To not be ashamed of being a teen mother?

[Cash02]

I’m worked up tonight, I saw another thread on a woman annoyed at a teen couples pregnancy (I won’t go into detail as to not highjack that thread, but if you saw me, hello)

I’m a teenage mother, became pregnant at 17, gave birth at 18. I’m with the father.

Everyone in that thread saying things like ‘poor baby’ and basically calling them idiots really upset me.

I feel I’m just as capable of loving a baby just as any 30 year old woman, comments like that make teen parents feel like terrible parents, and that our babies are better of without us.

I love how everyone is against ‘mum shaming’ until that mother is under the age of 20, the double standard is absolutely shocking.

Am I being stupid and should I just accept that I’m an awful evil mother?

Just ignore it OP. There will always be something; single parents / working / stay home / rich / poor / old ... it's boring. Don't bother looking at such threads if they upset you.

We need the judgement, we need teen girls to know that its not an acceptable choice for them.
People who were teen mothers might not like it, but since they tend not to want it for their teen girls either, they are doing exactly the same thing.

Yep.

That still does not justify sneering or cruel treatment of younger mothers though

Hasn't been any on here

Don't you think we get enough judgement just walking to the shops with a pram, usually by those who think they're superior and smug yet never perfect themselves

Do people genuinely think teen mothers want to find themselves in that situation? That people actually make out it's going to be all rosy for them?

Being a mother is hard. Now imagine doing that at 17, with all the judgement in tow. Why are they being judged? Well according to this thread because statistically they must be shit.
The statistics for teen mums are already stacked up against them, it's an unfair outlook. You can't just write people off. 'Well the statistics say...' so just give up, you can't possibly do a good job.

When you look back on your childhood do you judge your mum based on all the statistics, can she only statistically be a good mother?

So many people here are missing the point. 🤦🏼‍♀️

And people still don’t understand what statistics mean. Gah.

sozzled, if you want to have a completely different discussion, start your own thread. If you want to partcipate in this one, try to understand what its actually about.

And yes, teen mothers do often want to find themselves in that situation. That's actually a big part of the problem. No-one in the UK has to have a baby unless they choose to have one, and many get pregnant deliberately in the first place.

@Cash02 You sound very mature and sensible. My DD was a teen mum of a disabled child. She has done really well academically and I'm very proud of her. What people forget is that younger mums are at their fittest for pregnancy and birth and have tons of energy for the broken nights. Maturity comes with parenthood. I have friends and family who haven't had children and they lack maturity because they've never been responsible for a dependent that needs you for everything. I hate to see teen mums being slagged off. Being a mum in her teens was the making of my DD. Be proud that you have your beautiful DD and ignore the critics. She will have a great life with you as her mum.

@Fufumuji

That still does not justify sneering or cruel treatment of younger mothers though

Hasn't been any on here

Shockingly, the world extends beyond Mumsnet.

I had to leave home because my mum was constantly berating and shaming me, calling me 'ruined' (despite having 6 kids herself, in two marriages, and the first at 20 herself- and me having vastly better formal education)

Of course it happens, it happened in secondary and at sixth form for me.

It's just obtuse to suggest shaming don't happen, though I'll admit it's usually not going to be upfront to your face, people are usually a bit more subtle than that. Doesn't mean it never happens.

What people forget is that younger mums are at their fittest for pregnancy and birth and have tons of energy for the broken nights

Nobody has forgotten that, we know that its not a good reason to have a baby. 15 year olds have lots of energy, sure, they shouldn't be using it to have babies though. It's a terrible attempt at justification.

Telling OP that her dd will have a great life as she has a great mother is very kind, but you don't know what kind of mother OP is or will be and you do know that the chances are stacked against this child due to her unstable situation.

‘. I have friends and family who haven't had children and they lack maturity because they've never been responsible for a dependent that needs you for everything’

This is a ridiculous statement. Theresa may didn’t have children. Are you seriously saying that people without children lack maturity.

There are a lot of immature people out there - some have children, some don’t. A child losing their childhood too some to teen pregnancy is not a ticket to maturity.

@Ideasplease322

‘. I have friends and family who haven't had children and they lack maturity because they've never been responsible for a dependent that needs you for everything’

This is a ridiculous statement. Theresa may didn’t have children. Are you seriously saying that people without children lack maturity.

There are a lot of immature people out there - some have children, some don’t. A child losing their childhood too some to teen pregnancy is not a ticket to maturity.

I didn't see who wrote that but they're not wrong.

@Fufumuji

That still does not justify sneering or cruel treatment of younger mothers though

Hasn't been any on here

Selective reading.

Ha rooty

Now I know you are being mischievous!

You honestly don’t believe that people who don’t have children lack maturity!

You, the lady who has been arguing against stereotypes!

@Ideasplease322

Ha rooty

Now I know you are being mischievous!

You honestly don’t believe that people who don’t have children lack maturity!

You, the lady who has been arguing against stereotypes!

Nope. Didn't say that. I said she isn't wrong.

The PP said they know people who lack maturity because they didn't have dependants. I do too.

I don't owever think that 'people without children lack maturity'. That's not what she said. That would be a stereotype.

I don't put people into boxes.

I was 19 when I got pregnant with DD I did go travelling but with DD we have been to some great places across the globe. We have our own house own car, it was harder for me to complete my nurse training with having DD the only negative thing is I probably won't have anymore children because I'm working on my career and will be 31 by the time I'm at where I want to be. DD will be 11 and I don't want to start again. I would be a little upset if DD made the same choice I'd hope she was a little bit older but not too old.
Overall I'm happy with being a young mum.

What people forget is that younger mums are at their fittest for pregnancy and birth and have tons of energy for the broken nights

From the WHO:
'Adolescent mothers (ages 10–19 years) face higher risks of eclampsia, puerperal endometritis, and systemic infections than women aged 20 to 24 years, and babies of adolescent mothers face higher risks of low birth weight, preterm delivery and severe neonatal conditions.'
Plus, is autism risk a U-shaped curve in terms of maternal age?

Also, regarding the energy for the broken nights, teens need more sleep than adults because they're at such an important stage of their growth and development.

sozzled, if you want to have a completely different discussion, start your own thread. If you want to partcipate in this one, try to understand what its actually about.

The OP didn't ask what the statistics say about her being a mother though?

She asked why she is made to feel like she is a terrible parent based solely on her age, and why mum shaming to under 20's seems to be deemed acceptable.

Footy, I can’t believe that either you or that poster are qualified and have sufficient information about these people to understand why they lack maturity.

Lots of people lack maturity, come have children some don’t. The root cause of people’s personalities and flaws are deeply complex.

It seems odd that you and this poster both know people who’s lack of maturity was caused by not having children.

I suspect for the People involved it Was a range of issues that caused this ‘lack of maturity’.

If They even lack Maturity in the first place, they may just have a different set of priorities.

@Ideasplease322

Footy, I can’t believe that either you or that poster are qualified and have sufficient information about these people to understand why they lack maturity.

Lots of people lack maturity, come have children some don’t. The root cause of people’s personalities and flaws are deeply complex.

It seems odd that you and this poster both know people who’s lack of maturity was caused by not having children.

I suspect for the People involved it Was a range of issues that caused this ‘lack of maturity’.

If They even lack Maturity in the first place, they may just have a different set of priorities.

I quite like footy I might change it.

I don't need to be 'qualified ' (in what ) to have an opinion.

You think in the world of billions of people we both know a person who lacks maturity because they've only ever had to care about themselves? You really think that's ODD?

I find it odd that posters like you come on to sneer at other opinions telling us we are wrong about what we think.

This is not newsnight. It's a discussion board based on life. I think what I think and you think what you think. Based on our own life experiences and what we see in the world. That's it.

I’m not sneering at anyone. I am genuinely surprised by what I see has a huge leap to pinpoint the reason for lack of maturity.

I have never assumed anyone’s lack of maturity had anything to do with children.

I have always assumed it is a combination of many factors , and was probably seeded long before children became a factor.

@Ideasplease322

I’m not sneering at anyone. I am genuinely surprised by what I see has a huge leap to pinpoint the reason for lack of maturity.

I have never assumed anyone’s lack of maturity had anything to do with children.

I have always assumed it is a combination of many factors , and was probably seeded long before children became a factor.

But we aren't pinpointing the reason. Or I'm not , anyway. Im not saying PP was right every single time or what you said about people not having children being immature. I don't make blanket statements. I just said that I do know of people who are immature and selfish because they've never had anyone else to think about. That's all.