DSS and disgusting habit

[TheSpottedDog]

DSS (22) has a habit of performance farting. I hate farting at the best of times but he literally walks around cocking his leg and farting, squatting and farting, bending over and sticking his bum out to fart, star jumping and farting, legs akimbo on the sofa farting ... it fucking irritates me. When DH and I first got together he used to laugh at him (he was 15 then) and I spoke with him and told him it really bothered me and I find it disrespectful. We had an argument over it but eventually he saw my point and would ask him to stop when he did it. He toned it down for a while but then started it up again. Whenever he comes over I just end up going upstairs to get away from him because it winds me up so much.
The only good thing about lockdown is that he hasn’t been coming over on Saturday nights and I’m absolutely dreading the return of this shit.

AIBU to tell DH that his son is almost 23 years old now and if he can’t stop himself acting like a young child I’d rather him not come over?

Im no fart fan especially but some of the responses here are ridiculously over the top, and far more unpleasant than a bum trumpet. “chavvy“? “common“? “shit on his pillow“? Bloody hell.

Children can be disgusting but are meant to outgrow it.

Mine used to do this when they were...like... 4 or 5:

They then realised that it’s not socially acceptable and it’s best to pop to the lav to do it if you can.

Maybe he’s never been taught?

You could lace his food with a strong laxative. Just saying.

@Noconceptofnormal

I would describe this as common and a sign of a lax upbringing, which is half your husband's fault.

Honestly this wouldn't happen in my social circles unless the son had special needs, in which case we'd obviously be very understanding.

I think your husband's reaction is everything. If he laughs or ignores it I'd find it hard to respect him tbh. If he made it clear that he thought this was very silly, unacceptable behaviour that's different.

If you wish to help you could have a serious chat with him and ask him why he still thinks this is funny at 22, point out what you tolerated with gritted teeth at 15 is different now he's well in to adulthood. If he wants attention or needs you to think he's funny in some way then maybe address that.

Think it's how you treat him, if you're very positive with him when he behaves his age, says intelligent things, makes adult appropriate jokes etc, when he's helpful etc but treat him like a silly little boy when he does the farts then maybe he'll get the message.

But unfortunately he has his parents to thank for the fact he thinks this is socially acceptable.

Way OTT.

I really wonder what worlds some of you lice in.

@deste

You could lace his food with a strong laxative. Just saying.

You know that's assault ?

Like intentionally assaulting noses with Methane?

@KarensChoppyBob

Like intentionally assaulting noses with Methane?

Not comparable.

But it is chavvy and common, and I don't mind saying so. I would judge an adult who did this and thought it was funny (special needs notwithstanding obviously).

But I agree that the ideas about faeces on pillow, laxatives in food, videoing and putting on Facebook are escalating it to a ridiculous level that's much worse than the act itself.

I really wonder what worlds some of you lice in.

Ditto. This never happened the entire time I was at university amongst people this age.

OP, this isn't at you. It's at the PP.

The son is being ridiculous. It is petty and immature and silly. Absolutely.

But we are in a pandemic. Things are rubbish. The boy is fooling around with his father.

I don't know what's worse - the suggestion to poison him, talk about his dick and sex life or to kick him out the house.

@TheSpottedDog

You'd tell a farting six-year-old to go to the toilet. Tell the DSS every time [particularly if there are visitors in normal times]

That is disgusting. I wouldn’t let a 12 year old do that, let alone 22. Was he dragged up with no manners or normal socialising?

@pictish

This thread is brilliant btw. Purest Mumsnet.

If only there was someone the OP could report him to.

Log it with 101?

@laidbacklife

That is disgusting. I wouldn’t let a 12 year old do that, let alone 22. Was he dragged up with no manners or normal socialising?

Normal socialising ?

You are being massively offensive over someone's parenting with no just cause. And apart from anything else you can't 'let' an adult do anything

DH needs to tell him, for his own sake, that this just isn’t usual in a 22 year old

Ask him what job he wants to do when he grows up.

This thread is hilariously batshit. This kind of behaviour irritates me too but some of you are on another planet!

He has an immature sense of humour that rubs you up the wrong way, avoid him—sounds like he doesn’t want to hang out with you anyway.

@CatalinaWineMixer.
Exactly this.

This has made me laugh, not sure I want to put up with it though 😂 how bizarre !!

Honestly I thought you meant he was about 8, I would do a mix of the following:

say with faux concern and a revolted look on my face ‘God did you actually shit yourself that time, it sounded like it?’

Blast him with air freshener each and every time and make him open the windows and to ventilate it

Say loudly ‘how absolutely fucking revolting- how old are you, 8?’

Each time ask your husband loudly ‘why does he keep doing that in our house, can’t he control himself?’
He sounds like an absolute pig.

He sounds like an immature pig and I’m sure he does it to annoy you. The question is, why does he want to annoy you so much?

Is it some twatty male dominance thing? Has he always been like this? Do you get on with him otherwise?

I’d just take myself upstairs everytime he came round. Let DH entertain him & put up with his purile behaviour

Go and buy some Liquid Ass (it’s a prank stench in liquid form) from the internet and deploy it stealthily next time he does it.

Preferably as you leave the room and close the door. If your DH and DSS think even that’s hilarious (they won’t, it’s vile), do it again but locking the door.

Frankly you could do it without the stealth, just give them a taste and announce it will be happening every time until the fart nonsense stops. Because you find their reactions so very funny, and we’re an ‘everything goes if it’s funny to someone’ household, right?

Can’t help thinking Liquid Ass is the perfect ‘natural consequences’ discipline tool for this guy’s attitude- following that popular parenting philosophy for young kids. Feel free to explain it to your DH, since clearly child raising is not his forte.

That's a brilliant idea. To let off a stench every time he does it and act disgusted.

I should add that Liquid Ass is not for the careless or weak of stomach. It’s somewhat of a nuclear solution.

You need full commitment. And you need to not get it on your own hands. The room you use it in will be roped off for a while, so make sure you have thought it through. Store it in double ziplock bags, or a jar with a tight lid.

Someone squirted liquid ass on my sons blazer. My eyes watered when he came in the house.
I think it may be even more of a punishment for the OP whilst it dissipates?