To not be ashamed of being a teen mother?

[Cash02]

I’m worked up tonight, I saw another thread on a woman annoyed at a teen couples pregnancy (I won’t go into detail as to not highjack that thread, but if you saw me, hello)

I’m a teenage mother, became pregnant at 17, gave birth at 18. I’m with the father.

Everyone in that thread saying things like ‘poor baby’ and basically calling them idiots really upset me.

I feel I’m just as capable of loving a baby just as any 30 year old woman, comments like that make teen parents feel like terrible parents, and that our babies are better of without us.

I love how everyone is against ‘mum shaming’ until that mother is under the age of 20, the double standard is absolutely shocking.

Am I being stupid and should I just accept that I’m an awful evil mother?

I hope we can support teen parents more. They do have some additional challenges (eg at the age that many would also want to do some study). OP - sounds like you are doing great. Wishing you all the best.

@CayrolBaaaskin
I don’t claim, both DP and I work, I have done since I was 16, I also study.

@Namenic
Thank you!

That’s why everyone pays taxes! So if it’s ever you, you can have the help

They haven't paid any taxes yet.

But that's not the point. There should be benefits for teen mothers who need them. There should be supports and help. There are all of those things.
But there should be a lot less teen mothers. I think you know that.

@Robbybobtail glad you found success but saying that you had the last laugh because a childhood friend isn't now rich and struggled with fertility is pretty mean and cruel?! She wasn't responsible for her father's response to you as a teen mother!

FYI fertility issues can happen at any age, to even be referred for IVF its several years of trying and several rounds of IVF also can be several years.
To say you had the last laugh then say your not gloating in the next paragraph......

Jeez where are peoples humanity gone!

The Office for National Statistics and the Nuffield Trust are the best place for up to date and reliable statistics.

Both have data and reports on their websites, which can be found from Google.

@Cash02 - Vast majority Of women don’t become mentally unwell after abortion and “sterility” is extremely rare. Please don’t spread misinformation like that.

[quote Scottishskifun]@Robbybobtail glad you found success but saying that you had the last laugh because a childhood friend isn't now rich and struggled with fertility is pretty mean and cruel?! She wasn't responsible for her father's response to you as a teen mother!

FYI fertility issues can happen at any age, to even be referred for IVF its several years of trying and several rounds of IVF also can be several years.
To say you had the last laugh then say your not gloating in the next paragraph......

Jeez where are peoples humanity gone![/quote]
Agree @Scottishskifun, that was a particularly vile post.

@Fufumuji

I’m not anti choice by any means, I think a woman has the right to have an abortion because it’s her life!

But how many people do you think have abortions because they feel pressured? I almost did, that can cause a lot of trauma to a woman. And if it’s a late term abortion like I would’ve had, as I found out two weeks before legally not being allowed an abortion, there’s a risk of having fertility problems later on.

I think if a woman wants an abortion she has every right to get one, it’s great that women have the access to them in this country.

But many young mothers are pressured into having one.

[quote Cash02]@CayrolBaaaskin

They are a safety net of course, to stop children starving, if a teen mother becomes pregnant and has the child, should the child just starve? Or is that classed as a safety issue?
Some single mothers have to claim at some point, not all, of course.
That’s why everyone pays taxes! So if it’s ever you, you can have the help.[/quote]
Unfortunately OP benefit system doesn't work that way so no it's not true that if its ever you you can have the help.

My DH had 3 redundancies and wasn't entitled to a penny because I worked FT we just had to scrape by and try to keep the roof over our heads!

I’m not anti choice by any means, I think a woman has the right to have an abortion because it’s her life

Then don't make statements that come right out of the anti-choice leaflets.
You really do sound terribly young. You think you have it all sorted, but haven't you been with your boyfriend less than a year? And have a very young baby? You don't know what your life will be like next year, in 5 years, in 10.

Robbybobtail

Your comments re: infertility are disgraceful and you should be shamed of yourself.

The rate of abortions in under 20s is lower than that of over. They are more prevalent in women over 30.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/808556/Abortion_Statistics__England_and_Wales_2018__1_.pdf#page7

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortion_in_the_United_Kingdom

As someone wiser than once said on these boards, unless you have a baby at 28 someone will be judgemental of your choices. You'll be too young/too old, too immature/too knackered. A burden on the state/or a burden on your adult children.

Basically you'll come across a brainless twat who will universalise their own experience and be too dim to work out what was right for them, isn't right for everyone or that life doesn't go according to a plan.

Also to the pp who said “all the 30 year old mums are knackered” - whose knackered at 30? Maybe if you’ve had a very hard life (had children young for example) but it’s hardly old age is it.

My mum was pregnant at 17, married at 17, had my sister at 18, had me at 23. Been married 60 years this year. Best mum and dad ever, I had a wonderful childhood and love my parents dearly. We were very well cared for and much loved.

That said, I didn't want that for myself and wouldn't want it for my dc either (19 and 15).

My mum was pregnant at 17, married at 17, had my sister at 18, had me at 23. Been married 60 years this year. Best mum and dad ever, I had a wonderful childhood and love my parents dearly. We were very well cared for and much loved

That was 60 years ago, it was pretty common then. But life and society has changed a lot in 60 years, so it has no relevance to now.

@Scottishskifun

I didn’t see that, that is a vile comment to make.

I was told I couldn’t have children, everyday with my daughter is a blessing, fertility issues is one thing I wouldn’t wish on anybody

As I said no one should be ashamed of being a young mother but it’s not a desirable thing and as a whole teenage mothers and their children have very poor outcomes.

@Fufumuji

Can you explain your anger towards young mothers?

*Robbybobtail

Your comments re: infertility are disgraceful and you should be shamed of yourself.*

This... I'm speechless for your poor friend Robbybobtail. You have some pretty low morals gloating about your friends struggles and her finally having a baby at 40. Get over yourself as you dont sound very nice

@Fufumuji
I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and I’ve known him for 7. Three years isn’t terribly long but I thought I should correct you

And no I don’t know what my life will be like in 5 or ten years...no one does.
But i know I’ll always do right by my family.

Fair enough. Doesn't change much though. The chances of you still being together in 5 years are low. Best of luck though, hope it goes well for you.

@Fufumuji

That was 60 years ago, it was pretty common then. But life and society has changed a lot in 60 years, so it has no relevance to now.

It bears relevance to the ability of a teen to care for and love a child and to have a long marriage. So get over yourself.