was not respected, she was forced into an early marriage or things would've been very different. It worked out for her but she had some very disgusting comments from the older generation. Without my dad she'd have been in a very difficult position, worse than a teen mum now.

@Robbybobtail

Robbybobtail

Your comments re: infertility are disgraceful and you should be shamed of yourself

Eh, what are you on about? Comments on infertility? What for saying my friend struggled to get pregnant at 40 and that it isn’t always better to be an older mum and swings in roundabouts? Do fuck off dear and don’t project your anger onto me!

Your words.....

**But I had the last laugh because I went on to work very hard and build a business (along with dh). We now have a VERY comfortable life - kids in private school, live in a gorgeous house in a lovely area, holiday home etc. I went on to have 3 more dc’s and I’ve loved having a big family.

Friend btw is still living in the crappy town we grew up in, works all hours to pay the bills and struggled to become pregnant as she left it so late - had her first at 40 after several rounds of ivf (I’m not gloating about this, but just saying it’s not always best to leave it late to have kids). Wouldn’t swap places with her for anything.**

Fertility issues take years saying you wouldn't swap in one sentence but then saying she left it too late..... So yes you did come out with some vile stuff about your friend and that you clearly are gloating because her father sneered at you as a teenager!

@Fufumuji
I’m against teenagers getting pregnant, not against teen mothers, there’s a difference.

One isn’t pregnant, has many opportunities and can be educated and encouraged to avoid pregnancy.

The other is pregnant and wants the baby, hasn’t had a choice, or is already a mother, I’m not against those women, I support those women.

You're bloody joking, my mother was not respected, she was forced into an early marriage or things would've been very different. It worked out for her but she had some very disgusting comments from the older generation. Without my dad she'd have been in a very difficult position, worse than a teen mum now

If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle. The comment was about what WAS, not what could have been. She was a young married mother you said, and your comment was it was all fine. So, my response was based on that.

I’m against teenagers getting pregnant, not against teen mothers, there’s a difference

That's exactly what I said, so why are you arguing with me? Read my comments, they are all about the concept of teen motherhood, nothing about any individual teen mother.

@SendHelp30

As I said it was more what set me off, those are still people and that is still a baby that they want, those comments hurt not matter what, they haven’t even had a chance to be parents yet.

@Robbybobtail that wasn’t a leap by the PP; it’s literally what you said.

Id rather be a first time mum in my 40s than a grandmother in my 40s.

And for what it’s worth, I’m 30 with 3 DC before you decide I’m having trouble conceiving too 😂😂

@Fufumuji In my original post I my childhood and her marriage were fine, not society around them. Teenagers can be fabulous mothers and marriages can last, that's exactly what I said. I didn't say things hadn't been hard.

I had my dc in my 30's, I'm not a better mother than my mum.

[quote Cash02]@SendHelp30

As I said it was more what set me off, those are still people and that is still a baby that they want, those comments hurt not matter what, they haven’t even had a chance to be parents yet.[/quote]
I understand but surely you can see why people would sympathise for this unborn child? These parents are children and will still hardly know one another by the time the child is born. It’s hardly ideal and yes, I do feel for the child. I would feel for any child born into these circumstances, regardless of age. 2 people who’ve known each other for a month before conception is never ideal.

@Fufumuji I agree that there’s an associated risk for poorer outcomes with teenage pregnancies (Well the statistics show this as a fact) but that doesn’t translate to teen mums and their kids as a whole all have very very poor outcomes.

In the same way I’d never refer to the associated risks of getting pregnant in your 40s as ‘As a whole pregnant women in their 40s and their babies have very poor outcomes’ even though statistically the risks are much higher in some aspects, it’s still a massive stretch to change it into the latter statement.

You make a good point about affluent teenagers more likely to abort and it would be interesting to examine the reasons why teenage parenthood is more acceptable to those from deprived backgrounds and why there is less emphasis on education, career aspirations and life goals. It’s a good reminder there is still a lot of social inequality.

Robbybobtail that wasn’t a leap by the PP; it’s literally what you said.

It really wasn’t, if you reread my “last laugh” comment was referring to making a good life despite what sneery people thought.

The point I made about friend struggling to conceive was a different paragraph, different point - that it’s not always better to be an older mum.

Id rather be a first time mum in my 40s than a grandmother in my 40s.

God, would you? I wouldn’t! I’m 40 and can’t imagine having my first child now - but I guess we’re all different.

So you earn enough money producing music to provide for a child? Impressive.

@Robbybobtail not projecting I have a toddler just find your comments insensitive it's literally what you wrote yourself...... I have friends who have had IVF though its an incredibly long and tough journey.

@custardcreambourbon your last paragraph raises excellent points. It’s far more acceptable to have a child as a teenager from a deprived area / family.