The point is, I've used my friend as an example because she's genuinely one of the best people I know, but I'm at that funny age where I know parents who had babies at 16 right up to 40.
I'm that awkward age where if it doesn't happen soon, it probably won't. I know people who had babies young who look at my degree/job/doing as I like life, and envy it. Wish they'd done it. I look at their life, with their little units , and want that. I have friends who got married at 20 years ago and are still going strong, and friends who divorced at 40.
You would never, in a million years, judge a woman at 30/40 whos marriage has failed who is a single parent and working all the hours God sends. But we judge teens. Why? Money? Is that all we care about now? What they put in? Or because they didn't go to uni. Maybe they didn't want to. Maybe they should decide what they want to do. Maybe they will do it later, and maybe they won't. That's their decision.
I get really irate on this because in my line of work, I see vulnerable youngsters trotted out the same old bollocks. Get a condom. Go to uni. Lots of (not all ) young teen mums come from vulnerable backgrounds themselves where they are craving love, stability and a family. They've got this man who loves them and they believe it's them against the world. Or, genuinely, they've found the right one and that's how they want to do it.
And what do we do? Educate them? Give them options? respect their choices but try and guide them?
No. We sit here, judging them, making awful comments about them and children that are already here. Does anyone think that helps? Does anyone think any teen in the history of ever went oh here, this lady says that I'll be scrounging off the system and I should wait til I'm 30, I'd better do that? No. We need to get inside their heads and speak their language. Nobody responds well to being judged, especially not people who get into the mindset of thinking well I might as well do it anyway because I'm being judged - in fact what's one more, or two more, or three? Because people will judge me anyway.
There is a poster on here whos own parents have nothing to do with her because they didn't agree with her pregnancy. What is that teaching her? What can she do at this point but struggle on and potentially get into more vulnerable decisions?
Would I actively choose teen pregnancy for my child? No. But would I copy and paste uni for all? No. I saw many, many students in my various degrees there out of duty to their parents, miserable as sin and drinking to excess, vomiting their loan down the drain. Why, pray tell, is that better than a teen using the system to raise a child and then better themselves (given the vast majority of teen/young parents I know went into useful, valuable degrees, in many cases better than our non parent peers, who are sitting here with our alright jobs and our alright lives, wistful of their family unit). I also know a few young women who had abortions, mainly due to societal pressure, and have never recovered, and that's not right either. Give these young women a chance.
It's an emotive issue. But I can't bear the judgement. It's unnecessary, and it doesn't help anyone. And apart from anything else, we aren't judging the ones thinking about it, we are judging the ones with living breathing humans and writing ridiculous things like "dont have children you can't afford". I must have missed the 'send them back' option.
As said far more succintly by a PP, you can be a shite parent at any age. Asking for help and finance does not make you a bad parent and having tons of money does not make you a good one.